AIBU to think we can afford 3 kids?

[wonderfulthingabouttiggersis]

Have have no village
both work ft combined earn shy of 120k
FT nursery is about £70 a for a 4 day week (that with the 30hrs, it’s how much they charge now) term time, outside is £60 a day.
4 bed house but a small new build one
already have a 7 seater
decent prospects are work. Both work 9/10
id have to go back FT
love our holidays but do hunt for a bargain
we don’t live in our forever home, will likely upsize when DM sells her home and move to a larger place with an annex for parents.
only way our mortgage will go is down (we’re On a high rate rn .14% about BBR

after tax and deductions (health and protection and pensions) we get just over 6.2k a month)
dh and I both want another BUT he thinks we can’t afford it.
All monthly except childcare and that’s difficult to work out monthly due to funding and term time contracts.
mortgage -£1200
protection £50
childcare- £180 a week but that will go down in January to £100
gas/ electric £130
council tax £150
phones £50
internet £40
food £500
subscriptions £20
credit card £100
we save £50 a month each and will start reclaiming child benefit to save that for them.

MN your straight talking.

AIBU to think he’s being over cautious and financially we’re ok financially

What if your third child is born with severe, lifelong disabilities and one of you is no longer able to work? What then?

we’d obviously need to really sit back and look at our finances and not be so sloppy.

but I don’t quite follow

"both work ft combined earn shy of 120k"

My own family income is nowhere near this and we have 4dc and have a great life.

you are currently saving 400. Your nursery fees are 180 per week. That is already 400+800ish. 300 for clothes, formula, nappies etc. Or are you planning to live paycheck to paycheck and not have any savings at all?

In this scenario am I unable to work due to these disabilities or are these separate things?

well then if that was the case and it wasn’t spotted in utero. I’d imagine I’d become a carer at home and claim carers allowance and other benefits that the child may be entitled to.

we’d definitely have to budget more too. Holidays would become self drive European ones and UK holidays. We’d probably move in with my mum earlier too

You better hope none of your kids have SEN/ND because state school provision is shit and now I'm really happy I stuck to one DC so I can afford private school.

Each, yeah.

but my expenses won’t drastically increase, the nursery cost is the same.

don’t use formula so that’s out.
already have clothes and nappies, that’s not to say I won’t buy more but I’m confused as to your logic

I have heard that, it must be very tough!

True though. Is even though you think it's not helpful, it's still a reaction that shows my opinion on how they can totally afford it. Just like other people are saying too.

Or are you talking about maternity leave?

i get 6 months full pay, + gift (£1000 from company + my bonus. And then 3 months smp

hubs gets 6 months full pay pat leave that can be staggered throughout the first year of life.

so I think we’ll be ok there, although I’d take the kids out of wrap around In the time I’m not working

Holidays get pricey when your a family of 5 and kids are pre teens and up. Plus it's awkward to find accommodation as most hotels don't cater for families of 5. You usually end up having to book 2 rooms.

Given you can obviously afford the immediate costs, perhaps your DH means you can't (or he'd prefer not to) afford another 21 years of it. Never being able to have a smaller car. Always another chunk on the cost of holidays/days out. Never able to consider reducing hours or taking an easier lower paid job. Another through uni etc. It's not just whether you can afford a baby, it's whether you want a third dependent for another two decades and possibly beyond.

I'd keep in mind you may have to pay for childcare and wrap around even if not using it during maternity to save your place

I am confused.

Why would you start claiming CB again? At least one of you earns over 60k. O think I might be missing something there.

And if you gave up work for a disabled child, you would perhaps get dla. Carers allowance is next to nothing and likey to get very little in benefits if your husband earns a decent wage.

Nah it’s alright, I’d just put my name back on the list for a year from then, they are pretty good!

I can tell but that's because you seem to be generally confused about finances.
My logic is this - you may plan on things remaining largely the same (like, you didn't use formula with your other two) but you actually have no way of knowing if this will be an option with your third. You have a high salary but are able to save very little of it and your initial calculation doesn't seem to show where the money is going. So you are not having a very realistic picture of your finances.
You seem to forget that children don't remain babies forever which means you will have additional costs of clothing them, educating them, providing entertainment, paying for one more airplane seat, buying each of them a phone and a laptop before too long. You have not accounted for any of that. So far, you seem to think that cloth nappies and breast milk is enough to get you through their entire childhood.
Your expenses will continue to grow exponentially. Which means your lifestyle will change. That, in itself, is not an issue. I don't actually think you can't afford the third I just think you are completely clueless about how your finances will change as a result. So if you want one, go for it. But my personal approach would be to actually start putting money aside every month to simulate the changes you are likely to experience with the third and see if you still like the lifestyle you are left with. And, I am guessing, this is what your husband is hinting at when he says you can't afford it.

Because we’ll have to start paying it back they changed it recently won’t have to pay it all back

I’m not au fair on benefits

What a rude little person you are indeed

I don't much care if you think I am rude but why start an AIBU thread when you have your mind made up? What a waste of everyone's time!

So you both earn 60k each?

I didn't say you were in benefits. Why would you be on benefits?

I was talking in reference to you saying if you child was disabled you would give up work claims carers allowance and benefits. Unless you husband earns very little and you sr the main wage earner (meaning you wouldn't get CB) you would get dla and perhaps carers allowance. But not benefits.

And given the 2 child rule, you wouldn't get UC benefits for all 3.

But why be derogatory. It’s pretty nasty to say I don’t understand finances (i work in finance) and say I think a child lives on breast milk.

my comments were obviously related to immediate expenses. Our salaries will improve most likely

As PP said what about affording the extra plane seat on a holiday, or the extra theme park entrance ticket. Every time you go for a.emal or the cinema its that extra cost. Plus when they want new toys, laptops, game consoles, phones. Then as teenages all new clothes as they won't always what hand me downs. Then you'v3 got 3 lots of driving lessosn, 3 lots of cars, 3 lots of car insurances.

Would yoy want to be able to help all 3 children with deposits for houses etc. The babt stage is the cheapest

And if yiu are both on 60k why haven't you started claiming it now?

The thing is OP, your H doesn't want a third child. He is saying you can't afford it. This could mean one of many things. He is seeing it as a lifetime commitment and is worried about long term costs. He doesn't want to plough surplus income into a third child and wants to enjoy a higher standard of living with more disposable cash. He has reason to be concerned about income security. He doesn't want a baby for non financial reasons and is making an excuse. I think rather than have MN confirm what is obvious - that you can afford nursery, nappies and food for a baby - you need to talk to him and find out his reasons for saying this and go from there.

Sorry love what I mean by au fait with I meant I’m not familiar with benefits or dLa instead of carers allowance- I don’t know what would be the best in that area at all.

child benefit isn’t limited it’s child tax credit that is.

dh earns just over and I earn mid 50s