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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is dp slightly twisted?

37 replies

totalmisfit · 14/04/2008 14:47

He was about to take dd shopping. They were standing in the hallway, both in their socks. DD (2 yrs old) points at dp's feet and says 'Daddy shoes on.' To which he replies 'yes you need to put your shoes on.' DD repeats herself again, slightly frustrated 'Daddy shoes on!'. He says 'Yes, X (her name) shoes on!' This repetition carries on for a few minutes, with her making the same observation again and again, getting increasingly frustrated with him and him deliberately winding her up until she's on the brink of tears and shouting 'Daddy shoes on!!!' and he's laughing, finding it hilarious.

So i intervened by saying 'yes, you both need to put your shoes on' then having a very stern word with him. I just don't get, when life with a toddler is so hard anyway, why he would need to make it harder by winding her up like this. And i don't get why he found it so funny when she got upset. Winding up a 2 year old seems a cruel and pointless thing to do. is it just me or should i be seriously worried about his psyche?

OP posts:

Janni · 14/04/2008 18:00

I agree, hecate. My dad did not have a sodding clue about what it meant to be a child and the only relationship I have with him now is one of pity because he is old and very disabled.

SmugColditz · 14/04/2008 19:31

I don't allow people to tease my children like that, ever since a silly cashier teased my (then) 3 year old at the checkout about some chocolate buttons, doing that 'funny' "Ooohhh these are mine aren't they!" thing. And she wouldn't drop it, and then he cried. And now i immediately intervene, and say "No, she's just joking, you will get them in a minute, just wait until she's finished."

Which assures the child that not only will they get their treat, but that I am on their side, and also (I hope) gives the adult the impression that she (or he) is being really rather silly and my patience with it is wearing thin.

pinkyminky · 14/04/2008 19:45

My parents used to do that whole passive aggressive thing on me,and as my brother and sister got older, they started doing it too. It isn't nice. They revert to it sometimes now when they are all together. As a result I don't like family get togethers much at all. My Dad was the main culprit. He delights in deriding people.
My DH can get into circular conversations similar to the one here, but it's because he doesn't always realise what DS is getting at- so it's more slow on the uptake than teasing.

Troutpout · 14/04/2008 19:50

yanbu
once is or twice is funny (as long as she is aware he is trying to make her giggle)...but over and over with no explanation is a bit odd (and a bit of a head fuck tbh)
errm ..maybe point out who is supposed to be the toddler here?

NotQuiteCockney · 14/04/2008 19:55

Yes, my family had some of this in it. I can't stand it. DH doesn't do this. He does wind them up jokingly (as do I) but we both stop if they get upset.

Ags · 14/04/2008 20:25

I agree that this behaviour is not acceptable and if your dh is otherwise a fairly decent guy a serious chat with you telling him how much this can upset and hurt your lo should do the trick. I cannot bear anyone winding my children up in this way. IT IS JUST NOT FUNNY.

AbricotsSecs · 14/04/2008 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Crunchie · 14/04/2008 21:26

Oh dear both dh and I do this with our kids!! However they are 7 and 9 so they get tehe joke!! and we don't go on until they dry

However we do wind them up!! Usually it is about DD1 and boyfriends as it makes her scream, so we laugh at her!!! But them DH will burp and we will laugh at him, so I am sorry it is all v v childish!!

hecate · 14/04/2008 21:52

Aw, but that's different Crunchie - if your kids aren't upset that just makes it a bit of family fun.

Totalmisfit - A joke is where everyone is laughing. Oherwise it's just bullying.

cadelaide · 14/04/2008 22:03

I'm surprised that so many of you think this is typical behaviour from a man.

My neighbour teases his son until he cries and then says; "...lessons in life son, lessons in life". (Lessons in having a twat for a father, I'd call it.)

Apart from him, I don't know any men that behave this way. My father didn't, DP never would, I'm confident DSs won't.

I guess I've been lucky.

WallOfSilence · 14/04/2008 22:20

I remember dd getting dressed to go out one day & she waltzed across to show daddy what she was wearing... dh was getting dressed at the time.

She asked him what he was wearing & as he had just got his boxers & socks on, he told her he was going like that.

She smiled & watched as he put his shoes on & lifted the car keys.... then she burst into tears!! Dh was mortified!!! he really was joking & he doesn't have a cruel bone in his body!

Ags · 14/04/2008 22:42

I think the difference there WallofSilence is that he didn't continue taunting your dd after seeing she was getting upset. That sounds like a proper joke the impact of which could not be predicted. Who knows what goes on in the heads of our children?! The other examples mentioned seem very targetted at generating a negative response from the child.

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