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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No spark text before date 3

42 replies

TipsyDenimViper · 31/07/2024 14:03

I'm early 30s and recently met a man in his late 30s from a dating app.

We chatted online for just over a week and he suggested a walk. During the online chat he was a little flirty at the end, talking about a meal he liked cooking and saying 'maybe I'll cook it for us at some point ;)'.

Anyway we met, he was nice and we had a good chat, I was at a point where I was thinking, can I be bothered with dating? But decided I'd like to give it a go.

Anyway i didn't hear from him after the date so assumed he wasn't interested. I decided to text him after a few days saying I'd like to meet up again. He said he would too, but hadn't texted me as I'd seemed in a hurry. Tbh, I don't like to linger for hours on the first date.

Anyway, we had the 2nd date and it was all a bit more relaxed. We stayed for a couple of hours, had a great chat, more eye contact etc.
No physical contact except for a kiss on the cheek but I need a couple of meetings to warm up, I can feel a bit shy doing that right away but everyone has different expectations.

Something I thought was a bit odd was that he assumed I have a car. He'd suggested a walk near his home, and he told me 'There are plenty of parking spaces here so you'll have no issues parking'.
I was like, I don't even drive. We live in a big city so it's not an issue, I just found it a bit odd how he assumed, maybe that's me being picky?

Anyway I enjoyed it, he dropped me off home in my area which was nice of him. On the drive home he was planning the 3rd date, telling me I could go to his and he'd cook for me.

When we got home I texted him saying 'Thanks for a great night, I'm definitely up for that meal. ' as a way to show I was interested.

He replied the next morning saying 'Great, we'll arrange it for next week if you like. I'm away this weekend so won't be on my phone much but I'll catch up with you Monday to plan it. '

So Monday came around, he didn't text. I sent him a casual text last night asking about his trip and saying I was looking forward to meeting. I got the generic 'no spark, best of luck in your search.' text which I know means nothing.

Not sure what people's thoughts are? It's not the end of the world by any means, but why suggest and organise another date like that?

Part of me wonders if I didn't flirt enough. Or maybe this friend he went away with was a woman and something happened.

OP posts:
Original poster
TipsyDenimViper · 31/07/2024 14:05

I did also wonder if he was trying to get me to his on date 2.
He couldn't meet until 8pm due to work, which was fine. I explained I'd have to leave about 10 at the latest as I was up at 6 the next morning for work.

He seemed kinda surprised and was like, why do you have to be up that early?

OP posts:
Sunshineafterthehail · 31/07/2024 14:05

Does sound like you weren't the only one on his books right now.

Original poster
TipsyDenimViper · 31/07/2024 14:08

I have a habit of blaming myself which I know isn't good, so now I'm blaming myself for not being flirty enough or initiating physical contact.
But I thought he'd have seen I was interested through my texts?

OP posts:
x2boys · 31/07/2024 14:13

You have had two dates he's not feeling it ,that's fine just let it go dont drive yourself mad with over analysing this

Original poster
TipsyDenimViper · 31/07/2024 14:15

x2boys · 31/07/2024 14:13

You have had two dates he's not feeling it ,that's fine just let it go dont drive yourself mad with over analysing this

Yeah true, it's just weird how he was planning the next date and then said he would let me know Monday, I really thought he'd be in touch but I guess he had a sudden change of heart.

OP posts:
PiggieWig · 31/07/2024 14:16

You can only be yourself. It would be wrong to try to be anyone else. If he wasn’t feeling the spark, he’s not the one for you.
Don’t let him occupy too much time in your head and certainly don’t criticise yourself. You just weren’t compatible and he was a bit clumsy about how he put that across.

Original poster
TipsyDenimViper · 31/07/2024 14:18

PiggieWig · 31/07/2024 14:16

You can only be yourself. It would be wrong to try to be anyone else. If he wasn’t feeling the spark, he’s not the one for you.
Don’t let him occupy too much time in your head and certainly don’t criticise yourself. You just weren’t compatible and he was a bit clumsy about how he put that across.

Thanks :)
He maybe just said the 3rd date thing out of politeness.

Anyway, he got road rage in the car which was a bit off-putting, said something about 'fat kids' and had a tattoo of a chicken on his arm.

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 31/07/2024 14:19

He clearly went with another girl on that weekend and things progressed. I guess it's better than him sleeping with her and still trying to date you!?
I wouldn't worry about it. He doesn't sound like the catch if the century anyway. I'd say the fact he assumed you drove was probably just bc he does, and maybe most people he knows do. That in itself wouldn't bother me.
But if you really did like him, maybe next time you like someone do try and be a bit more flirty. I'm sure you did nothing wrong though.

Original poster
TipsyDenimViper · 31/07/2024 14:21

BobbyBiscuits · 31/07/2024 14:19

He clearly went with another girl on that weekend and things progressed. I guess it's better than him sleeping with her and still trying to date you!?
I wouldn't worry about it. He doesn't sound like the catch if the century anyway. I'd say the fact he assumed you drove was probably just bc he does, and maybe most people he knows do. That in itself wouldn't bother me.
But if you really did like him, maybe next time you like someone do try and be a bit more flirty. I'm sure you did nothing wrong though.

