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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is dp slightly twisted?

37 replies

totalmisfit · 14/04/2008 14:47

He was about to take dd shopping. They were standing in the hallway, both in their socks. DD (2 yrs old) points at dp's feet and says 'Daddy shoes on.' To which he replies 'yes you need to put your shoes on.' DD repeats herself again, slightly frustrated 'Daddy shoes on!'. He says 'Yes, X (her name) shoes on!' This repetition carries on for a few minutes, with her making the same observation again and again, getting increasingly frustrated with him and him deliberately winding her up until she's on the brink of tears and shouting 'Daddy shoes on!!!' and he's laughing, finding it hilarious.

So i intervened by saying 'yes, you both need to put your shoes on' then having a very stern word with him. I just don't get, when life with a toddler is so hard anyway, why he would need to make it harder by winding her up like this. And i don't get why he found it so funny when she got upset. Winding up a 2 year old seems a cruel and pointless thing to do. is it just me or should i be seriously worried about his psyche?

OP posts:
meemar · 14/04/2008 14:52

I wouldn't be seriously worried, but yes it was a mean thing to do. Have a word with your DP and explain why it's not funny. Toddlers don't get the joke and it was childish of him to continue when she was getting seriously frustrated.

Some people just don't see things from a childs pov though. FIL constantly winds up DS1 (age 4). He is always doing that thing where he tells him he can't have pudding or he won't get any presents for birthday/xmas and thinks his reaction is funny. Not being intentionally cruel, just that he doesn't see that children don't get the joke.

hecate · 14/04/2008 14:54

Sounds like there's nothing more in it than a daft chap thinking winding someone up is funny - what a surprise, eh?!! Sounds like he was doing the (sorry) typical bloke thing of taking something too far, not spotting warning signs and failing to think...a cuff round the ears should suffice. If you were saying that there was a pattern, where he did it all the time and you believed he enjoyed seeing her upset and that his motive was malicious, that would be quite different and then you would be reasonable to worry about his psyche.

MaureenMLove · 14/04/2008 14:55

Sadly, that's what daddys do! wind them up and then leave it to us to mop up the tears! Mean to let her get in such a state that she's upset though.

Original poster
totalmisfit · 14/04/2008 14:57

well he does this kind of thing to me an awful lot [anger] and it certainly feel like cuffing him round the ears when he does so, but to my knowledge this is the first time i've seen behaving this way towards her

OP posts:
hecate · 14/04/2008 15:04

So he enjoys getting people upset then? That's rather twatish. Foot down on throat time I think. I'd be inclined to walk away whenever he does it, with a withering look and a muttered "I thought I married a man, not a child." And repeated cries of "Oh FFS, how juvenile of you!" might help. Or show him this......

WE THINK YOU'RE A PRAT!!!!!!!!

Lollypopzmummy · 14/04/2008 15:07

My husband has done similar things too. . . mentality being along the same age range methinks!

Original poster
totalmisfit · 14/04/2008 15:11

lol hecate! he does have some positive traits but this is one that really grates on me. it's like he can't tell or doesn't care that the butt of his joke isn't laughing.

lollypopzmummy - could be right there, well there is that old cliche about men never growing up...you have my sympathies...

OP posts:
hecate · 14/04/2008 15:13

Men just do I think. I remember my dad used to chant "Crappy bit of hong kong (I know, I know!!) plastic" about my dolls, my beloved babies, over and over until I cried. He also used to tickle me until I literally wet myself because he just wouldn't stop when I was BEGGING him to. He also used to 'tip-tap' me, all the time. And when I finally lost my temper and told him to FUCK OFF, he told me off a) for swearing and b) for having no sense of humour and being mardy.

Come to think of it, he's just a twat of the highest order.

dittany · 14/04/2008 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lollypopzmummy · 14/04/2008 15:18

Ooh Ooh got a good one!!
Bought DD1 a "colour doodle" (like magna doodle but with colours dontcha know!) y'day at a car boot he's played on it more than she has and actually gives excuses for her to go away and play with something else whilst he's busy doodling. . . it's hilarious in it's own way!

kitbit · 14/04/2008 15:22

Tell him you've crashed his car, keep insisting there's loads of damage and see how funny he thinks it is when you finally say "only kidding"

edam · 14/04/2008 15:25

It's very unkind and a pathetic way for a grown man to behave. Can you sit him down and have a serious talk about how this feels from dd's point of view? Try to make him understand that she was distressed and there is nothing big or clever about upsetting a toddler for an adult's amusement.

mawbroon · 14/04/2008 15:30

hecate - my dad used to do stuff like that too. I remember him torturing my sister's beloved teddy bear on a regular basis, just to see her wound up. Bloody nasty if you ask me.

hanaflower · 14/04/2008 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SueBaroo · 14/04/2008 15:41

Oh definitely talk to him. He's being a bully. And if he were my dh, I'd be looking at him in my best "My, what a disappointing size" look while I told him that, too.

dittany · 14/04/2008 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmugColditz · 14/04/2008 15:46

I would have removed two year old and said "Why are you being spiteful to your little girl? Do you enjoy making tiny children cry? How could you keep punishing her like that when you could see how upset she was that her daddy, her only daddy, is being so cruel to her? I thought you were a man, not a 4 year old girl."

And then I would walk away coldly.

But I'm a cow.

VictorianSqualor · 14/04/2008 15:54

Last night I got into DS's bed whilst he was brushng his teeth and pretended to be asleep, I got 'Muummy, that's MY bed!' about twenty times, but as soon as he stopped laughing I stopped pretending to be asleep and made him laugh.
From what I can gather it was a similar situation, he just doens't know when to stop.

lucyellensmum · 14/04/2008 15:59

hes a prat!!! I would have been inclined to leave him with tantruming toddler and let him get on with it - fuckwit.

Callisto · 14/04/2008 16:44

I'm amazed at all of the 'It's just what men do' comments. Erm, not men of my aquaintance, I can't even imagine dp doing something like this. How sad that it is so accepted.

Callisto · 14/04/2008 16:45

Arg - how sad that it is so acceptable to some.

Janni · 14/04/2008 16:59

I've noticed my dad and FIL do stuff a bit like this. A toddler has something precious and they'll keep saying 'is that mine? that's mine isn't it?' as the toddler gets more and more upset. It's pathetic. Sometimes I think some men are totally unable to get down to the level of a small child. They find it too tedious, so they try to get kicks or laughs just to make it more interesting.

wb · 14/04/2008 17:03

I think he was being mean I do think its the sort of thing some men do without realising they've gone too far but I would not let someone (and esp. not dh) treat my toddler like that.

BigBadMouse · 14/04/2008 17:10

I wouldn't be seriously worried about his psyche but I would be seriously p**d off about his behaviour. My DH does this and similar sometimes and it really grates - especially th fact that I am the one who has to pick up the pieces .

I think it is a pretty common think in men but that doesn't mean it is acceptable.

Hope it is just a one-off or rare occurrance for you and your DD.

hecate · 14/04/2008 17:20

It does seem very common. It's like inside every man is a little boy pulling wings off flies and holding a jam jar over an ant hill. I know it's not every man btw, before you beat me! My dh, for example, would never dream of behaving like my dad did. But you should know, totalmisfit, because it is important for your daughter, that I hated my dad when I was a kid and I haven't any time for him nowadays, tbh. I think he's a creepy old tosspot. How your parents treat you matters and it's more complex than whether they fed you, or whether they hit you......