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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want the neighbours kids to stay out of my garden

42 replies

Alicew00 · 29/07/2024 13:33

My daughter got scared because the neighbours son just climbs the fence and hits his balls at the back door while she playing inside and he looks inside when she's gone to bed.
The other week he came into our garden and broke my garden lights. There was glass everywhere and his parents apologised and made him apologize. Although he just stood there shy so I said I forgive you. I let them both play in the garden afterwards and I kept sure I stayed outside the full time instead of being inside cleaning up washing etc but then he starts calling her names and saying he'll get the dog on to her just because she doesn't feel like playing sometimes. ...but today my daughter wanted to play on her own after being away with her dad and after been in the pool she came in after chatting with them over the fence for a while. Then she got a bit scared and said what is he doing in our garden. I politely asked him to go back in his garden.
He went into his garden and sulked. Am I being unreasonable?
They're constantly in our garden and it's hard to get rid unless they get called in to bed.

OP posts:
Sunnydiary · 29/07/2024 13:35

Big fences = good neighbours.

How is he getting in?

Yousaidwhatagain · 29/07/2024 13:35

You are giving mixed messages to the child.

Alicew00 · 29/07/2024 13:36

Were getting a new fence.

OP posts:
Harvestfestivalknickers · 29/07/2024 13:37

Yep, stop the mixed messages. Stop him coming in to play, ask his parents to keep him in their garden.

HangingOnJustAbout · 29/07/2024 13:39

Much more secure fence needed.

New rule that if he's coming over to play (assuming your DD does want to play with him) he is let in via the front door/gate.

MotherWol · 29/07/2024 13:40

You need to be a lot clearer with both the child and his parents: I don't want you coming in our garden uninvited again, and if I find you've climbed in I will call the police. It's trespass, and it's upsetting my daughter.

Bellaboo01 · 29/07/2024 13:40

Knock on the door and tell the parents that their child can't just come in your garden unless he is invited by your daughter - soooooooooo simple.

Yummymummy2020 · 29/07/2024 13:41

Yeah I agree with the above. He is bothering you and your child and it’s your home so you shouldn’t have to deal with it. If you don’t want to get rid altogether, tell his mother he is to knock at the front door only and no coming in from the back. You can decide then if you want him in.

coconutpie · 29/07/2024 13:54

How old is the neighbour's child? He threatened your child that he'd get the dog onto her because she didn't want to play? WTF? That would be the LAST time my DC would be allowed play with a child who threatened them. Do not allow him into your garden. Call over and tell neighbour he is not allowed in. Get a new fence installed ASAP. You need to protect and advocate for your DD here. What kind of a message are you sending her by letting this kid in your garden who is scaring her?

Alicew00 · 29/07/2024 13:55

Yes exactly. That's why I sent him away.
I won't be allowing it anymore.

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 29/07/2024 13:55

He’s coming into the garden because you repeatedly let him.

Yousaidwhatagain · 29/07/2024 13:56

coconutpie · 29/07/2024 13:54

How old is the neighbour's child? He threatened your child that he'd get the dog onto her because she didn't want to play? WTF? That would be the LAST time my DC would be allowed play with a child who threatened them. Do not allow him into your garden. Call over and tell neighbour he is not allowed in. Get a new fence installed ASAP. You need to protect and advocate for your DD here. What kind of a message are you sending her by letting this kid in your garden who is scaring her?

Exactly, mind boggling why you allowed him back??

AlanBrendaCelia · 29/07/2024 13:57

You might want to plant some pyracantha next to your new fence.

KatieCrusoe · 29/07/2024 13:58

Enough with politeness. Just tell his parents he's not welcome.

Noshowlomo · 29/07/2024 14:06

Yeah just a frank conversation to his parents. I do get it’s hard when you want to keep the peace but you do need to stick up for your daughter.
My neighbour sits on our wall, talks LOUDLY when his grandkids are over so my son hears and wants to play with them and somehow they always have to play in our house. It bugs the shit out of me. And the girl climbs over the back wall which is soon gonna be a fence.
My son loves playing with one of the kids but the other one is non verbal and screams constantly and he can’t handle that. Neither are malicious or nasty but sometimes I just want to say feck off and look after your grandchildren in your own house.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2024 14:09

Tell the parents their kids are no longer welcome on your property. Ever. Your poor daughter. Protect her, FGS.

xsquared · 29/07/2024 14:10

How old is this child? He broke your garden lights, so I would have accepted his apology and then told him he was not to comenonto any part of your house uninvited anymore.

In fact, he sounds really creepy amd intrusive with all this looking inside when your dd has gone to bed.

Have a word with their parents to let them know that he is not to set foot in your garden under any circumstances and that they respect your and your dd's privacy.

TeaGinandFags · 29/07/2024 14:12

AlanBrendaCelia · 29/07/2024 13:57

You might want to plant some pyracantha next to your new fence.

Noooooo!

Roses. Blackberries. Blackthorn. Holly ...

Something smelly or productive or both.

If your garden is big enough, dig a pond and get geese. He may come over again, but not twice.

sanogo · 29/07/2024 14:14

Our fence is 6.6' = bliss

sueelleker · 29/07/2024 14:15

AlanBrendaCelia · 29/07/2024 13:57

You might want to plant some pyracantha next to your new fence.

Or put cat spikes along the top.

FictionalCharacter · 29/07/2024 14:21

Letting him back in your garden when he’d just caused damage was unwise.
You’re being far too soft. Don’t allow him in again, throw him out immediately if he climbs over again, and tell the parents they need to put a stop to this.
He scares your daughter, spies on her, threatens her and calls her names. That’s more than enough reason to keep him out permanently and assertively.

LookItsMeAgain · 29/07/2024 14:22

You need to tell your neighbours that their son is not allowed to come into your garden unless you allow him in - and that is by him knocking politely at the front door and asking. He's not allowed to hop over any fence (old or new). This includes if he accidentally throws a ball over the new fence. He must knock and ask for it back.
It's all about boundaries.
He must also be told that he isn't allowed to hop over the fence any more. He must be told that he is to knock to ask for balls back. As for hitting his balls at your back door, I'm guessing you meant footballs or tennis balls because if it's anything else, you have a much bigger and different problem!
You don't want to fall out over this because you all just want to get along but you cannot have your privacy and back garden encroached on.

ItsVeryHyacinthBucket · 29/07/2024 14:37

MotherWol · 29/07/2024 13:40

You need to be a lot clearer with both the child and his parents: I don't want you coming in our garden uninvited again, and if I find you've climbed in I will call the police. It's trespass, and it's upsetting my daughter.

You'd really go from a standing start to this? Seems a bit strong!

'Hey [child], remember this is our garden, not yours okay? You need to ask before you come round.'

GrumpyPanda · 29/07/2024 14:39

Did you at least make him collect the glass shards?

LBFseBrom · 29/07/2024 14:45

Sunnydiary · 29/07/2024 13:35

Big fences = good neighbours.

How is he getting in?

Yes. Better still a high wall.