Does he fancy me or not? Can't tell.

Shirtonmyback · 2024-07-31T21:02:51+00:00

I guess yanbu- He seems to Yanbu- No I don't think he does. We're only friends ATM, but. He's happy to talk to me every single day, whether in person or by msg. We had a coffee together and we were there from 2pm until 6:30. The conversation flowed, this is a big thing for me as I'm very introverted and shy, usually after an hour or two I want to leave, even if I like the person, I find it draining. He kinda teases me sometimes. I didn't see him for one day, and the next time he saw me he said 'long time no see'. Or he said stuff like 'In order to carry on talking to you, I need to know if you like Xyz film' (joking ofc). I know men and women can just get on and be friends without wanting more, but I do like him. Does it sound like we have chemistry? We have very similar personalities too which is great and tons in common.

MakingPlans2025 · 31/07/2024 22:22

I think he likes you 💜

TheWoodlanders · 31/07/2024 22:24

I have had similar relationships to this and it turned out he really liked me but didn’t fancy me. Despite the widespread idea that it’s easy for women to attract men actually think it’s not at all easy. Men tend to be shallow. They can really like a woman a lot but if she’s not slim and conventionally attractive he’ll keep her dangling, developing a closer and closer bond but not committing because she doesn’t look quite right. Naturally of course a nice man would not admit to doing this, perhaps is not even aware of his own responses, but it’s true and I have seen and experienced it over and over.

Men can sincerely value your friendship but unless you look like a babe it is meaningless as far as a proper relationship goes. It does your head in.

Frazzledmama23 · 31/07/2024 22:26

I agree, sounds great! so long as you're sure hes not gay? how do you know him?

JacquesHarlow · 31/07/2024 22:27

Men tend to be shallow. They can really like a woman a lot but if she’s not slim and conventionally attractive he’ll keep her dangling, developing a closer and closer bond but not committing because she doesn’t look quite right.

The way such stuff is confidently said on here makes me involuntarily spit out my tea

So all men. All of them. Are like this. They have to be slim right?

If that was the case, a huge swathe of Britain suddenly becomes single

What you or people you know may experience, does not constitute “men”.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 31/07/2024 23:14

I'm quietly optimistic for you OP but I couldn't vote because you've given yanbu and yanbu!

xTheLoudLeaderx · 31/07/2024 23:18

Ask him and find out ! Haha. Think of a way to be playful with it, or if you like him take the plunge and just tell him.

Its definitely a long coffee date… catch up

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 31/07/2024 23:18

I said YANBU because it sounds like he does fancy you, you need to edit your vote instructions!

SwingTheMonkey · 31/07/2024 23:31

TheWoodlanders · 31/07/2024 22:24

I have had similar relationships to this and it turned out he really liked me but didn’t fancy me. Despite the widespread idea that it’s easy for women to attract men actually think it’s not at all easy. Men tend to be shallow. They can really like a woman a lot but if she’s not slim and conventionally attractive he’ll keep her dangling, developing a closer and closer bond but not committing because she doesn’t look quite right. Naturally of course a nice man would not admit to doing this, perhaps is not even aware of his own responses, but it’s true and I have seen and experienced it over and over.

Men can sincerely value your friendship but unless you look like a babe it is meaningless as far as a proper relationship goes. It does your head in.

Lol. What a load of shite. So all men are such specimens that they can keep a woman dangling because she’s not slim enough? Do me a favour!

I wasn’t thin when I met my husband. But apparently he’d fancied me for ages (and still does) Fancy that! Please don’t project these incorrect ideas onto others. It’s not fair.

xTheLoudLeaderx · 31/07/2024 23:34

@TheWoodlanders That’s definitely a you problem. You sound uncomfortable and like you compare yourself to other women… that’s a bad vibe

stonebrambleboy · 31/07/2024 23:39

How old is he?

Original poster

Shirtonmyback · 01/08/2024 07:27

Oops didn't notice I'd put yanbu- twice 🤣
So yabu is no he doesn't.

He's 31 :)

OP posts:

SwingTheMonkey · 01/08/2024 07:29

He definitely seems flirty op!

jeaux90 · 01/08/2024 07:52

OP the main thing is, do you fancy him? He is clearly enjoying the friendship, but do you want it to go further?

I have a really close male friend, but there has never been anything in it apart from that. We can just be friends with men.

Didimum · 01/08/2024 07:58

Sounds cautiously flirty on his part, OP … what do you want from it and how long has this been going on for? You can wait til he makes a definite move, make a move yourself?

