Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is he? Last minute baby name change

37 replies

Sarah202023 · 27/07/2024 22:31

I'm completely expecting to be told AIBU but here goes...
DH and I agree a few month ago on baby name (admittedly it was my suggestion and he took a couple of weeks) but we announced it to family and friends, as we did with other DCs names.
Cut to 38 weeks he decides he never liked it and I need to suggest some more to him. Errr no!
He is now really digging his heels in...doesnt like the sound of it (it's not in anyway out-there), it's too posh and its really important to him that it can be shortened to a good nickname. Now comes up with two alternatives that can't be shortened and that i dont like. Also keeps telling me that I don't really like the one we agreed and that I'm just being stubborn!

I'm feeling a bit stuck...we agreed this name months ago, I've bonded with bump, I have thought through loads of other names and this is the one! At this late stage am I being unreasonable to think that I'm the one that has carried the baby, it's my body that will be ruined, I will get final say!?

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 27/07/2024 22:59

I think you should explore alternatives - your child's name is important enough that it has to be something you both agree on. I also think it's odd to announce the baby's name to family and friends before it's even born 😳 we always had a short list in mind and decided on a name when we had actually had the baby.

KissMyArt · 27/07/2024 23:00

Sarah202023 · 27/07/2024 22:46

OK...just to clarify.
We do announce names before they are born :) for me it's a lovely way to bond! Although we've not been in a position where one of us has changed our minds before.
Also wishing I didn't use the word ruined...I am perfectly aware my body won't be completely ruined! What I am getting at is that labour and childbirth are difficult times and I'm trying to work out if I get a little extra sway in picking a name!

What I am getting at is that labour and childbirth are difficult times and I'm trying to work out if I get a little extra sway in picking a name!

I don't see why you should.

It's like him challenging you to a competition to see who can piss up the wall the highest.

You're no more equipped to win that, than he is to get pregnant and give birth.

JustKeepSwimmingJust · 27/07/2024 23:10

You are being a touch unreasonable, but at this stage in pregnancy you are allowed to be. Keep talking names. Not just the three the two of you have dug heels in about.

And if you have to tell everyone that when he came out he just felt much more like an Englebert then they’ll accept it.

StormingNorman · 27/07/2024 23:21

He took weeks to agree the name so it’s fairly obvious he didn’t love it. I think you have to go back to the drawing board as it’s important you are both happy with the name.

Would he agree to using it as a middle name?

StormingNorman · 27/07/2024 23:22

Could you tell us the three names? MN might be able to add to list and find something you both love.

AGoingConcern · 27/07/2024 23:28

I would have wished he had spoken up earlier but I would rather go back to the drawing board before the baby arrived than dig in my heels. Are you technically within your right to name the child what you want as the mother? Yes, I believe so. But (at least when having kids within a marriage) I can't imagine wanting to my child to have a name one of her parents strongly dislikes. I see us as equal partners and parents, and pulling the "but I'm the mom so I have more say" card runs counter to that. Everything to do with the pregnancy & my body was mine to have autonomy over, but baby names were about the baby not me.

It sounds like maybe he was just expecting he'd grow to like it more as it "marinated" and instead the opposite has happened. My DH and I changed our planned name after the birth for one DC. At the time it felt like a big deal because we had been using a different name, but now I tend to forget we ever planned on anything but the name DC has.

Footballwidow24 · 27/07/2024 23:31

So previously they have happened to be his suggestions and after a while I agreed that I loved them too.
sounds like your turn now, then

Original poster
Sarah202023 · 27/07/2024 23:47

Thanks for all the fab replies!! Although I'm not asking if you chose to announce names in advance, and I am definitely not trying to make it into a competition!
As I feared...perhaps I am digging my heels in a little tho. I have already told DH that that I've not been fair in not wanting to hear any more ideas and have asked for his list of favs. But arghhh...im so set on the one we agreed months ago!
We'll get there...its a nice problem to have 😊

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 27/07/2024 23:55

I think it would be perfectly reasonable to have a little meltdown at him and say you decide this now, have you not noticed I’m 38 weeks pregnant? Do you think this is easy or fun? We just won’t necessarily be able to choose the name before baby is born this time, I’ll try but I will NOT go with a name I don’t like. We agreed a name for months and now you’ve blown that up so you can’t possibly expect me to choose a name I don’t like because you’ve brought this up so late.

And totally ok to use ruined! I’m healthy and active and I went to the gym on the weekend, didn’t wear my support shorts and leaked on the treadmill. That’s because of babies, and my youngest is 2.5.

BobbyBiscuits · 27/07/2024 23:55

I wouldn't announce a name to friends and family before the baby was born. It's not a bad idea to have a pool of a few names you both like.
I don't think you should name the baby something you don't love, but it would be great for DP to love it as well.
I hope you might come up with a compromise. But surely once they're born a certain name will seem to 'fit'?

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 27/07/2024 23:55

Perhaps come up with another three names each to see if there's any consensus or crossover.
I don't think women should have the final say but it does sound like he picked the previous names which you eventually agreed with so it's your turn. Once the baby is here and been named you can't imagine them being called anything else!

Original poster
Sarah202023 · 28/07/2024 00:00

BobbyBiscuits · 27/07/2024 23:55

I wouldn't announce a name to friends and family before the baby was born. It's not a bad idea to have a pool of a few names you both like.
I don't think you should name the baby something you don't love, but it would be great for DP to love it as well.
I hope you might come up with a compromise. But surely once they're born a certain name will seem to 'fit'?

I think this is why I like picking a name in advance...maybe6 its just me but I've never seen a newborn baby that looks more or less like a particular name, rather they grow into the one you've picked!
But maybe this time round a shortlist of a couple of extras is the way to go

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread