Prudish or rightly offended

[Winedanddined]

Moved into a new team at work and not too sure what to do. It is a professional role and a shared office. Most of the team are great but one member makes explicit sexual references and comments all the time, anything innocent gets twisted. The others ignore or humour him, but I find it really uncomfortable and it seems I am the only one. What would you do.

What kind of things does he say?

Types of comments, discussing genitals, breasts, ovaries and ejaculation mainly.

Might add trying to pass round explicit clips from the internet

Then just jump straight to HR. That’s massively overstepping.

It's sexual harassment. It doesn't have to be aimed at you to be harassment. I would raise it with a line manager.

that takes it to a whole new level
go to HR

Not prudish. It's not acceptable at work.

Either challenge it directly or complain through the appropriate channels

Is Benny hill your role model if so the 1970s wants you back.
Or the direct approach...shut up you idiot.

WTF! Report it quoting everything.

Your post practically gave me flashbacks, OP. He sounds just like an asshat I used to work with in the early 90s. That behaviour is puerile and tedious.

Do you have any idea how the rest of the team feel about his behaviour? If they all think it's just fun and bantz, addressing it may make you unpopular with your peers. If some of them don't like it either, there may be scope to address it as a group.

Otherwise, I think this needs to be taken to a manager. Check out what the employer's sexual harrassment policy says the process is, and if there's any reference to this sort of sexually explicit talk in the workplace, that will show you how to proceed. If it's unclear (or there is no such policy!), speak to your line manager and explain how it's making you feel. If nothing is done, take it to HR. Document everything, too.

When it was happening to me, it was in a very behind the times local authority, I was on an all-male team and the first woman to do that job at that council. They didn't even have a sexual harrassment policy until I'd been there around 18 months. But once they did, I just said one day "Fred, the council approved the sexual harrassment policy last week. Please don't make me be the first person to use it." He had a face like a slapped arse at that, but he never came out with smut and sex talk in my presence again.

Thank you Ladies, will address it and let you know outcome. Expecting it was just a joke but we will see x

Oh wow. HR. Porn in the office? I’m astounded the women put up with that. Surely that’s gross misconduct?

I hope that joke comes back and bites his arse.

Banter between long standing colleagues who give and receive like minded comments is one thing but some clown making inappropriate comments to all and sundry in the office is unprofessional, crass and pathetic.

Look him in the eye and say,

"Geoffrey, your comments of a sexual nature and innuendo are not amusing and are unprofessional. Please refrain from uteri g such pathetic nonsense in my earshot or I will have to take the matter further."

Then take the matter further and say that the comments make you feel extremely uncomfortable.

There's a bit of "carry on/sid James" banter that's ok if everyone finds it funny, bit cheeky but overall, harmless.

This all sounds far too much, well and truly over the line, that this isn't funny.

I really hope you make a difference here and get this twat out because he sounds unbearable.

Oh this is not on. I’d be speaking to your line manager. Does he want to get fired. Some of the women will hate it but won’t want to raise their head above the parapet. You need a menopausal colleague who doesn’t give a shit to tell the manager/hr if you feel you can’t.

In many offices that would be gross misconduct. Forwarding porn or obscene images to a work colleague would be a sackable offence in many organisations.

You're not wrong, but at the same time, you and I have been around vastly different women it seems 😅

And so it should be.

Pluvia.ur so right.

I worked with someone like this in the 90s had to report him twice. First time I reported him to the dept manager - he was making filthy jokes to everyone including a 16 year old. Later an older woman came to me and asked me to support her as he’d been sat beside her and she was very uncomfortable with his frequently filthy mouth. This time I went to HR - first report had not been recorded, very frustrating - I left the company after that but was horrified by what they expect woman to put up with. What was interesting was the other guys in the team were concerned that I might report them - they felt very vulnerable. Times have changed now - it could be easier to address this issue.

I had this in my office it was my male line manager. I tried to shut it down but he was very popular and it just carried on very difficult

Speak to your/his (I assume you have the same) line manager.

Unless it's a small or unusual company or if the manager doesn't respond in the expected manner, I wouldn't advise going to HR, their first question would be 'have you addressed this with the individual or the line manager?' In most companies HR only advise, they don't actually do grievance/ mediation hands-on. Check your policy and find the right point person for raising this.

Raise it though if you find it unacceptable, best nip it in the bud early.

That's highly likely also a violation of the IT policy in addition to harassment. I've ben involved in cases where this has been a quick and straight forward dismissal once digital footprint of this sort firmly established.

I worked with a couple of guys like this, who only ever had sex on their minds. Once you get to know your colleagues better, you will find that everyone rolls their eyes at them. I would wait until he says something particularly inappropriate and then tell him it's inappropriate. Make sure there are enough of your colleagues about when you do it.

Regarding clips from the internet, I've worked in places where that was regarded as gross professional misconduct. I would report that.