Anyone else feel like they’ve let their DC down bringing them up in this world?

[ftmtoson]

Just want to know if anyone feels similar. It’s putting me off having another DC but I’m not sure if it’s me being ridiculous or valid.

Before anyone comments this, yes I am aware bad things happened before I had a DC. I don’t think my eyes were truly open to how much anxiety it would give me until I had a child myself.

Just horrified after hearing how many children are being killed all around the world, little girls at a dance party dying and at nurseries / schools. The world just seems so nasty for SO many reasons.

I don’t regret my DS, that’s not what I’m saying. I love him so much that I feel guilty for bringing him up in this crazy world. Anyone else?

hell no i don’t!

No because every generation before and after hopefully does not waste their children's lives but overthinking

No. How do you think people felt when their kids went to work at 6? If they lived that long.

This is quite a bold comment. You think I’m going to waste the whole of my child’s life by over thinking just for making a quick mumsnet post on how crap the world is?

I mean this kindly, OP, but do you need some help with your mental health?

What happened in Southport yesterday was devastating, and it's very natural to feel upset by it, but I don't think the world as a whole is necessarily any worse than it has been at numerous other points throughout history.

There is no need for you to feel guilty about your ds. He probably lives in a far better and more stable environment than many, many other children on this planet.

well if you’re going to mope around about the world they live in… possibly

look, i can’t relate to this because i see so much joy and positivity in my children’s lives

It's not something I think about at all tbh. The world is a safer place today than it has ever been. In fact many people, perhaps you too, are overly anxious and restrict their children's lives due to over cautious parenting.

I have cousins who haven't had children due to environmental/population concerns. That is slightly different I think to what you are concerned about??

Thanks everyone for your replies

Just to make it clear I don’t restrict my child’s life or am an anxious parent.

I think the comments were what I needed to give my head a wobble 😊

I know exactly where you're coming from OP.
I have these thoughts for my Grandchildren..( even my adult daughters sometimes) it's a mothers instinct to protect our children.
I have just been talking about this to my psychotherapist yesterday .
But it's absolutely normal to think like this.
Not regretting having them
.. but scared for them.

Never have done and never will.

Thanks for understanding. I think some of the commenters assumed I meant I keep my child locked away in bubble wrap, I more meant every few weeks / month or so I get the pang of “god the world can be cruel I hope my DS will be okay and live a long happy life”

No, but I am very aware that I could think that way and have done so when there is an appalling safeguarding or other tragedy in the news, particularly affecting young children. It is a kind of dreadful helplessness.

What makes a difference to me is that I work with schools and teachers and social workers in traditionally deprived communities. Every day I see good people giving something of themselves to protect and serve others, including managing child protection. It is hard often mentally destructive work, but makes me optimistic that as long as people do or experience terrible things, there is another more optimistic side to the human experience, and which outnumbers the bad by many thousands to one.

Yes I do OP.

Of course I wouldn't now change having my kids as I know them and love them, but I do now regret having them. The world is in a bad place, gearing up for war and confrontation and people are pretending nothing has changed. It has massively, socially and otherwise. I'm old enough to remember. The difference is we know better and aren't doing better. I actually find myself thinking the childless by choice have their heads screwed on right. I wish I could have ignored the biological drive. Less worry, only concerned about oneself.

It ranges from simple things - how can my children afford a basic home, to the high stabbing rate just locally, to our dangerous foreign policy to environmental concerns.

Things are going to get worse unfortunately.

Thank you so much for this. I know life can be beautiful too x

If you live somewhere like Gaza then yanbu but if you live in the UK. Horrible incidents like Stockport are very unusual and thanks to the Internet we hear about these unusual incidents more and your longer.

Our children are among the safest in the world (even with creaking public services), what an incredible time to be alive this is! So much to learn and explore!

What's changed is our ability to know so much, so quickly, about atrocities and to see pictures unfolding in real time. I don't think our brains have yet adapted to cope with that.

The real dangers are the basic ones: the people we bring into our children's lives pose the greatest risk and then there are the lifestyle factors of not being always easily able to prioritise play, adventure and sport, healthy food and deep social ties. Loneliness, heart disease and inactivity are the biggest long term risks to any of us.

Yes I do, often. I think it's fairly normal to think this because we just want them to be safe and happy. When I think this, I think well I don't wish I wasn't here so hopefully they won't either. I teach them to be grateful in all situations and to look for the good,.and be a person that always helps others x

I feel like this a lot. What happened yesterday is unbearable. But there's so many posters saying how rare it is, how the UK is safe. Nobody seems to be aware of the geopolitical situation now and the very real possibility of wider war in Europe and/or related terror incidents. When I think of my children and the future this is what I worry about most.

Well it's not like I could have chosen to bring them up in a different world, so no! 🤷‍♀️
Terrible things happen all of the time but I would rather take my chances now than try and bring a family up with no hot water, an outside toilet and human waste being dumped onto the street!
We have cures for many awful illnesses and treatments for many more. We mostly live in clean sanitary conditions with heating and hot water, we have access to a vast array of foods, entertainment and comforts unimaginable 100 years ago.
Quite glad to be bringing my family up now to be honest.

Bad things always happened it's just we're exposed to it all now with the Internet and social media. I avoid the news now and haven't been on social media in years. My mental health is much better because of it. I don't need to know all the bad that goes on in the world.

I know what you mean and I felt sad this morning taking my daughter to holiday club. But I can’t let anxiety control the console (we just watched inside out 2 yesterday!)

Strange view.

Kids have never had it so good in the western world anyway.

Not as if they barely survive infancy anymore due to disease and lack of medical care.

I only once had a 'what the hell have I done?' moment, when son was 2months old and 9/11 happened.

My parents lived through a world war, and my grandparents lived through two. The world seems a lot safer to me than theirs was.

I think if you already have a child that worrying about this stuff in the context of possibly having another is probably a bit pointless, but if I had my time again I would definitely remain child-free. I had my first child in the late 90s, at a time when the world was opening up, borders were coming down, and it felt like a time of unprecedented peace, prosperity and opportunity.

The world they're inheriting now seems like a different place entirely. They're under an insane amount of pressure at school/college/work (not from me but just from the system they're travelling through), their opportunities to work/earn/travel/live independently are greatly curtailed compared with even a generation earlier, the internet has brought a tide of weirdness and unpleasantness into their life at a young age, social media amplifies all of that as well as creating a mental health pressure cooker, everything is monetised, public and political life is polarised and toxified, the poverty gap is widening both locally and globally, capitalism has failed and left degraded communities in its wake, we're on the brink of world war. Oh, and the ecosystem is on the brink of collapse and it's the upcoming generation's foremost job to save itself from extinction. The idea that the world has never been so safe seems bizarre to me, unless all you're thinking about is vagabonds and cutpurses or a tiny enclave in the home counties.

Yes, life can be beautiful and rich, but modern life is so toxic that even the relatively well insulated are becoming ill from it all. So I would not have had children if I'd seen the worrying character of the C21 coming. Just getting through it intact myself would have seemed enough of a challenge. I don't feel guilty though. I could only make decisions based on the information I had at the time, and you can only do the same.