Thanks :)
This is going to sound awful but I wasn't 100% sure if I was attracted to him because his eyes are way too close together.
It sounds so shallow I know, but in the end I decided to look past it.

True, I'll try and be flirty. I'm soo bad at it other than complimenting people but I'll try to work on it.

OP posts:
BCBird · 31/07/2024 14:22

I would not give this any head space.

Catza · 31/07/2024 14:22

TipsyDenimViper · 31/07/2024 14:21

Thanks :)
This is going to sound awful but I wasn't 100% sure if I was attracted to him because his eyes are way too close together.
It sounds so shallow I know, but in the end I decided to look past it.

True, I'll try and be flirty. I'm soo bad at it other than complimenting people but I'll try to work on it.

Show quote history

Then what's the problem then? You weren't that attracted to him and he weren't that attracted to you. No loss to either of you, by the looks of it.

hildabaker · 31/07/2024 14:23

He's sounding less and less of a catch OP as you make more posts. You sound lovely and as others have said, there's nothing wrong with just being yourself. he wasn't for you.

BobbyBiscuits · 31/07/2024 14:26

@TipsyDenimViper lol @ the chicken tattoo! And road rage. Yeah, lucky escape I'd say.
Haha 🤣

BeckiWithAnI · 31/07/2024 14:28

BCBird · 31/07/2024 14:22

I would not give this any head space.

This. That’s dating; you go on a couple of dates and you either feel it or don’t, and each person has every right to not feel it.
You won’t even remember his name a year or two from now and to be fair to him he’s done it properly. He could have ghosted or otherwise been a shit as sadly so many do. He was honest and stopped it before it went too far. I’d be grateful for that but not give it another thought. Plenty more fish in the sea.

Original poster
TipsyDenimViper · 31/07/2024 14:31

BeckiWithAnI · 31/07/2024 14:28

This. That’s dating; you go on a couple of dates and you either feel it or don’t, and each person has every right to not feel it.
You won’t even remember his name a year or two from now and to be fair to him he’s done it properly. He could have ghosted or otherwise been a shit as sadly so many do. He was honest and stopped it before it went too far. I’d be grateful for that but not give it another thought. Plenty more fish in the sea.

Show quote history

True, it's more that I'm wondering why he was the one suggesting the 3rd date if he didn't want to.

He also just said it because I texted him again yesterday, since he didn't message on Monday, I think he was hoping not to hear from me again.

OP posts:
willWillSmithsmith · 31/07/2024 14:31

Well road rage and ‘fat kids’ would have been the end for me. No thank you.

ShennyInfinity · 31/07/2024 14:32

Agree with everyone else, he's not the one for you, and just be yourself next time. To be honest, road rage would put me off straight away! Good Luck 🙂

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 31/07/2024 14:32

Well thank goodness you didn't have the 3rd date, he was only having you over to his home for sex after this meal he was going to cook.

I personally would never be going back to someone's home that soon.

However I also would not have been the person doing all the messaging after each date, if he had been into you he would have texted asking for the 2nd date.

Nothing at all to do with you being flirty or not.

I guess there was just no spark between either of you.

Original poster
TipsyDenimViper · 31/07/2024 14:33

Yeah, basically someone overtook him/cut in front and he shouted 'fucking prick!'

OP posts:
Original poster
TipsyDenimViper · 31/07/2024 14:34

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 31/07/2024 14:32

Well thank goodness you didn't have the 3rd date, he was only having you over to his home for sex after this meal he was going to cook.

I personally would never be going back to someone's home that soon.

However I also would not have been the person doing all the messaging after each date, if he had been into you he would have texted asking for the 2nd date.

Nothing at all to do with you being flirty or not.

I guess there was just no spark between either of you.

That is correct looking back, he would've messaged after the 2nd date if he were interested.
I'm glad it didn't go further in the end, maybe it was too soon. It's hard to know when the right time is tbh.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 31/07/2024 14:38

I wouldn't date someone who doesn't drive. Sounds like he just didn't feel it.

x2boys · 31/07/2024 14:48

TipsyDenimViper · 31/07/2024 14:21

Thanks :)
This is going to sound awful but I wasn't 100% sure if I was attracted to him because his eyes are way too close together.
It sounds so shallow I know, but in the end I decided to look past it.

True, I'll try and be flirty. I'm soo bad at it other than complimenting people but I'll try to work on it.

Show quote history

Neither of you were really feeling it,you haven't lost anything by meeting him a couple of times ,chalk it up to experience.

x2boys · 31/07/2024 14:51

TipsyDenimViper · 31/07/2024 14:18

Thanks :)
He maybe just said the 3rd date thing out of politeness.

Anyway, he got road rage in the car which was a bit off-putting, said something about 'fat kids' and had a tattoo of a chicken on his arm.

Show quote history

And eyes to close together 🤣🤣🤣
.

Original poster
TipsyDenimViper · 31/07/2024 14:58

I'm feeling a bit better :)

OP posts:
HellzBellzz · 31/07/2024 15:49

You are a bit of a worrier as you've already posted about this after the first date haven't you? But honestly he sounds like a dickhead you deserve better.

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