Would this be too much for your young kids ?

[toomuchfu]

I'm aware they're all different etc etc.

But I am just talking to my mum and how things were when I was little and what we would get up to on holiday and how we would behave vs how it is with my kids..

So I will outline a couple of days as an example

1. Get up after around 9 hours sleep ( kids are 2 and 4 ). Go to the beach until around 1 pm. From around 10 am. Then have a sit down lunch until around 2pm. Go home, 2 year old naps for a couple of hours and 4 year old goes in the pool. Go out to dinner at 8 or 9ish. Sit down dinner for at least an hour. Then go to a fun fair and let them go on trampoline, ferris wheel etc.. then home and in bed at around 11 pm.

1. Another day, get up after 9ish hours of sleep. Play at home and have lunch at 1, set off on 1.5 hour car journey. Kids nap in the car. Arrive at destination, go to friends house for 45 minutes . Wake kids to go into house. Then stop at hotel for 30 minutes, then go to buy some food at supermarket, then go to buy kids clothes at shop,then onto another stop and then a two hour meal. After meal at around 10 pm, go to an another place for a drink with kids. Then go home and kids in bed by midnight.

1. Kids up after 9 hours sleep. Off into the car to have breakfast at cafe, then quick play at playground and onto 30 minute journey ti have lunch at relatives house for two hours. The straight back to the car and journey home for 1.5 hours. Then just home time and bed.

I didn't cover bath time and story time but it's also I there.

Don't you think that this is A LOT for kids this age? Especially a 2 year old? And you'd naturally expect there to be some tears and tantrums with this kind of schedule ? My mum says my parents did even more with us and we just slotted in and didn't complain......

The four year old has been good actually. The two year old has maybe 3 bad tantrums a day on days like that. By bad tantrum, I mean a good 15 to 20 minutes of creaming and crying. But we are having much more downtime now. We had a few intense days last week and then changed things.

Is that really the case though or is it just your perception and if that is the case is that anything to do with parenting? It might be, but the decline in the mental health of all age groups suggests to me that there's something else going on.

https://media.nhsbsa.nhs.uk/news/nhs-releases-mental-health-medicines-statistics-for-20222023-in-england

Without sounding selfish, it's also a lot for us. If they go to bed at 8 or 9, at least we can have a small bit of downtime too.

What am I reading?

I can't believe any of you think this is OK. Poor poor kids.

The maximum time my kids would have managed is 9pm. I'd slowly adapt the schedule so they're in bed earlier by 9pm rather than midnight.

If the adults want drinks after dinner then go back to someone's house or your place to continue. I wouldn't be taking young kids to a bar or anything like this after 9pm as it's for adults.

Leave fairground rides for the day time rather than the evening to prevent overstimulation. That's what leaves kids tired and screaming, they need winding down activities in the evening.

Mine have loads of energy so are fine with busy days (although of course needed naps as babies/toddlers) but they need a reasonable bedtime otherwise they still wake up at the same time but are grumpy sleep deprived messes. Even when little they never fell asleep on the sofa or similar. They are older primary age now and still don't ever lie in regardless of how tired they are... I'm assuming at some point the teenage hormones will kick in and they might actually sleep beyond 7am but no sign of it yet...

I know other children who are find with later bedtimes but need downtime in between socializing/activities so don't cope with being constantly busy. So it depends on the child.

That’s far too late to bed for little ones.

I think your mother has forgotten the tears and tantrums whilst retaining good memories of your holidays

That's because he should have been in bed before this time!

The fair is not open during the day as it's too hot. Only at night and lots of kids go there.

Yeah totally agree about drinks, it wasn't a bar though that we went to. Hard to explain. Anyway, I stayed 15 minutes and left anyway.

@sausawyee but what about all the other two year olds, who were not screaming. The fair is literally for young kids. It's pact at night and completely closed during the day.

No way my kids would have managed that at 2 and 4. I think they were asleep by 8am at that age!

As an example on your first day after the beach and lunch they would have definitely fallen asleep in the car on the way back. And we would probably had to lounge by the hotel pool or playground and have an early dinner or face crying tantrums, especially if the weather was hot.

*8pm

A bit different for us as my DS is profoundly autistic with learning disabilities. He’d manage ok with one of those days but not day after day back to back, and I don’t think he’d manage to stay awake that late. He’s 7.

My kids would have been miserable and would not cope.

If it’s in a different country then they probably have a completely different everyday lifestyle than you and you can’t expect your kids to suddenly jump into it.

