Prudish or rightly offended

[Winedanddined]

Moved into a new team at work and not too sure what to do. It is a professional role and a shared office. Most of the team are great but one member makes explicit sexual references and comments all the time, anything innocent gets twisted. The others ignore or humour him, but I find it really uncomfortable and it seems I am the only one. What would you do.

just say “I really hate endless sex jokes and innuendo, can you stop?”

Well either front it out and tell him to shut up or complain to HR with documented notes of what he has said and to who.

Not really sure how a grown man in this day and age thinks this appropriate office behaviour though.

Ask them if they are 15 and at school or an adult at work?

How dated. He sounds like some sort of 70s throwback.

YANBU - this isn't acceptable at work. I also suspect that you aren't the only person who doesn't like it. People might be ignoring or humouring him, but they aren't following suit with similar 'jokes' of their own, from what you've said? So it's not actually a thing that everyone joins in with, just a thing that they tolerate.

Are there any other women on the team?

Say 'That's enough with the sexual innuendos. I don't want to hear it.' If he continues start a formal process beginning with keeping a diary.

God I hate people like that. He probably finds himself hilarious. I'd call him out, each & every time.

It is pretty pathetic to listen to and any attempt to shut it down seems to spur him on.

'Did you just say something really inappropriate out loud?

I'm telling you one more time, next stop HR.

@Winedanddined Speak to HD. Give examples. Just because others don’t, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. It’s not acceptable.

We noticed a “works outing” at racing this week. One noisy man was making lewd body movements. Just not pleasant. I noticed some people in the group moving away from him. Just unpleasant to see. So speak to HR. If management has tolerated this, they are wrong to do so. Don’t speak the man. You know how that would end up,

This sounds draining. Confront it head on with him. If it continues take it to HR. There’s no room for this outdated & immature nonsense. You never know, once you raise it your other colleagues might be supportive and relieved.

very next time say "John, if I have to listen to one more highly inappropriate and offensive comment from you, I will report you to HR"

Start referring to him as Mr Sleaze, in front of him & the team. Tell him, loudly, he is embarrassing himself.

Sadly there are more women than men, that is the bit I am struggling with.

I bet a lot of the team are also not happy about it but as they have not said anything before they find it difficult now. I had a similar situation but being new you can just confront him - when I flagged it quite a few (particularly women who were less senior) told me how grateful they were

Don't ignore it

Could you ask him to repeat it? They rarely do
Or act stupid "you mentioned doing it and laughed, what were you laughing at? we were talking about who is making the coffee, were you confused?"

Thank you all. I feel very isolated and think I will be the bad guy, but will take it further.

Please dont ignore this. If its an established team you'e moved in to I suspect the other team members that are ignoring or humouring him may have already said something to him in the past - but because nothing was done - he's just continued.

Ask him to stop. Tell him his comments/jokes are offensive.
If he does't stop or even tries to justify his behaviour "No one else minds...." then take it up with his manager or HR.

I would put money on him going something along the lines of shushing dramatically, or saying “teachers here”, etc etc once you’ve said it, so I would not a couple of times down in your diary, then go head on with asking to stop. If he does try to mock you go straight to HR.

Bang on, if you don’t find it funny you are the problem

Women are always the problem if they won’t take verbal abuse banter. I’d be very tempted to just say “do you ever shut the fuck up?” But I have a short fuse for people repeatedly being annoying.

What's your manager like? At my workplace, a private word with the manager would have seen this sorted pronto.

Would/could it be classed as sexual harassment?

Absolutely not acceptable in a modern office environment, OP, and certainly not prudish. It's unprofessional and runs the risk of bringing the organisation into disrepute. Does he talk this way in front of clients/ members of the public? If so, I'd escalate it immediately. It's inappropriate behaviour. If you dare, speak out in front of the team. Just a calm but firm 'I really dislike this innuendo. We're at work and I don't find it appropriate or professional.' I'm sure others will applaud you, if silently. Then if he continues, escalate to a formal complaint.

Does your company have a policy handbook? Check for anything in there regarding language and banter at work. Some companies include it under sexual harassment. It should be taken seriously by HR.