No spark text before date 3

[TipsyDenimViper]

I'm early 30s and recently met a man in his late 30s from a dating app.

We chatted online for just over a week and he suggested a walk. During the online chat he was a little flirty at the end, talking about a meal he liked cooking and saying 'maybe I'll cook it for us at some point ;)'.

Anyway we met, he was nice and we had a good chat, I was at a point where I was thinking, can I be bothered with dating? But decided I'd like to give it a go.

Anyway i didn't hear from him after the date so assumed he wasn't interested. I decided to text him after a few days saying I'd like to meet up again. He said he would too, but hadn't texted me as I'd seemed in a hurry. Tbh, I don't like to linger for hours on the first date.

Anyway, we had the 2nd date and it was all a bit more relaxed. We stayed for a couple of hours, had a great chat, more eye contact etc.
No physical contact except for a kiss on the cheek but I need a couple of meetings to warm up, I can feel a bit shy doing that right away but everyone has different expectations.

Something I thought was a bit odd was that he assumed I have a car. He'd suggested a walk near his home, and he told me 'There are plenty of parking spaces here so you'll have no issues parking'.
I was like, I don't even drive. We live in a big city so it's not an issue, I just found it a bit odd how he assumed, maybe that's me being picky?

Anyway I enjoyed it, he dropped me off home in my area which was nice of him. On the drive home he was planning the 3rd date, telling me I could go to his and he'd cook for me.

When we got home I texted him saying 'Thanks for a great night, I'm definitely up for that meal. ' as a way to show I was interested.

He replied the next morning saying 'Great, we'll arrange it for next week if you like. I'm away this weekend so won't be on my phone much but I'll catch up with you Monday to plan it. '

So Monday came around, he didn't text. I sent him a casual text last night asking about his trip and saying I was looking forward to meeting. I got the generic 'no spark, best of luck in your search.' text which I know means nothing.

Not sure what people's thoughts are? It's not the end of the world by any means, but why suggest and organise another date like that?

Part of me wonders if I didn't flirt enough. Or maybe this friend he went away with was a woman and something happened.

I couldn’t get past the chicken tattoo.

I’m glad you’ve picked up on your tendency to blame yourself.

You can only be who you are. If a man is interested in a girl that has broad shoulders, and you have narrow shoulders, there’s nothing you can do about it. It doesn’t make you right or wrong in any way, you just wouldn’t have been a match medium-term, and it can be good to find that out sooner rather than later. There’s nothing you could have done different, you are who you are and you behave how you behave.

People may say there was someone else. Does it matter if there was or there wasn’t? However, honestly, men do not get that much interest! Women tend to be the ones with lots of options. So don’t start imagining that ‘there’s someone they chose instead, I wonder what they’re like’. Likely there isn’t and it’s only going to cause you to spiral.

’Dinner at mine’ basically means dinner + sex. So would you rather have someone say they aren’t interested before or after the sex? I’d argue before is the more honest way.

Lots of men seem to think that going on a third date with someone is a pretty serious commitment, at least in my experience. Especially if it’s someone who hasn’t had sex for a while, they can seriously overthink it. People on here may say men would sleep with absolutely anyone but I’ve not found it to be the case at all.

It sounds like he didn’t exactly set your world alight before the latest exchange, so doesn’t seem like you lost anything at all? Obviously it’s disappointing but it doesn’t sound like it had great potential in any case.

Have you dated much?

The ‘come to mine and I’ll cook for you’ was an invitation for sex. If you weren’t feeling the chemistry, you’re as well it didn’t come to fruition. He was probably hoping for a good old snogging session in the car after he said that but you definitely weren’t under any obligation!

Move along and find someone you fancy! Sounds like you’d have been compromising too much if there’d been a date 3.

Isn't this the guy that didn't text you after the first date and loads of posters said to leave it because he would text you if he was interested? Let him go.

(and next time let him do more of the work of expressing interest and arranging a future date. You're setting yourself up for disappointment otherwise)

Yeah, I'm definitely feeling a lot better now. He was no prize.

He wasn't!! Hope you find someone who really appreciates you and enjoys your company.

Thank you 🥰

I hardly even thought about this today 😁

My gut feeling says, that his 'weekend away', was probably with a woman or at the very least he had a date that weekend and was hedging his bets. I'm guessing the date or weekend went well, and he's decided to pursue the other woman. Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for men to go on dates with multiple women, just to keep their options open. Please don't beat yourself up over this. It's not your fault or anything you have done. Don't give up, there are decent men out there!

lots of guys on OLD are just looking for a hook up and then move on to the next. As you're quite rightly entitled to take it slow and not have sex immediately, he's moved on to
the next. He realised you're after something genuine not just a quick shag. The right guy will wait for
you to be ready for that. He wasn't that guy. You deserve better. Good luck with your search.

He met someone else that weekend. This happened to me, I’d only been dating this guy once or twice when I met future DH. As soon I met future DH I told the first one I’d met someone else but good luck, etc. I think yours is doing that without saying they met someone else.

why would you still be giving this headspace ?

it was 2 dates. full stop.

Just googled, it was the Nandos tattoo!

🤣

When you realise you CANNOT make sense of men when dating you will be MUCH happier. If it's a no, it's a no. Analysis will not help.