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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend and Benefits

28 replies

Azure6 · 28/07/2024 23:42

Bit of back story- childhood best friend doesn’t work at present. She has a son who has autism and no contact with her son’s father. She has little support with childcare. I do understand that it would be extremely difficult for her to work as his needs are very complex and while he goes to school, she would struggle to cover things like school hols, sick days etc.

She has recently started to mention wanting more benefits. She is in receipt of various benefits to support her with housing etc and also received child maintenance for her son. She is seeking to receive adult disability payment. The thing is- she does not have a disability. She has approached me asking for advice on how to get a diagnosis of depression (I’m a nurse) and I obviously told her I couldn’t help her with that. She has since then put in a claim for fibromyalgia. Her claim wasn’t approved as she doesn’t have this diagnosis and her GP couldn’t provide supporting information. However, she put in an appeal and listed me as being able to support her claim. She did not tell me about this and I didn’t know until I received a letter asking to provide information.

Im so annoyed. I received the letter yesterday but haven’t spoken to her yet. I obviously can’t provide supporting information as she is not unwell. I find it difficult enough listening to her going on about wanting more money (she is not struggling financially) but I’m always just polite and don’t say much about it. But I feel this is taking the P a bit.

how do I approach it?

OP posts:
Azure6 · 29/07/2024 02:24

WaitingForMojo · 29/07/2024 00:35

Things don’t really add up here.

I work in this area and I’m sceptical about this post, as this just isn’t how the system works.

She has put in a claim for adult disability payment. She has provided details of her GP etc but that has been insufficient for her claim. Presumably because she doesn’t have the illness which she states she does. She then also gave my details as someone who could support her claim. In a personal capacity, not professional.

OP posts:
Azure6 · 29/07/2024 02:25

WiddlinDiddlin · 29/07/2024 00:11

So just call and see what questions they ask, and answer them honestly.

They're not asking you for a dx, or a professional opinion and you do not have to lie.

From what I can tell, I’ve to describe how her illness affects her day to day, as someone who knows her well.

OP posts:
Azure6 · 29/07/2024 02:29

Thanks all. I’m going to speak with her tomorrow. To clarify- she has been very upfront with me about the fact she is putting in a false claim. She initially asked me about depression as she thought it would be an easier option than something physical to be diagnosed with. She wasn’t asking for my advice on how to get support- she was asking what she should say to her GP to and up with a diagnosis. She then has made several appointments voicing that she has fibromyalgia symptoms- she has told me herself that she looked into this so she would know what to say. The GP has not diagnosed her with this and, from what I can tell, isn’t able to provide supporting evidence due to this.
She did tell me she could use personal contacts to support her claim and she was planning to do so- but throughout the conversation she never once asked if she could give my details.

on reflection- I should have probably said then that I wouldn’t be able to do this for her.
I plan on having a chat with her tomorrow about it.

OP posts:
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