To be irritated at MIL saying “it’s your favourite person” to LO

[Fizzyducklings]

Just that really. I’d love to hear from MILs, is this something you would innocently say to your GC without meaning anything by it? Or would you be more self-aware that maybe it’s not appropriate or necessary to refer to oneself as the child’s favourite?

YABU - it’s an innocent comment
YANBU - it's not appropriate/necessary

It could be a micro aggression
It could be you being jealous and possessive
It could be her having a laugh and winding you up
It could be her doing MK ULTRA our baby.

What ever the reason is -your letting it get under you skin.

My ex mil is an arse hole and it got to the point everything she did bothered me. And I realise now I gave her too much power. Spent too long letting her live in my head and I lost perspective.

In this instance OP you know she is never going to be your babies favourite person - so letting this get under your skin is pointless.

I think you need to start avoiding spending time with your mil - let her see baby when your not around,

When my dds have babies I will totally say shit like this to wind them up 😁

I couldn't get upset about this.

It's lovely when children have a close relationship with Granny. As your baby's mother you will inevitably be his/ her actual favourite person. Who cares what label granny gives herself?

It's their inelegant way of saying they love your child so much that they want to be their favourite person. Can you try to reframe it that way in your head?

@Fizzyducklings YANBU - I completely get this and can sympathise as I am going through the same thing. My mil has been teaching my LO to say that she is her best friend, my little one doesn’t even know what a best friend is yet. It really grates on me and I know that it is competitive from her side wanting to be the favourite person.

I would find this irritating OP. It's not worth getting worked up about it though.

😊

My MIL says the same thing to my DD, doesn't bother me.

Lighten up OP

Agree, it's truly not a big deal 🙄

Dh's brother used to say to DD when she was tiny "It's your handsome uncle" when he arrived.
Then DD went through a stage aged about 2 or 3 of asking what words she didn't know meant.
One time he came in and said that and she asked. "Does handsome mean fat?"
All totally innocent, but it stopped that comment from that moment.

I’m with you OP. Context is all. My DCs are older now but when they were little, every time MIL saw them she would say “who loves you best?” and it wound me up incredibly - but it was part of a much bigger picture of her overstepping boundaries and being inappropriate in other ways, which is why it really got to me. As an isolated thing without anything else going on it wouldn’t have bothered me quite so much.

Generally saying something like that is a humorous comment - bigging oneself up in a jokey way, often when asking a favour. My dds will sometimes say jokingly "you know I'm your favourite daughter" prior to asking me to do something for them.

But a small child doesn't understand a joke so it sounds like it could be a massive aggressive comment to wind the nearest adult up. Not necessarily, of course, but if there is a back story.....

However, I'd try to ignore it in that case. The chikd won't love grandma more because it's said.

Yeah OK then, it's a great conspiracy

To be honest, I can only hear this phrase in a sarcastic way (think mate saying it in the school playground when the teacher you hate is coming or the kid who fancies you but you don't like). So rather than letting it wind you up, think of it like this and have a little smile to yourself!

My MIL always says to my son " how's MY favourite boy" etc etc, pretty sure she accidentally called herself mummy to him yesterday on video call. I laugh about it. She's just proud.
My Nan ( his great grandmother) gets uppity about it and makes little comments like " he does have other grandparents as well you know!!"

The jealousy children bring 😂😂

I think some posters have missed that she’s calling herself your child’s favourite person. Not saying the child is her favourite person. Which is just odd and a bit desperate. Next time she does it, you could laugh and say ‘I don’t think so!’

It is annoying - how old is your dc? It may be that when they get to the age (as all small children do) of being brutally honest, your mil might get a shock when they say “no you’re not”!

Thanks all, really helpful hearing different perspectives. I think it’s a bit of both - I am reading into every little thing but there are many many reasons that my brain jumps to the conclusion that she’s saying it in an oddly competitive way. But equally I need to learn to let go and lighten up. It’s not that I think LO will start to believe this - it’s more just like “ugh why are you saying that, nobody is competing here” reaction in my head.

All the lighthearted examples sound perfectly normal and harmless but yeah I think context is everything with these things. If there was no back story or if someone else said something like this (although funnily enough nobody else does) I probably wouldn’t read into it.

And yes just to clarify she is calling herself LO’s favourite person - like, “It’s meeee, your favourite person”

I think she's just baby chatting
I'm a mother in law, and would hate to think my daughter in law felt like this. Mn seems to be a mother in law hating site😂😂

I call dgs1 my best big boy and dgs2 my best baby boy. I think you are overthinking it somewhat, but if there's a back story then I can understand why you are sensitive. My brother just has to open his mouth and I take it the wrong way

I'd be tempted to reply with a joke such as 'is Dora The Explorer coming in too then?'

Grandmothers do talk the most appalling bollocks to their grandchildren. I wouldn't worry about it.

Which is exactly what I told a four-year-old whose beaming granny had suggested that he was so sweet she could 'just eat him all up'.

Pretty normal, I would think. Doesn't need a drama unless there is a back story.

I tell my dog he’s my favourite boy while my son is next to me. He doesn’t care. Its not that deep

Yeah this. It's really silly to try and take a comment like this in isolation when there's a history