Anyone else feel like they’ve let their DC down bringing them up in this world?

[ftmtoson]

Just want to know if anyone feels similar. It’s putting me off having another DC but I’m not sure if it’s me being ridiculous or valid.

Before anyone comments this, yes I am aware bad things happened before I had a DC. I don’t think my eyes were truly open to how much anxiety it would give me until I had a child myself.

Just horrified after hearing how many children are being killed all around the world, little girls at a dance party dying and at nurseries / schools. The world just seems so nasty for SO many reasons.

I don’t regret my DS, that’s not what I’m saying. I love him so much that I feel guilty for bringing him up in this crazy world. Anyone else?

Respectfully, I think it's time to turn off the news if you think the world is awful and you sort of think people shouldn't have kids because of things that aren't affecting you personally. You can separate the two - you can have a wonderful life while also appreciating that awful things happen. The two don't need to over lap.

Events like the tragedy in Southport are so terrible and I cannot imagine what it must be like for the affected families. However I feel a huge optimism for my dc and have always been so glad not to have had them in another time. They are happy and I’m excited about their future.
For example- Ds has dyslexia and gets help at school , this didn’t happen in the past. . If dc grow up to be gay they will not face the horrible discrimination and bullying that was prevalent in my school friends lives.
If they ever face mental health conditions, there is help available without stigma.
Today is an amazing time to be around, obviously there are still problems here and around the world but it’s been so much worse in the past.

Nope. I am shocked and saddened by the events in Southport but life is full of risk and is still worth living. I have been through a period of thinking as you are describing and my mental health was on the floor at the time and I needed some time to reflect on and re-evaluate how I was living my life and my entire approach to risk.

No, I think you need to think sensibly, The UK in the 21st century is probably the safest, easiest life that children have ever had.

I grew up in the 1970s with 3 day week, power cuts, very little money, no central heating - and frankly adults were generally unkind to you. Teachers were sharp, sarcastic - dinner ladies told you to 'stop being a baby' if you fell and cut your knees, parents told us 'it's not all about you' etc. No one worried about our egos or our emotions. Creepy paedo types/gropey men were familiar through my childhood and teens and any complaint was dismissed with 'just avoid them' or 'oh yes, Jeff's always been a bit touchy feely'.

My parents were children during WW2, so life was even shittier. My dad lost 2 little sisters to childhood diseases. His oldest brother was killed in the war. They had friends who were Jewish who came over on the Kindertransport - and lost every single one of their family in a concentration camp.

My grandparents lived through WW1 - and both my grandfathers survived the trenches. One Gma's dad was killed when she was 7 and her mother struggled massively financially. She also had her only brother die of meningitis. My other Gma's mother died (along with the baby) following childbirth when Gma was 5. She was brought up by her oldest sister, who was about 14 and had just left school.

Life now is better for your children than it was at any time in the past.

No I fight against this line of thought, it's not a good place to be. Atrocities are highlighted now more than ever by social media, but the vast vast majority of people are fundamentally decent and we need to cling on to that.

No. In pretty much all ways, the world is a much safer place to be than it was in the past, especially for children. The reason there's so much anxiety about dangers now is that a) we have 24/7 media coverage (which does not focus on the positives!) and b) we are in the habit of expecting to be able to protect our children from everything.

You obviously haven’t been educated on our human history. Only in the last hundred years or so that most peoples lives are no longer “nasty brutal and short”.

I get it OP. I don't think I really thought about it all that much. I hate the world they're growing up in

I think how you feel is totally valid. There are lots of things to feel scared of, but with so many media outlets fighting for space, the need to be sensationalist is strong, and social media can be a horrible black hole sometimes. And when you have something precious in your life, you see the danger because your role, biologically and emotionally, is to protect.

But, if you look you'll also see a lot of things to be joyful about. Good people doing good things, in every horror story you read about the heroes, about anonymous people raising thousands to help people in need, the beauty of nature etc. We don't hear about the good stories as much, as they're not as interesting! There have been horrendous things happen throughout history but things renew and grow again, I guess you have to trust the circle of life!

Whilst your fears are valid, no good can come out of dwelling on them, and whilst valid they're not based entirely on rationale, but on love and protection. Just pull your socks up and try and focus on what you can control, giving your kid(s) a loving home, the best chances in life and as much hope for the future as you can muster!

Not so far, no

However, we do live abroad where things do feel safer.

One of mine is autistic and I don't know if he's going to be able to be self caring and hold down a job. He's an adult, but I still have to prompt him to eat, and I often have to make the actual food. He's been bullied and rejected plenty of times. The world is harsh and neurotypical people find it hard enough, God knows how ds will cope. I won't be alive forever. I'm tormented with guilt over choosing to have him. If your kid isn't disabled at least they have a fighting chance.

No. The world isn't all bad.

good on you op

get the sprinkler!

'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'

It was Southport, not Stockport. At least have enough respect for the victims to get the name of the town correct

Not for a moment. I have three adult children who all in their way make the world a better place by the jobs that they do, the lives they touch and the happiness they bring to others. Their childhoods weren't perfect and their adult lives will bring challenges but they are happy and love life. You have no idea what your DC will do in this world or what joy lies ahead for them. Be hopeful for them and glad you gave them the opportunity to experience life.