Divorce over workwear in bed

[grisen]

Lighthearted obviously but…

tonight after a short day at work my husband decided to get into bed, that I just washed yesterday, in his work clothes. To make this worse he’s a chef and we argue about this nearly everyday.

AIBU to divorce him over this?
outside of this he is usually okay, but he grew up in a very dirty home.

I was just thinking this actually. Whites have never left the building (unless laundry has been outsourced) anywhere that I've worked with a kitchen.

Does the man not own pyjamas?

Even if they were clean, unacceptable.

It turns out people here are dirtier than in many countries. My Nigerian friend says it is disgusting to proceed further than the threshold in outdoor shoes. My husband regularly does. She is an infectious diseases doctor and I love her and now see hygiene through her eyes. In the UK people do not wash hands before a meal in a restaurant or at a reception. This is unthinkable in many countries. And I was upset when my American friend said, 'oh, no, I want to marry a CLEAN American boy' and added she had serious doubts about our hygiene. We make nothing of close carpeting for example, and the sort of thing that gets underneath it and is never retrieved makes anyone hygiene-conscious shudder. We do not wear fashion gloves when on public transport, hold rails and then sit down in a cafe for a sandwich, not washing them. I was castigated by my former sister-in-law from Bulgaria for not ironing bed linen. I think you can train him. My friends (and they don't live in the same household) trained me to wear fashion gloves, wash hands before every meal, even in a restaurant where everybody waits whilst I go to the lavatory, they trained me to iron linen, remove shoes the moment I cross the threshold. etc. Train him.

As anyone who has experienced the joy of working in hospitality will know chefs get pretty warm and sweaty in the kitchen so it's really not pleasant to do this!
They will have been wearing them for at least 12 hours in a ridiculously hot environment and need a shower and fresh clothes before bed.
However, if you know how hard chefs work and the long days they put in I can imagine he is ready to fall into bed and sleep the moment he gets home.
Idk the answer but I would never marry a chef!

Oh dear that was clearly a jokey post you replied to!!

Cant you read it?

Jesus, thats grim. My 17 year old works part time in a burger place and he literally races up the stairs to get out of his work clothes and into the shower and apologises for the smell in the car. And he is a not particularly fastidious teenager. Who doesn't share s bed or room with anyone I might add.

You're not bright are you?

In fairness builders cost quite a lot regarding digging up patios

That's why it's always better to plant a small garden with endangered plants so they cannot be dug up.
There used to be a saying about this: "Bloom where you are planted".

To the pearl clutchers: You are allowed to not take everything so seriously. Seriously, you don't!

Not to mention the rat!

DavidBeckhamsrightfoot
YABU.
Divorce costs you!
Get hints good life insurance and become the grieving widow!

Jeez calm down, she already made it clear she was being light hearted about divorcing.

Fairly certain David was not actually suggesting she murder him...

I totally get this. Their clothes stink, the smell is ingrained in their uniform and even after washing they don’t smell fresh. I wont allow them to go in the laundry basket as they make all the other clothes smell and if they go into the same wash everything smells.

Maybe don’t divorce him, I mean, they do cook for us 😂 but get him told!

Have you tried a lighthearted but basically serious conversation ... I love you dearly but etc.?

One of my sons is a messy pig. I lay odds his wife will divorce hime one day,

In the UK people do not wash hands before a meal in a restaurant or at a reception.

I’m not in the UK, is this true for most? 🤢

Absolutely. LTB.

ugghh disgusting. I get how tired he must be (retired, very large restaurant owner that is a red seal chef and worked kitchens for years, it is bloody hot and exhausting) BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... grease from over the grill, over the fryers, just the kitchen!! nope . I always came home.. clothes into my work hamper, shower, fresh pjs on before I ever entered my bedroom. Just like my husband...worked in machines all day. He also showered when he got home and changed. We were lucky because our bathroom and bedroom had a walk in closet between them so we could put our dirty stuff in our hampers and grab clean clothes without entering bedroom. Nothing worse that your bedroom smelling like cooking grease and scents and also machine grease. Uggh. tell him to shower and change or sleep in another room (or house hahahaha)

We don't even sit on a chair in work wear .....never mind a bed
Disgusting

yes. I agree! we even had designated laundry hampers for work clothes only as the smell does get into other clothes if you mix. uggh. I would not get into bed with my husband after he had worked 12 hours in a factory inside machines. He would not get in bed with me after 12 hours in a hot sweaty kitchen. @grisen make HIM do the laundry and wash the sheets EVERY time he does this. That will stop him

LTB!! I had an ex who wouldn’t allow clothes that had been outside the house on top of the bed let alone in it - possibly the only thing we ever agreed on!

Compromise. Strip off outer wear and sleep in underwear.

Hygiene is important and respecting you JUST washed the sheets would be nice.
Divorce. Maybe not?

what about you throw another sheet on top or have two separate beds or sleep not on the same sheet or…I am not sure what else I can find but maybe you tried it all and it aren’t working?
maybe you have a nice sofa for him? With a sheet on obviously?

I would suggest you back out of that argument because it is spiraling when it isn’t necessary. If you love the man. Try something that can work for you and make him understand that it is the new norm.

good luck 🌺

@grisen is your username what you think of your dh right now? 😅

As a chef myself - ew he's nasty 🤣

It doesn’t bother me about wearing day clothes in bed but I just don’t know how anyone does it! Especially in this heat!

Surely even if you are exhausted you would still take off your trousers and top for comfort.