Anyone else think their 13 year old is a bit of an asshole?

[Oshun124]

Wow. Parenting has never been less fun!

Attitude. Constant naysaying. Refusal to do stuff without answering back unless it's completely on their terms. Would be glued to phone if allowed. Wants to do fuck all except laze around. I feel like we're constantly telling them off, even when we are trying our absolute best to be patient and understanding of where they're at. We do try to pick our battles but they're a force of nature.

But it makes for a pretty rubbish atmosphere.

Anyone else?

I'm in my 40's and I think this could quite possibly be describing me at 13 😣

And me. But knowing this doesn't always help on a day-to-day basis.

Me

My 11 and 16 yr old are a dream by comparison

The attitude, the snark, the talking to me like I'm crap. It's draining

Yep. I adore my 13 year old daughter and have moments of unadulterated joy with her but she’s also a stroppy, argumentative pain in the arse. (As was I).

Not yet, yes she is fundamentally lazy but we have a rule of 1 x form of outdoor exercise per day and then she can slob as a compromise. At the moment she is funny, kind and great company. I'm living in dread of that changing but know it will in the not too distant future 😔

12 almost 13 & can't remember the last time I went a day without wanting to strangle the mardy fucker.

Yep, 12 and a half, the tone if voice she speaks to me can be awful, and so emotional. I try so hard to be patient, many many deep breaths!

13 is a brutal age for girls. Keep the faith though, they go back to being lovely again! My DD was a total dick from 12 to 14, but utterly fabulous again from about 16.

I feel you. 13 year old dd here who was diagnosed with anxiety and autism last November. She masked for so long and then couldn’t any more which has resulted in her being home from school since last October, I never ever get a break from her.

she can be so bloody lovely, is a brilliant cook, keeps her room absolutely immaculate but the moods and the hormones are off the scale! I remember when I found out I was having a girl my dad said this to me- “payback” 🤣

my eldest is 21 and he’s also autistic but he has never given me a bit of trouble, they’re like chalk and cheese. I long for solitude most days god forgive me.

Yup I have one of those and he is quite unpleasant before 11am!

I've told him he needs to be up and dressed by 10.30am and not grumpy otherwise all devices remain locked all day.
He's generally quite nice in the evenings though.

I'm in the same boat, have a 14 year old who hasn't been in school for nearly 2 years with burnout. She's exhausting, I never get a break from her and the moods. Hoping it will get easier as years pass!

Not inevitable. My sixteen year old never went through this stage and is still a joy.

while still a joy, my 13 year old is more of a stereotypical strop monkey though.

I've told him he needs to be up and dressed by 10.30am and not grumpy Wow! That's strict! My mother insisted I should be up and dressed for lunch (1pm)

Thank goodness for this thread - I have a 12 year old and the constant conflict, back chat, stropping and door slamming is making me so miserable. Give me a toddler again anyday!

Here for solidarity. DD12 1/2 and is a challenge. She can take a huff over nothing and then gets herself into a spiral where every single thing is an issue.

We're not long back from 4 days away of shopping (her) and meals out (both of us). She's done nothing since getting home, while I've unpacked everything and ferried her back and forth to the livery yard.

After 4 hours of her stropping about anything and everything last night I gave her short shrift and she went off to bed in a huff 🤯

I have a 13 year old boy and all my friends with girls of the same age are tearing their hair out. Boys seem slightly easier at this stage, I guess worse is to come. Mine is generally ok although he flies off the handle so easily and can never accept that he’s wrong. However, he has been like this to an extent all his life, even as a small toddler he was argumentative. He’ll argue the opposite point just for the sake of it. I forget what he was vehemently arguing about today but it was something pointless.
Equally he is on the debate team as he can just turn his hand to arguing any point so he figured he may as well channel it.

I’m not sure boys are easier - my son, similar age, is unbearably argumentative, screen obsessed and very unwilling to get stuck in. You have to shout him down to get anywhere. It’s relentless and boring

I've got twins, one of them is like this and the other is a dream. They're identical so I do find it very interesting given they had the exact same upbringing. The PITA does seem to have fallen in with a leas desirable
Friendship group.

It is very very difficult to parent them in the same way given the behaviour and the. I get accused of favouritism.

Interesting about the friend angle, I do wonder whether this is a bigger influence than upbringing. I was in with a "bad" group and was a nightmare teen. DD has a great group of friends and is a delight so far.

I think friends make a huge difference. My 13 year old is in with a group of studious, nerdy kids who like doing well at school and do things like Risk and D&D, robotics etc in their spare time and I think it really helps.

Mine's pretty decent, but she was always a fairly easy, mellow kid. I'm pretty easy too , so if she wants to mooch around and do nothing much she can. Then eventually she resurfaces and wants to do something together.

Because I don't fuss too much over how she spends her time, she doesn't fuss (too much )when I ask her to do boring stuff like going for a walk in the woods with grandma.

Yep they are a nightmare and it's really hard work 😅

I find they almost crave the energy of conflict. it's worse here if I impose boundaries and rules in a direct form- like 'you have to be in bed for 11'. Instead I'll say- 'are you ok to lock up about 11 when you head to bed?'. It's less confrontational and he seems to like the responsibility (and he's actually responsible and will remember to lock up)

Also I have found I get a better response if I WhatsApp him to ask him things/ with plans. We have started sending each other memes and funny insta and tim goj videos so it's among these. He also appreciates little acts of love- getting his favourite sweets when out, making his favourite tea. It seems to rub off and he even reciprocates with making me the odd snack/ brew.

Generally my DS will choose to stay at home when we go somewhere but he will tend to venture down when the other DC are in bed and we binge watch various series together.

I always got joked with that you are given your own teenage karma as a parent- I'm praying this is not true 🙏😂😅

I was pregnant at 16. I thank my lucky stars every day my 19yr old DS and 16yr old DD are a dream. My mother meanwhile is furious I didn’t get pay back!

Yep. But it's your fault OP. I don't know exactly what, why, or how, but any tiny thing that is wrong with the world is definitely your fault. But you shouldn't interfere to fix it either because that's patronising. HTH.

My 13 year old is lovely.
My 15 year is a dickhead.