There are also differences in how to do an activity. For example, at dinner time we would sit at a table, chat, people watch, maybe do some colouring. If the kids are running around or watching screens then they will be a lot more tired after. Sugar also plays a role - you need to time the crash to fall during quiet time.

1. All dc are different. Not better or worse. Not more capable or less. A holiday could coincide with a need for more sleep (b/c of more time in the sun, a growth spurt, change in routine etc.).
2. That is a very full on schedule for a 2 and 4 year old. And very late nights. I don't think most children that age only have 9 hours sleep at night to be fair. Most dc that age I know go to bed around 7 and certainly aren't awake at 4 am which would be 9 hrs later. I'd say 7/7:30 bedtime and 6/6:30 wake time is more 'average' for that age.
3. Grandparents always mis-remember. My Mum has said similar, then we were looking at old photos and she mentioned when we went to a hot country when I was 2 that I was miserable and so unlike myself that week. It was too hot etc. I laughed and laughed to myself b/c for many years she has been using that holiday as a gentle 'nudge' that I didn't struggle in the same way my current child the same age does when very tired etc, or any of my older dc did sometimes. Clearly, I did!

Personally, if it is a weeks holiday I try to have a couple days that are very very simple - hotel pool, small walks for ice-cream, etc. I try to never have more than two busy days on the trot. Errands etc can be done by 1 parent, maybe with the 4 year old.

Listen to your dc, they are telling you what they need and are probably doing really well given their ages!

I think as long as it isn’t that planned eg they seem extra tired they get to lie in, or they go to bed early the odd night etc. as long as hydratedetc probably fine (with some lovely holiday tantrums of course!!)

For my 4 year old in the holidays 8:30 - 9pm is a late bedtime.

Tbh, my 6 year old is up til around 10pm and up at 8. It's the summer holidays; I am not too bothered. However, our days are very relaxed and I've purposely made it so there's basically no travelling for them. They're free flowing between a large pool, trampoline, garden, sandpit, indoor toys, crafts, snacks and drinks, walks in the local area.

I would expect tears and tantrums with consistent days out and long travelling but not the occasional day (though with a 2 year old I'd expect some tears and tantrums no matter what!).

I'd also say that given you are of an age where you are having children yourself, we have a tendency to forget the bad/grindy bits of parenting and remember the nice bits. If those days you mention are spaced out amongst pottering about at home, it sounds reasonable. I have learned to lower my expectations and plans as 6 weeks is really a long time and they can get very tired.

I was saying to my mum how what we are doing is much nicer than taking them on many days out and queuing/travelling for huge parts of the day! We'll save that for when they are older.

I think people just forget the detail once they are no longer in that stage of parenting.

It's like the people confidently telling their child sat up unaided or rolling at 8 weeks. When you are living that stage a week is a long time and you are very into milestones. But if asked the question now I'd be at risk of a dud answer because I genuinely can't remember and it's all blurred.

Your mum probably isn't recalling the experience at the exact same ages. At some point you won't either.

All small children who get hot, over tired or over stimulated get upset over nonsense. But they also aren't the memories most of us retain from nice holidays.

My DD only sleeps 9h a night at the moment so it would be doable as one off but I wouldn't want my 2 year old to be out after 8pm. Latest I would want to reach home is 9pm if pushing it but only if she had taken a late nap and I knew she was falling asleep late that evening.

When mine were that age just 2yrs ago they would not have coped with the late night. We often used to have to go back around 9pm maybe 9.30 at a push as youngest was just so tiered and getting upset/behaving badly.

They are now 4 and just turned 7 they really struggled on holiday recently with only getting 9-10 hrs sleep. Both no longer nap. As the week went on we had to go to bed earlier and let them sleep in longer.

I think it depends on the child too though. My eldest copes fairly well to be honest so apart from being tiered her behaviour was fine. It's my youngest that doesn't cope and the tears n tantrums can come quickly.

I think all parents think their kids were so well behaved back in the day and never had a meltdown etc but I think they forget a lot of it 😂 or kids were scared of their punishments!

Mine would be fried. I would be fried. DH would definitely be fried. But as you say, every family is different.

I was generally ‘well behaved’ as a child but was scared of DM and DGF. Ironically am just starting therapy through CMHT and CPN unpicking my childhood, so I don’t really use mine as a reference point for good parenting.

I'd throw a couple of rest days in the mix, but my 2 year old would handle most of that.

And if she was tired, she'd just go to sleep in the car or on one of us at dinner or something. Once she knows she needs to sleep, she just finds somewhere she feels safe and goes to sleep.

OMG the hard stare 😱 That was DM’s sharpest-honed weapon.