The standards of being nice is commonly lower between siblings

[NoOtter]

I have noticed that a lot of things that are borderline mean is considered okay to say or do to siblings while it is not considered appropriate to do to anyone else. Have any of you noticed this or is it just me? Can anyone explain this weird phenomenon?

For example it is considered normal for a dc to call her sibling greedy when she gets extra food while if said dc said the same thing in a similar situation to a friend, the dc would likely get told off.

I think it's familiarity - the whole, 'I can call my brother an idiot, but if I hear you doing it you'll have me to deal with' thing.

On the other end of it, there's going to be things that I'd do for siblings that I'd be unlikely to do for friends - eg. lend 1000s, or donate a kidney, or whatever. - and not because we're close - I've certainly gone months, maybe even years without talking to one sibling or another (busy, living in different places) - it's because they're family, which (at least in my family) is a notch closer than friends.

I'm more honest with my siblings. I wouldn't describe it as being mean. I expect them to give me it straight up, and vice versa, as it's a lifelong relationship and we know each other very well. With my friends I'm more likely to only give honest feedback if they directly ask for it. It's just a different kind of relationship - one you've been handed vs one you've chosen.

I'm from a very close knit family. My sisters and my brother are my dearest friends. Along with my sister in law.

We are also all outspoken and don't sugar coat things and not once has bluntness or being outspoken with each other has caused a problem or a rift.

We all live and respect each other and being truthful and no bullshitting with each other.

Todays world seems to be many people getting upset with 'hurty' words instead of accepting that loved ones only have their best interests at heart and the truth is always better than a lie.

Of course if the 'hurty' words come from a place of maliciousness then you can choose to oust that person from your life.

I wouldn't say it's universally true across all families but I'd say things to my siblings I wouldn't say to anyone else because I'm secure in the relationship between us.

Of course you can be blunter with siblings than with friends or strangers. You’ve known each other inside and out your whole lives, presumably battled frequently, and love them as well as sometimes wanting to kill them. You are competitors and allies at the same time.

No other relationship is quite like it.

You definitely snaffled the big piece of cake, didn’t you, OP 😉

This.

It has been explained better than I can, here on P2, by @CleftChin @sugarbyebye @Turophilic and @TheHuntSyndicate

its not ok.. allowing siblings to be mean to one another just breeds issues later in life.

Not in my experience it doesn't. It teaches negotiation, and resilience, and all sorts of things. My dc fought as children, but couldn't be closer now they are adults. Same with me and my siblings. We have no 'issues'.

things will be better when you move out, OP.

Me and my little sister were always arguing, physically lashing out at eachother even. We each have a scar the other gave us! Always winding eachother up. Then I moved out.

We'd still had some quite close-to-the-bone banter when I came home but we also became the best of friends. We'd now definitely not be mean to eachother - but we are in our 50s!