Since you already have coffee ‘dates’, I don’t think it would be presumptuous to invite him to something more ‘next level up’ with more of an intimate vibe to draw it out.

ZebraD · 01/08/2024 08:02

How did you meet and how long has this been going on? Sounds cute…maybe you could increase the flirty banter a little to see how he reacts…

BikesIHaveLost · 01/08/2024 08:04

TheWoodlanders · 31/07/2024 22:24

I have had similar relationships to this and it turned out he really liked me but didn’t fancy me. Despite the widespread idea that it’s easy for women to attract men actually think it’s not at all easy. Men tend to be shallow. They can really like a woman a lot but if she’s not slim and conventionally attractive he’ll keep her dangling, developing a closer and closer bond but not committing because she doesn’t look quite right. Naturally of course a nice man would not admit to doing this, perhaps is not even aware of his own responses, but it’s true and I have seen and experienced it over and over.

Men can sincerely value your friendship but unless you look like a babe it is meaningless as far as a proper relationship goes. It does your head in.

But friendship is a ‘proper relationship’.

Cyclebabble · 01/08/2024 08:06

From how you outline it, quite possibly. My strong counsel (I am a bit older than most mumsnetters), is that you ask him to go out with you for one night to see how things then progress. If film is your thing you could do that? The number of friends I have had who have lost out on potentially good relationships just because they were not willing to try and were not sure of what the other party thought is ridiculous. There is always a risk that you finish up slightly embarrassed, but that is better than just doing nothing?

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 01/08/2024 08:07

I do all of these things with a male friend, I don't think long time no see is flirty! I'm married , so is he and I don't fancy him at all. We regularly go for coffee and chat for ages, have similar interests and have a joke with each other. Maybe he does fancy you but there's nothing in your posts so far that evidences that.

FluentRubyDog · 01/08/2024 08:38

I'll go against the grain here. In my experience (and I accept it's just my experience), blokes don't tend to lose much time if they're certain about you - but, as I said, I appreciate it's not everyone's pov. I'd tend to interpret his behaviour as liking you as a friend and possibly keeping his options open in case of a dry spell.

My gran had a very good rule: a relationship is like a Christmas pudding - best ones take a month to cook, but leave them for more than three and what you built up in your head will never match what's under cover (yup, she was a bit of a character 🤭).

OP how's your self-esteem in general?

PointsSouth · 01/08/2024 08:44

TheWoodlanders · 31/07/2024 22:24

I have had similar relationships to this and it turned out he really liked me but didn’t fancy me. Despite the widespread idea that it’s easy for women to attract men actually think it’s not at all easy. Men tend to be shallow. They can really like a woman a lot but if she’s not slim and conventionally attractive he’ll keep her dangling, developing a closer and closer bond but not committing because she doesn’t look quite right. Naturally of course a nice man would not admit to doing this, perhaps is not even aware of his own responses, but it’s true and I have seen and experienced it over and over.

Men can sincerely value your friendship but unless you look like a babe it is meaningless as far as a proper relationship goes. It does your head in.

So you reckon that every woman in a 'proper relationship' is, by definition, a babe?

This is good. I mean, it does rather imply that we can't know whether a woman is a babe until she gets into a 'proper relationship' - and that means it's men validatng babeness. That part's not good.

But on the other hand, we can now be sure that any woman who is in a 'proper relationship' is a babe, because it's that babeness that qualifies you for being in one.

Your insight just hugely expanded society's perception of who's a babe. Well done!

Blisterly · 01/08/2024 08:47

I think it sounds friendly rather than flirty. Do you want it to be more? If so, ask him on a date.

Kriscross · 01/08/2024 08:59

Sounds friendly rather than flirty. Why not ask him how he sees you

sausawyee · 01/08/2024 09:07

Is he definitely single?

GoldDuster · 01/08/2024 09:09

In my experience if a bloke that's worth getting involved with is into you, you'll be in no doubt about it.

SwingTheMonkey · 01/08/2024 09:10

PointsSouth · 01/08/2024 08:44

So you reckon that every woman in a 'proper relationship' is, by definition, a babe?

This is good. I mean, it does rather imply that we can't know whether a woman is a babe until she gets into a 'proper relationship' - and that means it's men validatng babeness. That part's not good.

But on the other hand, we can now be sure that any woman who is in a 'proper relationship' is a babe, because it's that babeness that qualifies you for being in one.

Your insight just hugely expanded society's perception of who's a babe. Well done!

Show quote history

Turns out, I’m a babe! Who fucking knew!