To ask how you quit alcohol? I always get too drunk.

[WorthyLemur]

I need help and advice. I rarely drink alcohol (maybe half a dozen times a year). But every single time I drink, I get too drunk. This results in memory loss and horrendous hangxiety. I just don’t seem capable of knowing my limits with alcohol and I can’t keep up with the other drinkers around me.

Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation? How did you quit? My main fear is people thinking I’m unsociable. I know that’s ridiculous and I shouldn’t feel like I need alcohol to have a good time. I just know something needs to change because I’m not happy with how things are.,

There's lots and lots of advice on these friendly helpful threads

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5108490-the-support-thread-for-anyone-trying-to-lead-an-alcohol-free-life?reply=136953940

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5081149-on-a-mission-to-moderate-or-absolutely-abstaining-new-thread-for-summer-2024

you are not alone 😊

If you're anything like me once you've had a couple of drinks you adopt the 'fuck it' mentality. You lose your inhibitions. You don't stop worrying or caring about making a fool of yourself. I did it so many times when I was younger and the hangxiety was the worst - wondering what I'd said to people, what I'd done, what people would think of me. I can control it a bit better now but every now and then I still take it too far.
My tips would be make sure you have a bottle of water and drink plenty of that in between drinks. Turn your phone off or put in on aeroplane mode so you can't access social media (one of my worst things was filming myself acting like a twat and then dying inside when I saw it on my story the next day). The only fool proof method for me is to say no - either don't go out or go out and stick to your resolve not to drink. You do lose control under the influence of booze so take control back before it even gets to that stage.

Fair play for recognising you need to. That takes a lot of insight and strength. I think you should look into getting help for it. The memory loss would be a concern for me that it's controlling you rather than you controlling it and a problem with alcohol doesn't always mean you are drinking everyday. It's your relationship with it not the amount per week.

You are worried about the social side. Just say you are keeping fit or be honest. There's no shame in it, there's probably more people giving up now anyway for lifestyle reasons. And again, well done. You can do this.

Thank you everyone.

I’ll have a look at those threads @TheBizzies.

@bojosquiff yes, that’s the exact mentality I have as soon as I have a drink. I think because I don’t drink regularly, I can’t hold my drink the way others do, so I find myself drinking at a pace that is not sustainable. Before I know it, I’m drunk, and then I just lose my inhibitions.

@Ella31 what sort of help would you suggest?

I love a drink but suffer horrendously the next day. I rarely drink now but when I do and I realise I'm about to take one too many, I consciously force myself to think about all the pain and suffering that will hit the next morning.
This is enough to make me stop or switch to water.
I also make myself eat as I know if I've eaten I won't want another one.
I find it works well as I enjoy a drink now without overdoing it

I get drunk easily so nowadays I don't drink or I just have one alcoholic drink and then switch to soft drinks.

If you have friends who think you are unsociable because you're not drinking alcohol, then can I suggest you find different friends?

I don't drink anymore. I like a nice alcohol free cider. It was easy once I had my son though, didn't want him to need me in the night and me have had a drink!

Sometimes I will have a disaronno and coke if I'm feeling fancy, but then switch to either pop or alcohol free.

Try not drinking for a month and see how that goes. It may be easier than drinking more water, or having one drink then switching to non alcoholic drinks. Good on you for recognising the problem. If people are surprised that you're not drinking, say you're driving, taking a break, trying to improve your health, or whatever works for the situation.

I went cold turkey for about a year. I find it much easier now to just have one drink and stop.

Can you find your limits? I can't drink wine by the bottle like my friends so tend to stick with cider when socialising, lower % and the fizz reduces the qty I drink.
At home I will have wine but know that 2 glasses are my limit, any more and it takes me out of chilled into drunk.

@LaWench if im being honest with myself, I don’t think I can find my limits. I’m mid 30’s so have drunk alcohol for half my life and still haven’t managed to find my limits. I just don’t think I am able to.

Why bother finding your limits. Alcohol impacts everything negatively - mental, emotional, physical. You wouldn't try and moderate any other kind of drug or poison. If you can stop, do. 12 months here op. It's been hard but it is do-able.

Amazing @Doginthehand! Well done.

