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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is he? Last minute baby name change

37 replies

Sarah202023 · 27/07/2024 22:31

I'm completely expecting to be told AIBU but here goes...
DH and I agree a few month ago on baby name (admittedly it was my suggestion and he took a couple of weeks) but we announced it to family and friends, as we did with other DCs names.
Cut to 38 weeks he decides he never liked it and I need to suggest some more to him. Errr no!
He is now really digging his heels in...doesnt like the sound of it (it's not in anyway out-there), it's too posh and its really important to him that it can be shortened to a good nickname. Now comes up with two alternatives that can't be shortened and that i dont like. Also keeps telling me that I don't really like the one we agreed and that I'm just being stubborn!

I'm feeling a bit stuck...we agreed this name months ago, I've bonded with bump, I have thought through loads of other names and this is the one! At this late stage am I being unreasonable to think that I'm the one that has carried the baby, it's my body that will be ruined, I will get final say!?

OP posts:
Molone · 27/07/2024 22:34

I would agree to explore other names until the baby is here but ultimately I would say you should get to decide. Who chose the other names for your DC?

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 27/07/2024 22:35

I do think that if it comes to it, you do get final say. And if you don't like the two options he has suggested then you absolutely get to veto.

However, if he really doesn't like the name you've chosen, I wouldn't dismiss that either. I'd try and come up with something you both like.

DramaDivaDi · 27/07/2024 22:36

You are unreasonable for saying your body will be ruined. Having a child is an amazing thing and you should be proud of having a body that makes it possible.

differentideas6578 · 27/07/2024 22:36

Depends what is the name you like and the other names in the mix

If the name you have chosen is gaylord and he's now saying he likes Liam or David. There's a big contrast

Montydone · 27/07/2024 22:36

Ooh it’s a tricky one! Why don’t you see if you can come up with a shortlist of about 3, then decide once you’ve had baby?
I say this because once I saw our baby, the name we’d chosen really didn’t suit them and we found a different one. Totally get how annoying this is for you; also it would be great if your DH loves the name too! He does need to know that he needs to come up with some new names for you both to consider, this is definitely not your responsibility!

Original poster
Sarah202023 · 27/07/2024 22:37

differentideas6578 · 27/07/2024 22:36

Depends what is the name you like and the other names in the mix

If the name you have chosen is gaylord and he's now saying he likes Liam or David. There's a big contrast

This made me laugh! No, they are all perfectly "normal" names! My suggestion is a little less popular at the moment, his are probably in the top 10

OP posts:
FranceIsWhereItsAt · 27/07/2024 22:37

I can understand him wanting a name that can be shorted to a good nickname or whatever, although I hate to burst his bubble, but we thought we'd done that, gave our child a name which we really couldn't see how it could be shortened in any way, in order to avoid just this situation, but lo and behold, her partner calls her a stupid version of it, and it still boils my piss all these years later!

As you said, he agreed to it previously, in your mind you've bonded with and been calling your baby Fred (or whatever) for weeks, and now HE'S digging his heels in. In your shoes, I'd tell him, I'm the one who's carrying our child, I'm the one who will go through agony to give him life, so I've made up my mind and he will be called FRED!!!

Good luck with the name and the delivery OP, I hope all goes well for you.

Wolfiefan · 27/07/2024 22:38

You don’t announce a name until the baby is born.
Your body won’t be ruined!
Get a shortlist and wait to see what name suits the baby when it arrives.

OhBumBags · 27/07/2024 22:38

am I being unreasonable to think that I'm the one that has carried the baby, it's my body that will be ruined, I will get final say!?

Oh this is the sort of childish stuff that makes me roll my eyes.

I don't know how you two are going to choose a name, but throwing this nonsense at him every time you don't get your way, makes you look really silly.

You chose to carry a baby and 'ruin' your body, and that's not something he could actually do, is it?

TheSerenePinkOrca · 27/07/2024 22:38

You need to with agree.

By brother and his wife took weeks to name their DD after she was born!

If he doesn't like this name they don't be obstructive, just start thinking of some other names you like.

Original poster
Sarah202023 · 27/07/2024 22:39

DramaDivaDi · 27/07/2024 22:36

You are unreasonable for saying your body will be ruined. Having a child is an amazing thing and you should be proud of having a body that makes it possible.

