To not want my friend to help me with money

[FreeBeeBird]

Don’t mean to sound awful and I know I should be grateful. One of my best friends has recently become very wealthy thanks to her husband’s investments. She keps saying she wants to help her closest friends (including us) with some cash as always wanted to do this.
The thing is that whilst I appreciate her lovely intentions, I do not want this at all (and told her clearly) as I find it a) slightly humiliating and b) I feel generally uncomfortable accepting money from others, infact I have never done that except small sums from my parents for big occasions (like wedding, house etc).
We have good salaries and are by no means struggling, just have high outgoings as we are FTBs in London and have childcare costs so don’t lead a fancy life but we have a solid combined income of 6 figures. She keps saying if we won’t take the money for ourselves she will gift it towards my DC’s uni fees or something and, again, I feel it’s wrong and makes me feel uncomfortable so I told her to not bring the subject up again as I don’t want her to do that (told her nicely obv).
AIBU to feel this way??

ill have it!

YANBU it feels a bit Lady Bountiful to me.

I'm also a bit about her giving away money from her DH's investments. What say has he had in this?

Finally I'd be worried it would impact the dynamics of the relationship. I'd be worried it might get thrown back at me if there was some disagreement in the future in an "after everything I done for / given you, you won't do this for me".

@BreadInCaptivity exactly, I also think it would change the dynamics or certainly the way I’d feel towards them

This situation happened to a friend of mine when her sister became wealthy. Every time there was a favour expected or if they had a falling out it would be “remember I paid x amount for this for you”. I think it would change the dynamics.

Friend wish her sister never helped out.

If she’s so insistent then why ask her to set it aside for your childrens uni fees when they’re older. Then she’ll stop offering, you won’t feel awkward because YOU haven’t personally gained anything from her and it’s sitting there so she can always take it back if she makes a thing of it in the future. Worst case you give it back, best case your children have access to funds to further their education.

Could you remind of your friend's address, I seem to have mislaid it.

Are they planning a holiday this year, do you know?

If she won't take no for an answer, tell her that you'll accept it and donate it to charity.

I don't think it sounds as though she is being patronising, but just ask her to set what she would have given you in trust for your dc. I am sure it will come in handy towards house deposit?

I’d just say that is very sweet but really not needed - she could donate it to a charity close to your heart if she really wants to give money away! Last bit optional!

I’d be the same unless desperate/struggling.

Definitely comes across as Lady Bountiful, giving her husband's investment returns away.

What does FTBs mean?

Duh! Ignore me.

First time buyers.

@JabbaTheBeachHut first time buyers

I definitely know she comes from a good place, she is a sweet and caring person.
I like the charity idea!

Solid combined income of 6 figures, don’t most couples? I don’t even have a London wage.

@sweetheartbubbles well it was just a way of saying we are not struggling with low or average wages

Bloody hell no! Especially when the average UK salary is £35k.

No, most don't. Do you live in cloud cuckoo land?

According to ONS, the median household income before taxes and benefits is around £35k. So no, not most couples.

How would she actually make the payment? If she doesn't have your bank details then there is only so much she can insist, unless she is going to pass you a briefcase of £50 notes or write you a cheque (which you can choose not to pay in, or shred it if you want to make a point). You simply say no and make sure there is no mechanism for her to gift the money, and that is the end of the matter.

Maybe rather than her giving money maybe she could treat you to something. Weekend away together or something.

@samanai well she does have my bank details as we are close friends and have transferred each other money before for things like friends’ gifts, buying flights together etc.
I have insisted and will insist if she brings it up again but wanted to understand from others if IABU. I haven’t spoken to anyone else in real life about this

its all very odd. Does her husband know she is going around giving his hard earned money away?

Two close friends have come unstuck because of a gift. They are no longer talking and a legal agreement set up so one pays the other back across five years. 15 years of friendship ended. Don’t do it.

It is kind of her. You don't need it but perhaps your dc would be happy to receive it one day. Your wage isn't that high, multiple dc at uni is bloody expensive. I would have loved a gift from a fairy godmother rather than having to work nearly all the time I wasn't studying.

I think I'd say that gifting to the dc at a later date may well ge appreciated and leave it at that, it's up to her if she remembers when the time comes.

Have you asked her if her husband knows?

How much is she offering?