Neighbours kids playing outside early…

[FooFightersFan]

It’s the school holidays and I appreciate that by starting this thread I’m going to sound like a right grump, but here goes…

Our garden backs onto two houses, both of which are owned by couples with young kids. All four parents work from home full time.

The kids (youngest 3, all primary school aged) regularly play outside in the gardens. The houses are new build with literally no plants or shrubs. Just lawn surrounded by fence / brick walls. The noise just bounces around as there is nothing to ‘absorb’ it.

I accept that they are noisy when they play because they are young, energetic and kids!

Now that the school summer holidays are well under way, it’s become apparent that getting up and out into the garden at 8am is their routine. And they shout. A lot.
Then at 10am they go inside and there is silence for a while.

I can deal with it, I have 2 kids and I appreciate that’s what kids are like.

and here’s the “but”…

My son works full time and his room overlooks our back garden. He works 12 hour shifts a lot of days, in hospitality. Most shifts mean he is home around 11pm and in bed by midnight. He’s getting increasingly fed up with the neighbour kids’ morning routine.

During term time, the outside playing is just at the weekend. But now it’s a daily occurrence due to the holidays, I really feel for my son, because being woken up 90 mins before he needs to be up for his next shift is pretty miserable.

WIBU to message or pop round to my neighbours and see if they can encourage their kids to be quieter (a big ask) or to not let them out before 9:00.

I’ve become that grumpy neighbour 😩

They're kids! Enjoying the freedom of the Summer holidays. And how lovely that they're outside playing & not stuck on screens inside.

Ear plugs and blackout curtains - quit fueling your ADULT child's sense of entitlement - ffs the world doesn't stop because he has shift work 🙄🙄

Yes, if it's very hot, then out from 8 to 10/11, then again in the evening is best. A nap, too, even if they don't usually, or a lie down with a book or quiet activity in a cooler room with blinds and curtains drawn. Staying inside until the hottest part of the day is silly.

I don't think it's sensible to keep them inside until the hottest part of the day in summer, better to start the day earlier then come inside from 11 to 3 or so. I don't think parents are 'blessed' with non screamers. Unless maybe in the case of some SEN, most children can be taught from toddler age not to scream or shriek.

My kids are SEN and quite capable of being taught, with some effort, to regulate their noise.

My neighbour's kids are going through a noisy phase. I'm taking full advantage of not having to regulate my own noise anymore either. I'm not doing anything I wouldn't naturally do, just doing things I've always wanted to do but not done for the sake of quiet.

I did say some SEN. I had SEN and didn't scream either. I recognise that some children, such as non speaking children, may make noises as communication, that's all.

Fair enough. That's not usually persistent and ongoing over days though. We all have to tolerate some noise in our environment.

I agree. It's that I think the issue is more with children not being taught not to scream and shriek than the time of day (assuming normal daytime hours of 7am onwards). The vast majority can be taught not to in toddlerhood and of course you would be tolerant of the few who can't.

So he's not even a night shift if he's home and hour later he could. Be in bed before 12 and get the 8 hours most of us have

I'm 60 and have worked 55 hours plus for over 30 years does he need to check his bloods?

What’s the point in asking for peoples opinions OP when you’ve clearly not taken any on board. And now gone to ask the neighbours to be quiet. You’re like Andy Murray’s mum. 8am is a completely reasonable social hour. Playing loudly as a child is not a crime nor bad behaviour. The world doesn’t revolve around your son, and the fact he works shift work is completely irrelevant. What if the neighbours were to complain about his car pulling in late at night waking the children? He needs to deal with it. Ear plugs, close window. Or what about he moves to his own place away from the children. Why is he still living at home with you? This is very entitled on you and your sons part. I would agree with you if it were 5-6am. But it is not. The world doesn’t stop for your son.

I'm 60 and have worked 55 hours plus for over 30 years does he need to check his bloods?

Different people have different energy levels. You sound very energetic, but not everyone is. Also, not everyone is a good sleeper. Cracks me up the way people are asserting that the son is 'getting his 8 hours'. He may well not be.

By 10.30 we have to come in or burn my blinds and windows get shut at about 10 to keep it cool.

Repeating the same points over and over on this thread does not magically make them right.

He gets between the recommended 7 to 9 hours a day

Is 19 a child? Why is everyone calling a young man a child?

And what makes you think you are any more right than I? I have previously worked up to 14 consecutive 13 hour night shifts regularly as a junior doctor 10 years ago. Some days I wouldn’t sleep more than a couple hours. I used ear plugs and an eye mask. To ask people outside to be quiet would be inappropriate because my choice of career is not their problem. Also during surgical rotations ward rounds BEGAN at 8am. It is not an unreasonable hour. Where were the people then clucking about me not getting my 8 hours? This is the real world. We get on with it.

Allowing children to play in their own garden, at a time when people are permitted to do noisy building work, yes, that's absolutely failing to parent

It is if the parents are failing to keep an eye on things and remind them to keep the noise down if necessary.

So what? Your personal experiences aren't some sort of manual on the right way to do things. They're just your personal experiences. As you said, your career choice.

IMO though you would have had a perfect right to ask people to try and be quiet if possible - obviously they would have had the right to ignore the request, but you'd have been entitled to ask because people have a right to prioritise decent rest as far as possible. The martyr act/resultant lack of sleep doesn't confer sainthood, nor the right to try to browbeat others into agreeing your way is the one correct way and everyone else is wrong.

I'm also staggered that an actual doctor is preaching that it's fine to deprioritise sleep and engaging in sleep deprivation one-upmanship.

Those aren't the only two options.

Yes, if I hear them getting too crazy, I would of course ask them to stop shouting. Most of the houses round us have similar age children, all out playing at similar times. The annoying one is the house behind us which plays loud music quite late, big floodlights etc. But it's not up to me to control them, we got blackout curtains and close the windows. My children need to sleep, my responsibility to ensure they get it by doing things myself, not asking others. 3 quarters of voters think OP is being unreasonable, so I'm clearly not on my own in thinking that an adult being able to sleep from 11pm to 8am is perfectly sufficient. Wait until he has children and does well to get 3-4 hours a night and then has to go to work.

I know. He is an adult old enough to take appropriate actions to ensure he gets enough sleep, rather than mummy needing to sort it out for him. Imagine if he goes to uni, mummy knocking on doors of the halls saying 'please make sure you make no noise so my little darling can get his 10 hours beauty sleep'

Op he's getting used to leaving school and short days to a normal working life all young adults do this if he's really tired he would adjust and sleek longer his working shift maybe 11 hours but most people do 8 to 9 then on top of travel cook, clean, care for others, have an evening if he's not getting up until he must leave for work he's not doing a normal relaxing time let alone any domestic stuff......that's not going to make him an independent adult or good partner .....encourage him to get up around 8 and do some self care not laze around

If he’s not it’s no one else’s responsibility though. There is enough of a window to get 8 hours before any children playing at 8am.
If he chooses to stay up for hours that’s got nothing to do with the neighbours living a perfectly normal lifestyle.

The annoying one is the house behind us which plays loud music quite late, big floodlights etc. But it's not up to me to control them, we got blackout curtains and close the windows. My children need to sleep, my responsibility to ensure they get it by doing things myself, not asking others.

See, that's where we differ. In a civilised society I think people are absolutely entitled to politely ask others for a compromise if they're doing something that's causing problems. Not get arsey, simply ask. Of course, the other party is equally entitled to refuse, but I'm bemused by all the knots OP's son's being adjured to tie himself in rather than simply, y'know, ask. As OP did on his behalf, and it sounds like it went fine.