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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask was I a bad friend?

72 replies

notagdfriend · 02/08/2024 07:16

I have a childhood friend, very close growing up but have slightly drifted as adults. I got married quite young and have a son with complex needs.. Friend has a lot of mental health issues and is a functioning alcohol. I've tried to support her/get help but she's resistant to it.

Recently it was her hendo , a night away. It started early (about 11 am) it was fun but by 9pm I was flagging, we were in a pub most of group were dancing, a couple were sat. I sat down a few minutes to look at my phone and message dh. Almost immediately friend came over and asked if I was dancing. I said I was having a minute. (Most of others were dancing I wasn't stopping the fun) She then said she wanted me to request a song (she has a habit of asking me to do things for her, get drinks, accompany to toilet etc) I said she could request her own song if she wanted one. She walked off , I felt bad as it's her hen do. I got up danced, requested songs for her.

We all got back to hotel about 1am. We are sharing a room, she mentions setting her alarm for 5am. I said make sure you turn it off as we don't need to be up that early (we are meeting at 10, no plans to do anything before then) she said she would.

5am her alarm wakes me, I ignore it. Ten minutes later it goes off again. A further ten minutes later and it goes off for the third time. I say 'Sarah turn your fucking alarm off'

I have insomnia so i basically lay wide awake from 5am . Friend sleeps (and snores) until 9. She is very off when we are getting ready (one word answers) I ask what's up and she glared at me and went to the bathroom to call her bf. When she comes out I try to ask her what's wrong she turns it on me saying something is wrong with me. I say I'm just tired. She then goes on about how I overreacted to alarm going off and why did I make an issue of it. I say let's leave it it's fine let's just enjoy the day. She keeps pushing me to tell her why the alarm was an issue. In the end I snap that of course setting a 5am alarm when you went to bed at 130 is an issue and that given I never sleep well (due to sons needs) maybe I was looking forward to a lay in.

She burst into tears and said I ruined her hendo and how can she go out and have fun today after the way I spoke to her. She told other friends who comforted her and I was basically the bad guy. I felt massively uncomfortable for rest of day

Was I an awful friend? Should I just have kept my mouth shut?

OP posts:
TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre · 02/08/2024 07:22

Bridezilla. Very needy and inconsiderate friend. Yes it was her hen do, yes the weekend was all about her. But the alarm thing would piss me off too.

The friends had to comfort her. They could hardly tell her to cop the hell on. But they were just trying to keep the peace. I'd say most of them sympathised with you.

Forget it. She was being a twat, but as it was "her" weekend felt entitled to.

Bluebirdover · 02/08/2024 07:23

TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre · 02/08/2024 07:22

Bridezilla. Very needy and inconsiderate friend. Yes it was her hen do, yes the weekend was all about her. But the alarm thing would piss me off too.

The friends had to comfort her. They could hardly tell her to cop the hell on. But they were just trying to keep the peace. I'd say most of them sympathised with you.

Forget it. She was being a twat, but as it was "her" weekend felt entitled to.

Nailed it! First post.

Total bridezilla

eish · 02/08/2024 07:24

TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre · 02/08/2024 07:22

Bridezilla. Very needy and inconsiderate friend. Yes it was her hen do, yes the weekend was all about her. But the alarm thing would piss me off too.

The friends had to comfort her. They could hardly tell her to cop the hell on. But they were just trying to keep the peace. I'd say most of them sympathised with you.

Forget it. She was being a twat, but as it was "her" weekend felt entitled to.

Absolutely this

Evaka · 02/08/2024 07:25

She sounds like a pain in the arse and that you don't like her very much, with good reason. Maybe just let this friendship fizzle? I couldn't be bothered with that level of drama and tension.

PBandJ111 · 02/08/2024 07:25

What they said!

GeraniumJenny · 02/08/2024 07:25

Why did she set the alarm for 5.30am? She’s a selfish

BibbleandSqwauk · 02/08/2024 07:26

not at all - she sounds extremely selfish. Honestly, I would have gone home for the second day I think. You don't have to hang around and be the bad guy. How ridiculous to not cancel the alarm. I hope you're not a bridesmaid - if so, I'd be ducking put of that PDQ.

velvetcoat · 02/08/2024 07:26

She's awful, I dont know why you are still friends with her. She sounds selfish AF.

Seaglassandchampagne · 02/08/2024 07:26

TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre · 02/08/2024 07:22

Bridezilla. Very needy and inconsiderate friend. Yes it was her hen do, yes the weekend was all about her. But the alarm thing would piss me off too.

The friends had to comfort her. They could hardly tell her to cop the hell on. But they were just trying to keep the peace. I'd say most of them sympathised with you.

