AIBU to think we can afford 3 kids?

[wonderfulthingabouttiggersis]

Have have no village
both work ft combined earn shy of 120k
FT nursery is about £70 a for a 4 day week (that with the 30hrs, it’s how much they charge now) term time, outside is £60 a day.
4 bed house but a small new build one
already have a 7 seater
decent prospects are work. Both work 9/10
id have to go back FT
love our holidays but do hunt for a bargain
we don’t live in our forever home, will likely upsize when DM sells her home and move to a larger place with an annex for parents.
only way our mortgage will go is down (we’re On a high rate rn .14% about BBR

after tax and deductions (health and protection and pensions) we get just over 6.2k a month)
dh and I both want another BUT he thinks we can’t afford it.
All monthly except childcare and that’s difficult to work out monthly due to funding and term time contracts.
mortgage -£1200
protection £50
childcare- £180 a week but that will go down in January to £100
gas/ electric £130
council tax £150
phones £50
internet £40
food £500
subscriptions £20
credit card £100
we save £50 a month each and will start reclaiming child benefit to save that for them.

MN your straight talking.

AIBU to think he’s being over cautious and financially we’re ok financially

Budget 15k per child for uni which parents are supposed to contribute to.

I agree with others re sen as even 1 dc with 'mild' asd can be tricky working when they are at school for first 2 years or so as they can be overwhelmed and certainly dd had so many issue i thought she would be expelled at 4-6.
Also transport to secondary is £800 a year here.

So why have you listed only £50 as one of your spend lines on your budget if you then save more.

Your total listed comes to less than £3200 so there’s surely a £3k black hole where your money is going but not accounted for.

I you each save £300 that’s £600 spare if you will, not a huge amount of wiggle room for another childcare bill if you got pregnant right away.

Obviously in theory £6k with a relatively low mortgage should be able to sustain 3 kids, however if you don’t know where your money goes you can’t be realistic about where to cut back.

I called back in may and I’ve not had anything come through yet, they said they’d back date it but it could take 3 months

OP@wonderfulthingabouttiggersis Oh come on, you have an extremely good income, we have 2 kids on less and I don’t even work due to chronic illness, we have a very good lifestyle with a larger mortgage than you and still afford multiple holidays and max out our pension contributions. However the moment anyone says they don’t think they can afford another kid then this is a good reason not to have another one ….as perhaps they don’t really want one that much ..what your husband may mean is he doesn’t want to compromise your lifestyle for another kid, which is fair enough!!!

Yes, I know CB isn’t limited to 2.

Thats why I said UC benefits. Not CB, If he earns over 60k you won’t get UC, if your child was disabled. You would get carers allowance and dla for the child.

and as you have a mortgage and don’t rent you would get nothing to housing costs, even if there was UC available.

So you don’t need to start to claim it again? You already have?

anyway. Good luck 👍

We do save for them, my steer to them wouldn’t be to go away to uni it would be to stay at home or do a degree apprenticeship, but if they did we’d use the savings for them

that must’ve been really challenging for you!

I don’t get it yet though, maybe next month I should get the backdate payment

AIBU to think he’s being over cautious and financially we’re ok financially

You lost me at that point. He is presumably DH / DP.

If he isn't on board then you can't have a third. But you know that.

Because I went by direct debits, whereas we save what’s left over

I do agree we should look more closely at our budget and see where we are wasting money.
I think that’s good sense- third child or not
dh is terrible with eating out, that’s one area I know we could cut back on.

I think there’s a lot of spending you’ve missed out: car and house insurance, car tax, boiler service, car breakdown cover etc. our adhoc annual costs like this cost us £200 a month so I have a separate savings account i put £200 a month into.

But if you want a third you’ll make it work. I don’t think it would be mad in your situation.

I’d say it’s more about time, do you have time to spend quality time with 3 kids given you both work 90% of FT and give them the attention they need/deserve? Are you going to be able to give 3 the opportunities to do the after school clubs and hobbies they want? Will you be able to fund 3 through uni? Will an extra one significantly reduce the house deposit help you’re able to give the other two?

I’d think carefully before potentially disadvantaging your existing children by having another.

I’d say that’s about right as to what it would set us back, that’s a good idea to budget for

We are on 121k (mortgage is £1284 in august so similar to OP).and when I asked on mumsnet a year ago whether we could afford to have a single child, they said it was doable but not loads of money.

I am in london but at the same time my biggest cost (housing) not far off the OP and I don't even have a car!

You also need to consider what would happen if you have twins and end up with 4 children instead of 3! I know it’s unlikely but it’s possible.

What a load of navel gazing! Some of us just want to have another special person in our lives!

You don't have to buy each child a car.
You don't have to pay for everything at uni - they can take student finance and get a job.
You don't have to provide a house deposit.
My three did activities 5 nights a week between them at one point. We devoted our time to them so nobody missed out.

You rear them according to your means. And it sounds like your means are more than compatible with bringing up a 3rd child.

Do not underestimate how expensive teenagers are…
Plus, my thinking was when we were considering a third (and decided against) would I survive if DH dropped dead or ran off to join the circus! Do consider what your plan would be in the worst case scenario, add on life insurance, income insurance, critical illness cover etc, it’s frightening how quickly life can change course and thats bound to be harder with 3 kids than 2 should the worst happen.

but that’s a bit silly, I think you’d be fine with one or 2 children. Maybe 3 but I don’t know nursery costs in your area

I think it’s pretty sensible to consider the impact on existing children and frankly irresponsible to have another one if you can’t afford to help them through uni and they will only get minimum loan.

That’s shite parenting tbh and very selfish just so the parent can get “an extra special person”.

Same with house deposit given how tough it is to get on the property ladder these days. I can totally understand if people are not well off and it’s out of reach, but it seems pretty mean to think “well I could give each of my kids a 10% deposit, but I’d rather spend it on having another so sorry kids!”

Being a parent is about putting your (existing) kids first.

It’s just bizarre to do a thread asking if you can afford another child, because your husband doesn’t think you can and then post a really half arsed budget with loads missing and yet claim you work in finance.

I dont think unfortunately parents get much say about whether kids decide to go to uni. Which is cheeky when we are expected to contribute.

We also earn the same as OP which to be honest is why I switched off. I have 2 kids and could keep adding away if I wanted to.

I would bear in mind that kids become a lot more expensive as they get older - maybe youll want to send them to private school, then there are: holidays more expensive and harder to find, driving license, insurance for the first car, school prom, expensive days out with their mates to Alton Towers or similar, branded clothes, iPhones, tablets, uni fees and accommodation costs wherever they'll be studying (potentially). Plus it's harder to give 3 enough of your time as you will literally be outnumbered (great series by the way). We were at that point in the past, and I've never ever regretted that we didn't try for baby no. 3.

Oh I just knew there would be one!! It's not only the parents who get another special person - it's also their siblings and the rest of the family! We are not "shite parents" for the record. How deeply offensive!! We knew we could manage a third, we did, and have zero regrets. We accepted that there wouldn't be expensive foreign holidays for a few years (we have since travelled extensively as a family) and that we couldn't go out and spend a fortune on material things, because we were paying for childcare and lots of extra curricular stuff for all three (always with an eye on the future personal statement!) but it wasn't forever.

Mine are all successful adults, two already graduates, the other halfway through, and are amazing human beings. We've very proud of them. So you can take your judgement elsewhere. Trust me, none of them has missed out on anything!! We've done one fucking fabulous job if I say so myself!

I have to agree with @zzar45 's post.

Two professionals earning good salaries should definitely be able to afford a third child. If you have a child with disabilities, or twins, or all 4 decide to go to uni, or any number of other variables, you'd make it work.

But I'm staggered that you work in finance and haven't thought about budgeting before.