Get a card like hyperjar and put x amount in your wallet. You can have more drinks if they are non alcoholic so you get a longer night or less drinks if they are alcoholic because they're more expensive. I'd also be tempted to goto an aa or similar meeting/therapy because even though you don't drink much usually, it's clear that you don't have the control mechanisms to limit yourself when you do which is harmful to your longterm health. Only you can have the control to say 'enough' if you really want to.

The only way with your type of relationship with alcohol is to cut it out completely. You have no off switch when you start, and I don't think there is a way round that, it's just how your brain responds. On the plus side, as a binge not habitual problem drinker, you are not physically dependent and you spend far more of your life without alcohol in it than with. So really you 'just' need to avoid it completely. For a while this might mean also avoiding trigger situations, parties, nights out etc. You should also tell everyone you can't drink anymore (make up a reasons such as medication if necessary). I'm sure that sounds like a depressing thought, but you will hopefully reach a point where spending three hours at a party sober rather than drunk is a small price to pay to avoid the misery, mishaps and damage drinking causes you. Good luck. There's so much more to life, I promise.

I'll be honest, it's very hard for those of us who can just stop to truly understand people who struggle to do so. My suggestion which I completely admit may not work is to deliberately alternate alcohol with water or a soft drink, also avoid rounds as they encourage "keeping up".

As I said, for me I can just stop, decide I fancy just tonic or whatever, very hard to put myself in your shoes but my friend alternates to cut down

I do this too. I set a limit of 2 doubles, have them first thing and then switch to non alcoholic for the rest of the night.

Having a rule really helps. It's hard the first few times but then it beds in as habit and the drunk devil on your shoulder slowly loses power.

I just stopped. I recognised and accepted in the end that I was bad at moderating so I decided to not even try and stopped drinking at all.

Life is easier, healthier but a little more boring if I’m honest as DH and friends still drink.

This is important. If the OP could adopt any of the reduction techniques suggested, she wouldn't have a problem. For her, alcohol sets off a powerful craving for more that is pretty much impossible to resist. She would start with good intentions but would quickly think 'what the hell..'. She could go out with limited funds but would find a way round it, accepting drinks from other people etc. I honestly believe the only way is none at all.

@5128gap You are totally right. None of those methods would work for me. I have tried countless things like that in the past but once I have alcohol, I just start to feel like none of that really matters and then I drink to excess.

So what if they think you're unsociable? Let them think it, better than suffering with black outs and anxiety. It's their problem if they can't imagine a fun evening without alcohol. Do what is best for you.
if you drank just 6 times a year, it shouldn't make a dent in your social life. Usually if you drank every week, or every day it would have percussions on social life in that you might lose some friendships that are built around alcohol. There are many other activities to socialise, catch up with friends and bond over than alcohol.

It sounds like you drank to cope with social anxiety or there are people there that trigger you. I would find psychological help for this. Maybe CBT might help.

Or maybe just don't go to triggering events or where you know people you dislike will be there. If it's important for you to attend then learn new coping skills than relying on alcohol in those events, like going with a friend, arriving early and leaving early, letting the host know you won't be staying long or make your own get together where you get to control whether alcohol is served at all and who attends.

Giving it up is the only answer. I got such bad headaches after only two drinks that just stopped a decade ago. (On the very odd occasion l drink just one drink) Maybe a couple of times a year.
There are fab non alcoholic cocktails, wines etc.
After a while you and all around you barely notice.
It is so nice to getup feeling fine after a big event or night out!

Read:
This Naked Mind
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober
The Sober Diaries

Listen to:
One for the Road podcast

Follow:
Andy Ramage on Instagram and any podcast episodes with him. The one he did on Feel Good Live More was the catalyst for me stopping drinking alcohol.

The thing is that our society is drenched in alcohol. In your mid 30s you have been exposed to decades of pro alcohol propaganda.
You don't need to drink, it's is neuro toxin. We put into our bodies and it travels through every organ and messes with our brains and all our internal chemistry. It affects all of us differently. I feel lucky I became allergic to it about a decade ago.
I appreciate you may not feel as I do. I listened to a lot of podcasts and read a lot of quit lit to reach this point. Also if I drank I became very ill so it was easier for me.
I do recommend a podcast called over the influence, its hosted by a BBC radio journalist called Sharon Hartley, she is very down to earth and to my southern ears has a fabulous accent I actively enjoy listening to.
Good luck OP alcohol free life is awesome.