Forget it. She was being a twat, but as it was "her" weekend felt entitled to.

Yes, spot on!!

Loopytiles · 02/08/2024 07:27

The info about her MH, alcohol problems and past annoying behaviour on nights out seems irrelevant.

bit demanding of her to ask you to request a song, but it was her hen do and your response seems rather blunt.

Weird and annoying of her to set the alarm for 5am, but swearing at her was uncalled for and it was unrealistic of you to hope for a decent sleep when sharing a room at a hen do.

Her reaction sounds OTT.

paradisecircus · 02/08/2024 07:29

Weird behaviour from her, and I don't understand why she'd leave her alarm to go off at 5 a.m. YANBU.

paradisecircus · 02/08/2024 07:32

bit demanding of her to ask you to request a song, but it was her hen do and your response seems rather blunt

She sounds like the sort of person who needs a blunt response from time to time!

DifficultBloodyWoman · 02/08/2024 07:35

She is batshit. You are normal.

WonderingWanda · 02/08/2024 07:36

She sounds like a nightmare....I hate drunk people who insist I dance because if I'm not dancing I must not be having fun. Or even worse the ones that insist I am responsible for their fun.

Also the 5.30 alarm going off repeatedly would have elicited a similar response from me.

It sounds like you've outgrown each other to be honest.

notagdfriend · 02/08/2024 07:37

BibbleandSqwauk · 02/08/2024 07:26

not at all - she sounds extremely selfish. Honestly, I would have gone home for the second day I think. You don't have to hang around and be the bad guy. How ridiculous to not cancel the alarm. I hope you're not a bridesmaid - if so, I'd be ducking put of that PDQ.

The second day was the last day thankfully. No im not a bridesmaid.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 02/08/2024 07:39

No you were not. She is an attention seeking, pain in the hole and you don’t need people like that in your life.

Stop doubting yourself.

The alarm thing alone would have me end the friendship. A good friend of mine set their alarm on holidays once ( we emerge sharing a room), just so he could wake up, ‘smile and turn over and go back to sleep and enjoy the lie in’
I could not believe what I was hearing and told them they if they woke me unnecessarily again then our relationship was over. I would seriously question someone’s mind if they are setting alarms for no reason. I can’t go back to sleep after being woken like that.

p.s. I hate alarms!!!

notagdfriend · 02/08/2024 07:39

Loopytiles · 02/08/2024 07:27

The info about her MH, alcohol problems and past annoying behaviour on nights out seems irrelevant.

bit demanding of her to ask you to request a song, but it was her hen do and your response seems rather blunt.

Weird and annoying of her to set the alarm for 5am, but swearing at her was uncalled for and it was unrealistic of you to hope for a decent sleep when sharing a room at a hen do.

Her reaction sounds OTT.

You're probably right I just wanted to give a clear picture that her mh/addiction could impact on her behaviour .

OP posts:
ForGreyKoala · 02/08/2024 07:56

She sounds like a nightmare, and not someone I would want to call a friend.

Couldyounot · 02/08/2024 07:59

She sounds insufferable. I wouldn't have been over keen on the alarm going off either.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 02/08/2024 08:07

I just wouldn't worry about it, and I wouldn't fall out over it. By the end of a hen night everyone is tired and ratty, and someone is angry with someone for no good reason, and more than one person has behaved badly. I just think that, like new years eve, hen nights are messy.

supertouper · 02/08/2024 08:08

Setting an alarm for 5am when everyone has been up until 1.30am and people have specifically asked you not to sounds deliberate to me. Its as if she wants you to be annoyed at her so she can then play the role of victim to everyone else.

Be very wary of this person. She knows exactly what she's doing.

pictoosh · 02/08/2024 08:15

Think short break type hen dos are rife with this sort of thing.
Everyone's tired after being 'switched on' for the event and all the expected/forced jollity. You're away from home and you're spending a small fortune indulging someone who is being a self-centred brat.

Tempers do become frayed.

pictoosh · 02/08/2024 08:17

TheYearOfSmallThings · 02/08/2024 08:07

I just wouldn't worry about it, and I wouldn't fall out over it. By the end of a hen night everyone is tired and ratty, and someone is angry with someone for no good reason, and more than one person has behaved badly. I just think that, like new years eve, hen nights are messy.

Yeah I agree.

Hen and stag dos have grown into an expensive, time-consuming monster haven't they?

DecayedStrumpet · 02/08/2024 08:18

What was the reasoning behind the 5am alarm?

I have had alcohol issues in the past and will admit to sometimes rolling in pissed thinking I feel so amazing that I'll set my alarm early and go for a run 😳

Lucytheloose · 02/08/2024 08:24

Why would anyone set an alarm for 5am who didn't have to be up early?