OH Upset over sexual past

[Spicybiscuit]

My partner and I have been together for 15 years, while I had a fair amount of experience at university I was his first. Whist I know this lack of experience has sometimes been an unspoken bone of contention I've mostly kept quiet about my sexual past.
About a week ago while having a few drinks with my partner I happened to talk about dating and mentioned the few dates I had been on shortly after meeting him. He got all cold and quiet, I explained that it was before we had become "exclusive" and once we had become a couple I had stopped and haven't been with anyone else since.
He has remained quite cold with me I simply don't understand why he is so hurt by something that occurred when we had only gone on a few dates.
I'm trying to be understanding but I really don't understand.

Did you post about this a couple of weeks ago? Read enough exactly the same post not long ago, all the advice there was ignored too.

Someone has already wheeled out 'gaslighting' and 'insecure' and all that stuff but I think this is your cock up, OP sorry. Ok, you weren't exclusive but why not leave it in the past if you knew he wasn't seeing anyone else or if it was a funny and reasonably innocent story from your younger years, gloss over the dates?!

I wouldn't want to hear about DP dating others after we had met. It's not about whether you were in the wrong, it's not a court of law. It's about discretion and caring for your partner's feelings.

I think give him a bit of time then pick your moment to affirm how special what you've always had is, right from those early days. If he uses this to punish you after you've tried to put it right that's different but I think he's currently entitled to be hurt. 'we weren't exclusive, your honour' isn't putting it right.

@Didimum sorry, I didn't see your reply. You're right. If someone is seeing others they really should say so. Especially if other person seems less experienced.
I personally always went 'exclusive' with someone after sleeping together if I liked them and wanted to keep seeing them. They seemed to have the same attitude.
But last time I dated was the early 2000s lol.

I've never understood dating several people at one time tbh, maybe if it wasn't working after a few dates I'd say so and then look to date someone else. I can see why this would upset him. . Especially as he was inexperienced and thought you were exclusive. All you can do is give him time to get over it x

Its a bit more specific than just your “dating past” he’s upset about though isn’t it?

If it came up organically and you spoke of people you were with before you met him, and he got upset, then that’s pathetic on his half.

However you dropped the bombshell that you dated other people whilst dating him too! I’m surprised you can’t see that he’d be upset by this.

Ive been with my boyfriend five years and remember those early days of dating like it was yesterday. Such lovely, fond memories. We met at a work conference and hit it off straight away, so we swapped numbers. After two weeks of texting we arranged to go for drinks, and shared a kiss that night, and from our second date onwards were sleeping together. Those first few weeks/months were so exciting and lovely. If I found out now that at the same time, he was dating other people/kissing or sleeping with other people I would be absolutely heartbroken! I would be so sad looking back at how excited and blissfully happy I was, knowing he was shagging other people whilst I was going to bed feeling all giddy at the prospect of our next date.

I really can’t see how you can’t see how upset your partner would be at this revelation!

I can see it both ways. My wife was a virgin when we met (for cultural/religious reasons) but recently I found out she had several other oral sex partners when were first dating and living in the dorms. I was a bit taken aback, but I’m also glad she was able to share this with me when I asked.