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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think going from 1-2 kids must be harder than 0-1?

53 replies

onetwoshoe · 27/07/2024 22:24

People say the second slots in but I can think of loads of reasons why it must be harder. Sure, your first makes you a parent and there’s no bigger change to your world than that. However, the second totally changes your available time, finances, mental load, organisation and pretty much everything else! Or AIBU?

OP posts:
combinationpadlock · 27/07/2024 22:25

There is no answer to that, it depends entirely on each family, parent, child, home. etc.

Original poster
onetwoshoe · 27/07/2024 22:29

combinationpadlock · 27/07/2024 22:25

There is no answer to that, it depends entirely on each family, parent, child, home. etc.

That’s true. I just can’t see how (as joyous as it may be) adding more to your family is in no way harder

OP posts:
CableCar · 27/07/2024 22:29

Everyone is unique. I found 0-1 ridiculously hard as my baby was a really difficult baby, but 1-2 was an absolute breeze!!

Thewickerlady · 27/07/2024 22:30

I found 1-2 much much much harder than 0-1

FuzzyStripes · 27/07/2024 22:30

I found 0-1 much harder than 1-2, whereas 2-3 was fine.

VivaVivaa · 27/07/2024 22:32

Everyone is different.

I really struggle to see how adding a 2nd child makes things easier, certainly in the baby/toddler years. Some on MN will say it does though.

For us, having a 2nd DC has definitely made life harder. Primarily because the mental and physical load is bigger. And second children don’t always just ‘slot in’ even if they are generally easygoing as, fundamentally, they are their own people with their own wants and needs. Some people are a lot more difficult than others and your 2nd DC could be really bloody difficult!

But the jump in ‘hardness’ was nowhere near as big as going from 0-1. Nothing will ever be that big I don’t think.

LividSummer · 27/07/2024 22:32

Can’t get my head around this thinking at all, sorry.

The life of a child free person is SO different to that of someone with one or two children.

PuttingDownRoots · 27/07/2024 22:32

I found 1-2 easier as I was more confident and knew what I was doing.

First time round I felt clueless and was learning each day

NewName24 · 27/07/2024 22:32

YABU

Sure, your first makes you a parent and there’s no bigger change to your world than that.

You've even argued against yourself in your OP.
Nothing more lifechanging than dc1

Cheeseandcrackers40 · 27/07/2024 22:33

O-1 PND hell. 1-2 logistically challenging and felt like about 5 times the work. DH had the snip after that 😂. Love my kids but never ever again 😂.

cadburyegg · 27/07/2024 22:33

I found 0-1 incredibly hard. Childbirth took its toll on me, breastfeeding was harder than I ever could have imagined, and I was sleep deprived for a year.

1-2 was a breeze in comparison. I was expecting another difficult birth, a baby who wouldn't sleep, and an older child who got horribly jealous. None of those things happened. Best time of my life.

Newsenmum · 27/07/2024 22:33

onetwoshoe · 27/07/2024 22:29

That’s true. I just can’t see how (as joyous as it may be) adding more to your family is in no way harder

Show quote history

in my experience it gets slighter harder but not life changing like 0-1. I also think it depends on how hard your first child was. Mine is autistic and incredibly challenging. My second is a ‘standard’ baby so feels easy in comparison. My challenges with my son would be the same whether my second child was here or not. And my second brings us extra joy.

Cheeseandcrackers40 · 27/07/2024 22:35

Probs also depends on the baby... neither of mine slept through until they were 4.5-5 years. 7 years of broken sleep was hard 😬

MonkeyPlywoodViolin · 27/07/2024 22:35

Ooh good, first one on the thread who gets to say…

1-3 was a bit of a challenge! But actually still easier than 0-1.

MulberryBushRoundabout · 27/07/2024 22:36

0-1 is totally life changing, 1-2 didn’t beat it on that scale. But for me there was a time where DC2 was maybe 6m - 2y which was just pure hell, which was vastly harder that the 2.5 years we only had one.

So my answer would be that it’s not necessarily the point at which the next child is added that’s the hardest!

Bournetilly · 27/07/2024 22:36

Everyone is different.

I thought 1-2 was going to be easier (because everyone said so) but I found 1-2 so much harder. It’s not the shock that 0-1 is but it was very difficult for me.

Newsenmum · 27/07/2024 22:37

MulberryBushRoundabout · 27/07/2024 22:36

0-1 is totally life changing, 1-2 didn’t beat it on that scale. But for me there was a time where DC2 was maybe 6m - 2y which was just pure hell, which was vastly harder that the 2.5 years we only had one.

So my answer would be that it’s not necessarily the point at which the next child is added that’s the hardest!

That’s a very good point. I think I’m still in the honeymoon period with my second!

stargirl1701 · 27/07/2024 22:38

No.

0-1 with a high needs baby who turned out to be autistic.

1-2 with a NT baby who slept for 2 solid hours in one go!!!! Incredibly easy.

Comedycook · 27/07/2024 22:38

I found going from 0-1 pretty easy.

1-2 was much more difficult!

OutThePanIntoTheFire · 27/07/2024 22:39

Depends on the baby/ child.
I had my eldest young , when I say nothing phased me I mean it. Broken sleep I still had loads of energy. EASY baby

Large gap ( 18years ) before the next baby again although older I still found it a doddle. Again EASY baby slept through from 6/7 weeks old 10pm until 6am fed changed back to sleep until 10am .

Had another so 3rd wow massive difference. Was NOT an easy baby. Didn't sleep due to illness , demands of a toddler. Was torture. .

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 27/07/2024 22:40

Depends on the baby, and on the birth, and whether there's an R in the month

Greenlittecat · 27/07/2024 22:40

I found 0-1 really hard as my whole world changed.

Struggles a bit being "outnumbered" going from 2-3.

By my fourth I was in the swing of things but I'm not enjoying the babystage/ early toddler AT ALL with her. Can't wait for her to be 2ish and chatting away, confidently walking etc, my life will get infinity easier then.

MrsPuddle · 27/07/2024 22:44

well ....you've already bought all the kit, made most of the big mistakes, are used to broken nights and are a real life parent.

So while the second one is of course more work than just one, its not double as you know so much more and are less stressed, so is easier! In the long run its definitely less than double when they play together and keep each other amused yay!

and the best bit is your heart expands to find that extra love.

elliejjtiny · 27/07/2024 22:47

0-1 I was clueless and worried about everything. 1-2 I was worried that I was neglecting dc1 when I was counterfeiting dc2. 2-3 I was struggling with a newborn and a 2 hour school run. 3-4 was actually quite easy apart from the baby always wanted to be fed when I was taking the older 2 to school. 4 to 5 was a piece of cake, apart from when dc4 was in hospital a lot and I had to manage a baby and a 1 year old in hospital on my own.

MigGirl · 27/07/2024 22:49

No and not sure why you would think that,

I mean you go from being able to just walk out the house with out a care in the world, to having to remember almost everything except the kitchen sink 🙃.

Also for us 0-1 high needs baby who didn't sleep and cried all the time.

1-2 sleeping baby who napped all the time and slept through from 7 weeks.

Two totally different babies and the second was sooooo much easier. I'm sure I ended up with postnatal anxiety with no1.