AIBU to be crazy upset over this?

[hotcrossbun5]

My partner and I are moving out of our city. I said to him, “alright, go to the fridge and clean it out- except for the milk” he double checked before going down, and I said “yeah, everything”
however, I didn’t realise there was a whole freaking jar of chilli’s in there- a special kind I have only found in one shop, which is what we need for our favourite dish. You cannot sub these out - and these are very distinct.
anyway, I got pretty upset- I mean, common sense, no? Would you throw out a full jar of produce, without triple checking? I know I wouldn’t ? I cannot afford to replace them either - there is £30 left in my account until Friday and I have £50+ of outgoings in the next few days. I feel pathetic for being SO upset, but I won’t be able to cook my favourite dinner now, as we’re moving to a very rural area without a shop that sells them.
feel like crying

Yes I know the feeling - but he did what you asked him to do.

YABU. Cry over it in private if you want to but don’t make him feel bad for not ‘triple checking’. It wasn’t that important if you didn’t even remember they were in there.

But he followed your instructions? Double checked and everything.

I'm autistic and I would also be disproportionately upset about this, especially as I would already be dancing on pins about the move and all the disruption. It's not your dp's fault, it was just unfortunate - but YANBU to be crestfallen about it

If you didn't know they were there then I assume you wouldn't have been planning to cook that dish anyway.
Now unless you are moving to the Shetlands or somewhere I am sure you will be able to get some more (or similar) once you've settled in.

No one should need to triple check anything. This is on you.

We lived 1.5 yo at Shetland. I just ordered from Mainland.

Honestly, has the weather gone to everyone head? You will be able to order them on the internet or take a trip to get some when you are in a better position, financially.

Dont cook your favourite meal until then. You forgot you had them so you were planning on using them soon.

You said what you wanted him to do. He did as you asked.

Should you have not triple checked there was nothing else in the fridge you wanted?

You said 'everything' and he did what you said. You'd probably be moaning if he kept coming to you with full/nearly full jars saying 'are you sure you want to bin this?'

It's a jar. Can't you just fish it out of the bin? I would unless it was in with a load of rotten produce or something.

I think, op, that maybe the stress of the move may be clouding your judgement somewhat.

I hope the move goes smoothly.

What kind of chilli's? And what is the dish?

Is it gone gone? As in taken away by bin men, or in the outside bin? Is it too late to retrieve them? Or did he chuck them out the jar?

However, you did tell him to throw away everything and he clarified this with you. So if you didn't remember they were there at the time, then it's on you.

If they are that special to you and you won't be able to get them easily again, I would find the money to buy another jar if I could.

It’s a shame you’re disappointed especially if you were looking forward to your favourite meal but if I was your partner I would be irritated by your reaction. He is likely to have a lot on his plate with the move too and probably just wanted to get on with the job you’d asked him to do - chances are he just swept it all into the bin and didn’t give it much thought because you’d said everything but the milk!

It drives me bonkers when I feel I have to double/triple check things - it’s on you, you should have checked the fridge yourself if there was potential for such upset!

My partner is a (neurotypical) tech geek and he would do exactly the same as yours, because he follows instructions to the letter. He would then also be surprised you were unhappy that he'd done exactly what you asked, because why did you ask for it if you didn't want it.

You kind of need a better AI prompt to add exceptions to your instructions 😂

Yeah, I would throw a full jar of produce without triple-checking if I already double-checked. I probably have tins in my cupboard dating back to 2018. Don't we all?
You can easily order things online. It's not like he threw away your engagement ring.

This is a joke, right??

When was the last time you cooked your favourite dish to not know there was a jar of expensive chillies still in the fridge?

You talk about "common sense", but surely common sense would be not to ask your BF to empty the fridge, and then to repeat the instruction when he double-checked, when you had something special in the fridge that you wanted to keep?

Or is his apparent lack of common sense somehow worse than yours?

To reference I’m not actually upset with him- he knows up not upset with him, but the stress of moving out is tipping me over the edge

i should add I’m frenzied packing while he is sitting there waiting for the next instruction- which is kind of frustrating! But I didn’t actually know what was in the fridge, for reference, as I’ve been working a lot and living off of freezer food

This reminds me of when my son was two and I told him to put the new toilet rolls in the toilet. He did as he was told.

YABU but I say that as gently as possible because moving is horribly stressful and it's the little things that tip you over the edge.

Can the chillis be retrieved from the bin bag? If they are in a jar they'll be fine (just give it a quick clean).

If they can't then can you order some replacements online when you next get paid? Or is there a friend or family member who will still be local to your old area, who could get some for you?

Good luck with the move. Try not to let the small stuff break you - it will be worth it when you're in!

Yes, the stress of moving IS tipping you over the edge. I don't mean this to sound harsh, but you really do need to take a few deep breaths, calm down and stop worrying about a jar of chillis. Seriously. You're only making yourself more stressed, and you've lost all sense of proportion. They are chillis, that's all. You don't need to eat your favourite meal every night. Focus on getting moved, forget about the chillis, and then once you're settled in your new home you can find a supplier to get some more.

This is ridiculous. YOU said throw everything out. YOU forgot the chillies were there. It’s entirely your mistake and you’re determined to blame him.

But I didn’t actually know what was in the fridge

So how do you know he threw them out?