The standards of being nice is commonly lower between siblings

[NoOtter]

I have noticed that a lot of things that are borderline mean is considered okay to say or do to siblings while it is not considered appropriate to do to anyone else. Have any of you noticed this or is it just me? Can anyone explain this weird phenomenon?

For example it is considered normal for a dc to call her sibling greedy when she gets extra food while if said dc said the same thing in a similar situation to a friend, the dc would likely get told off.

Personally I don't think it's closeness as siblings are not always close but yet the standards of politeness is still different. In fact sometimes it can be considered bullying if done to anyone else.

It is not a weird phenomenon. Boundaries between family are far more relaxed as bonds are through blood and therefore (most of the time) stronger.

The thing is, I can also see this in siblings that are not close.

If I hear either of my twins being mean to the other, I step in only if they're not able to resolve it themselves.

Did you nab the biggest chicken portion for yourself 😉

Would you consider them being mean to each other more okay then if they are being mean to someone else lets say a friend?

How does it need explaining?

You don't choose your siblings, you may even hate your siblings.

You do choose your friends and you tend not to hate them.

Or have I misunderstood and you're asking something else?

It's considered quite normal here to treat your family badly and expect to be forgiven because "blood is thicker than water" etc. My partner's brother is awful and would never treat his friends the way he treats his brother.

I try to impress on my children it should be the other way round - family should be treated well and respected. Doesn't work though, familiarity breeds contempt and all that.

I am asking why it is considered more okay to be mean to your siblings compared to anyone else?

I agree with you. Is there any way to break this cycle as the one that is treated badly?

bump I am curious

its not ok.. allowing siblings to be mean to one another just breeds issues later in life.

nip it in the bud!

I've never met anyone who considers it more ok.

Just more understandable.

What do you mean?

I don’t know anyone who’s mean to their siblings and also don’t know anyone who thinks it’s ok.

Huh? Exactly that.

It's more understandable to be mean to your siblings rather than your friends, because you don't choose your siblings and you might hate/really dislike them.

So no-one thinks it's ok, but many can see it's more understandable.

Absolutely, I’ve seen this. As the eldest I was expected to put up with physical violence and being called all sorts of names from my siblings, because I “knew better” and “needed to set an example”.

Oddly I’m not close to my siblings now!

I love your username! I am in the same boat

Are you still in the same boat now?

Do you still live at home with your siblings?

If not, and they're treating you badly, go low or no contact.

Yes I do unfortunately and its always put down to "sibling rivalry". I am still a full time student. My sibling is the only one treating me badly.

I’m sorry to hear that. I hope that you’re able to move out soon! (Or that they do.)

This is the oddest thread

It would be incredibly impolite to call out a stranger or friend for greediness, your family is a completely different matter.

Yes I do unfortunately and its always put down to "sibling rivalry"

By whom, your parents or your sibling?

Either way, it sounds like something you'll have to put up with, or move out earlier than planned I'm afraid.

I think that in general boundaries are different with people you’ve grown up with - these are people who know all those weird little family things that nobody else does. You share parents and a childhood. It’s just a different relationship from the relationship you have with friends, I think.

I am the oldest of three and my feelings/belongings/personal space were never respected and my middle sister was allowed to be vile to me.

We have resolved our difficulties in adulthood and are close now but I am fierce in ensuring my children don’t behave similarly.

My mum’s poor parenting ruined parts of my childhood. I won’t let the same happen to my children.