To think going from 1-2 kids must be harder than 0-1?

[onetwoshoe]

People say the second slots in but I can think of loads of reasons why it must be harder. Sure, your first makes you a parent and there’s no bigger change to your world than that. However, the second totally changes your available time, finances, mental load, organisation and pretty much everything else! Or AIBU?

Definitely depends on the baby
0-1 was a life changer obviously but baby slept 12pm-6am from 3 weeks. Hardly cried and “slotted in” to our life. Was different but wasn’t hard at all.
1-2 was hell on earth to start with! Had colic, screamed constantly for hours, eldest still wasn’t walking (13 months) and wanted bottles and spoon feeding again. She couldn’t sleep properly either due to the little banshee. Husband had new job and no paternity leave. Parents went on a 3 week holiday week before baby was born. No additional help or support. I cried many times!

I’m about to go from one to two. I was immensely comforted by my best friend saying to me after the birth of her second ‘the crucial difference is you don’t have to become a parent for the first time again’. For me that was such a life-altering shift that I feel it must be easier second time around when 1) I know roughly what to expect and 2) I know that however hard a particular stage or issue is, it’s going to pass and easier days will come.

I found 0-1 harder than 1-2.

0-1 was lush, 2 under 2 was difficult because I was pulled every way and had to helicopter 2 instead of 1. 2-3 was massively life changing.

Dh had the snip pretty quickly. Adding to your family is always going to be harder, surprised at those who seem to of found it less effort. All mine were very different though. I most definitely did not feel I knew enough after 1 😂 It’s not even close!

Same! I found 1 to 2 incredibly easy.

This was me haha

0-1 means going going from having only you to look after to becoming a parent. The life change you experience is huge, including in terms of your own identity, mindset, lifestyle, and so on. By the time you go from 1 to 2, you're an experienced parent and you get more of what you already have. It's harder than having just one, obviously, but you don't experience a huge life change by having a second child (unless there are other circumstances like SN).

Yep same!

Think of it this way:
0-1 is infinitely more children, change of lifestyle etc.
1-2 is only doubling the number of children and you’ve aready given up childcree life.

I found it really easy to go from
one to two, but I appreciate not everyone feels that way.

We have twin toddlers, so our jump was 0-2. Whilst the actual ‘workload’ and costs were/are more than it would have been for 1 for sure, our friend’s became first time parents to 1 at the same time and it very much felt like ours lives all changed in roughly the same ways regardless. In some ways (and only based on our experience) now it feels almost easier as they play together and entertain each other, so seem to need our undivided attention less than single children we know.

I found 0-1 much harder than 1-2 but admittedly number 2 is only 3 months old.

I feel much more relaxed about all aspects of parenting this time round.

We do have a 5 year gap though and my eldest adores my youngest so both of those things probably help

I found 0-1 the hardest. I was fully prepared when we went 1-2

1 to 2 was very hard….like everyone wants a piece of you and they want it now…..2 to 3 was much easier

Me too. Much harder. Even with a 6 year age gap.

0-2. Now that was hard 🤣

0-1 was harder than 1-2
I was so at peace with parenthood 1-2.
The logistics are hard but it isn't a surprise

0-1 was incredibly hard. 1-2 was much easier and not just comparatively. My life actually felt easier. I had much more confidence with dc2 and that helped me be more confident with dc1 too. And I was ready the second time round for the bullying HV and in-laws and found my backbone.
I was better at pacing myself for two, than when I was trying to be the all and everything to one child.

All the things that were hard about having a newborn felt much easier than the things that were hard about having a high energy, highly spirited toddler. And the expectations were easier - everyone knows two under two is hard whereas people make you feel a bit shit if you find 1 hard.

It all depends on the circumstances really.

Our twins are 6. I’m also grateful to only be dealing with one school class, set of homework, teacher, same drop off and pick up, same bedtime, condensed time paying for nursery, only one maternity leave so less loss of earnings, lots of positives. I still think singleton siblings are easier though!

I found 0-1 incredibly hard but DD was a difficult baby who didn’t sleep or eat because of her CMPA. She was a delightful toddler, though!

1-2 was easier at first because DS was a very placid baby (and DD was still an angel, plus she started school shortly after he was born). He then morphed into an absolute demon from about 18mo (in 2020...), and we're only just coming out the other side at 6!

0-1 was amazing, life changing and beautiful. Baby was a dream and I could nap when they napped.

1-2 was hard. No napping when baby napped and having to care for an older child whilst recovering from a c section and devoting a lot of time to breastfeeding. Oh, and add in Covid lockdowns!

0-1 was a breeze for me, 1-2 was hard, much harder than expected. Higher needs baby and having to split myself between two small children at different ages with different needs. I expected the second to slot in so it was a shock!

As PP have said every family is different and depends on what your like as a person and what your baby/babies are like

I'm so chilled out and so are all my children. Didn't fine becoming a parent or adding any more children much different to not having any children. The main difference was not going our clubbing all the time which honestly is the last thing I would want to do now anyway

0-1 was horrendous for me
1-2 has been a breeze

I'm enjoying it alot more second time round. I know what I'm doing which also helps.
DC1 was a massive shock to the system.

I disagree. Having my first was the biggest shock. Looking back I can see so many things I did wrong! Baby number 2 was a doddle, I wasn’t obsessed with how much sleep I was gettting, I didn’t fuss as much about silly things , I was 100% more laid back. Same with number .

Your first baby changes everything about your life. You go from being only responsible for yourself, able to go wherever you like, do whatever you like, whenever you like, to suddenly away from work, cut off from colleagues, tied to the demands of an utterly helpless little creature. They turn your entire world upside down, fill it with love, wonder, exhaustion, and worry, They start to grow and life keeps getting more complicated.

When you have a second (if not a large gap) it’s just a bit more chaos to get used to.