Oh I'm super proud! But still...childbirth can change you physically and sometimes its not always in a positive way. But I hear you - I was being a little dramatic :)

OP posts:
Neodymium · 27/07/2024 22:39

I had the final say. I was the one who went through the discomfort of pregnancy for 9 months, and then the labour and birth. Dh didn’t really like ds2 name.

Catza · 27/07/2024 22:40

I am guessing it is your first baby? I think you are both unreasonable to settle on and announce the name before the kid is even here. I know plenty of couples who changed their mind a few weeks after their kid was born. My nephew was James for about a week before both parents decided the name was ridiculous and didn't suit the child.
Pick a couple of names that are near the top of the list, don't not tell anybody and just see how you both feel when you meet the baby.

Willyoujustbequiet · 27/07/2024 22:40

If the baby is getting his surname it's only fair you get the first name.

JumpstartMondays · 27/07/2024 22:40

Wolfiefan · 27/07/2024 22:38

You don’t announce a name until the baby is born.
Your body won’t be ruined!
Get a shortlist and wait to see what name suits the baby when it arrives.

All of this!

tennesseewhiskey1 · 27/07/2024 22:40

Sorry - I think there has to be some sort of fair compromise - I think it’s a bit unfair to pull the ‘I carried the baby, my body is ruined (?!) so I get the final say. Your husband can’t carry the baby so that’s a strange thing to say. I think a fair compromise maybe? You pick a few new ones, he picks a few new ones then you choose one together?

Montydone · 27/07/2024 22:40

@DramaDivaDi i think it’s also okay to acknowledge that having a baby is amazing AND that women’s bodies can really change as a result of this; for some in a way which is really hard to come to terms with? Both things can be true I think

Newsenmum · 27/07/2024 22:41

It’s incredibly frustrating but you need to both agree. Can you tell us so we can see what he might like? It may be one of those things where you change your mind when you see the baby.

Snugglemonkey · 27/07/2024 22:42

Wolfiefan · 27/07/2024 22:38

You don’t announce a name until the baby is born.
Your body won’t be ruined!
Get a shortlist and wait to see what name suits the baby when it arrives.

Maybe you don't, but it is up to others what they want to do.

orion678 · 27/07/2024 22:45

DH and I both refused to name our babies until they were born. DC1, we agreed a shortlist but disagreed on our #1 choice. When baby was born I got the final say (and had very strong feelings on this name) but DH was in agreement. For DC2 again we had a shortlist and again I had a favourite. Ultimately DH let me decide but it was DH's favourite name that I chose, because it suited DC2 more

Coconutter24 · 27/07/2024 22:46

Catza · 27/07/2024 22:40

I am guessing it is your first baby? I think you are both unreasonable to settle on and announce the name before the kid is even here. I know plenty of couples who changed their mind a few weeks after their kid was born. My nephew was James for about a week before both parents decided the name was ridiculous and didn't suit the child.
Pick a couple of names that are near the top of the list, don't not tell anybody and just see how you both feel when you meet the baby.

This isn’t their first baby.

My SIL was one name when born and then at registering the birth came out with a different name

Adviceneeeeded · 27/07/2024 22:46

Think if a completely different name together. There are so many to choose from

We changed my eldest name 3 times before he was born. Then gave him a middle name after we had registered him so had to get it added.

Original poster
Sarah202023 · 27/07/2024 22:46

OK...just to clarify.
We do announce names before they are born :) for me it's a lovely way to bond! Although we've not been in a position where one of us has changed our minds before.
Also wishing I didn't use the word ruined...I am perfectly aware my body won't be completely ruined! What I am getting at is that labour and childbirth are difficult times and I'm trying to work out if I get a little extra sway in picking a name!

OP posts:
MissingKitty · 27/07/2024 22:50

Even if you get extra sway, you shouldn’t go with something that he just outright doesn’t like, it’s unreasonable. Seen as this time is different, just wait until the baby is here and then decide when you’ve seen him.

Original poster
Sarah202023 · 27/07/2024 22:54

Molone · 27/07/2024 22:34

I would agree to explore other names until the baby is here but ultimately I would say you should get to decide. Who chose the other names for your DC?

Edited

He has always been much more involved in coming up with names before. So previously they have happened to be his suggestions and after a while I agreed that I loved them too.
This time round he seemed less interested and gave no suggestions. But did agree...and that's where I'm struggling because he's changed his mind after several months. and think I know I'm at least being a little unreasonable!

OP posts:
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