Friend and Benefits

[Azure6]

Bit of back story- childhood best friend doesn’t work at present. She has a son who has autism and no contact with her son’s father. She has little support with childcare. I do understand that it would be extremely difficult for her to work as his needs are very complex and while he goes to school, she would struggle to cover things like school hols, sick days etc.

She has recently started to mention wanting more benefits. She is in receipt of various benefits to support her with housing etc and also received child maintenance for her son. She is seeking to receive adult disability payment. The thing is- she does not have a disability. She has approached me asking for advice on how to get a diagnosis of depression (I’m a nurse) and I obviously told her I couldn’t help her with that. She has since then put in a claim for fibromyalgia. Her claim wasn’t approved as she doesn’t have this diagnosis and her GP couldn’t provide supporting information. However, she put in an appeal and listed me as being able to support her claim. She did not tell me about this and I didn’t know until I received a letter asking to provide information.

Im so annoyed. I received the letter yesterday but haven’t spoken to her yet. I obviously can’t provide supporting information as she is not unwell. I find it difficult enough listening to her going on about wanting more money (she is not struggling financially) but I’m always just polite and don’t say much about it. But I feel this is taking the P a bit.

how do I approach it?

Op your friend is being extremely cheeky and trying to defraud the benefits system. I would avoid at all costs. Can you refuse to be her witness??

You tell her that you haven't treated her professionally, so could only report what she has told you and not as a medical fact. You are a member of a professional body with professional standards and no-one should expect you to risk your reputation.

She seems to have listed me as a personal reference rather than in a professional capacity. However, I feel I still can’t provide any supporting evidence since there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. I don’t want to lose 30 years of friendship but I still feel it’s been so rude of her.

I'm not sure why you don't know how to approach it?

Obviously you just tell her you're not going to risk your job by telling lies.

Yes I think I can refuse to provide evidence. I’m going to phone the assessment place on Monday I think and say I don’t feel I can provide any evidence.

Surely you can just say to her, I don't mind helping you out with this and that, but I'm not gonna lie and say that you've got this illness which you haven't got.

seems very simple to me

I would send it back saying that you can't support her claim as you don't see her in a professional setting at all. I wouldn't mention it to her, and leave her to come to you about it (if she does).

You suggesting she isn't struggling financially when on disability benefits and also getting fuck all help from anyone else is pretty unsympathetic though. She clearly is struggling.

Maybe best to back away from this 'friendship' entirely.

I would tell her that you appreciate she has added you in a personal capacity but that inevitably you would end up talking about her "condition" which would put your registration at risk.

Siri what I meant to say was surely you can say to her I would never ever help someone to defraud the benefits system because it's just not morally right to take benefits which you're not entitled to

Keep any correspondence with her and the DWP purely factual - that you know her only as a friend and don't have any evidence of her disability.

If she has been asked to look for work, she needs to apply for the carer element of universal credit, which she should get if her son's needs are complex. This will remove the requirement to work.

@Azure6 good luck x

She genuinely does not struggle money wise. She goes several holidays per year, days out etc. She has support with childcare and her family babysit and help with her son- but could not commit to every summer holiday etc to let her work as they work shifts. I’m sympathetic to her situation in terms of being a single parent to an ASN child but in terms of support and finances she is alright- by her own admission she just would like extra money.

She receives carers allowance im sure. Nobody has requested that she works- she just wants to maximise how much she receives.

She shouldn’t have asked you but OP your friend is a single mother to an autistic child. You don’t seem to have a great deal of empathy. She’s talking to you openly, thinking that you’re a good friend and you’re judging her. Give the poor woman a break and stop pretending to be her friend.

Also, I imagine that anyone in your friend’s situation would have depression….it would be rather off of they didn’t!

So just call and see what questions they ask, and answer them honestly.

They're not asking you for a dx, or a professional opinion and you do not have to lie.

I think you need to be very clear with both your friend and anyone you receive a letter from asking for “evidence” that you do not have a therapeutic relationship with this person or potentially risk being deregistered. This has nothing to do with lacking empathy as PP said above, but needing to protect livelihood and income as well as establish a professional boundary with friend who really over-stepped.

Except the friend isn't claiming for depression, she's claiming for fibro. And honestly, if someone expected me to put my career on the line to help them commit fraud then I wouldn't have a great deal of empathy. This woman is not acting like a friend to the OP.

Maybe tell you that you don't want to mix personal with work so can't be a reference in any capacity.

But she has no problem risking 30 years of friendship by putting you in this position.

Some friendships are not meant to last forever. People change over the years. I'd be seriously reconsidering this friendship.

Things don’t really add up here.

I work in this area and I’m sceptical about this post, as this just isn’t how the system works.

On the off chance that this is real, just don’t respond. It’s rare for the DWP to contact healthcare professionals listed on the form. It’s unheard of for them to contact anyone listed ‘in a personal capacity’ (they discount this evidence as it’s not objective) and on the rare occasion when they do contact, the HCPs often don’t respond. They won’t chase for a response.

WTF is this supposed to mean!?

I am a single mother with a severely autistic child and I don't have depression. Does that mean I'm abit "off'. Seriously what are you going on about? Your comment is so offensive!

She’s not arsed about your friendship when she is willing to risk your professional registration and livelihood!!

She’s using your respected nurse title to gain her sympathy/credit.

She’s not a freind.

I am very sympathetic to her situation- we have 2 asn children ourselves and I can’t imagine doing it alone. However- she was asking me specifically to help her present as being depressed to aid a benefits claim. She has since then decided to go with fibromyalgia. If she genuinely had depression, I would be helping her seek support.

It’s very much real.