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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To let my 9yo use my makeup

34 replies

RosieChardonnay · 25/07/2024 17:53

I have some makeup, all very natural. My 9yo is very interested in it. She will try on my (very natural) foundation, setting powder, lip balm etc. I can tell she has it on but it's so natural and she does a good job so most people would not know she was wearing it. She likes the routine of cleansing at night too. She uses my simple cleanser.
I only allow her to wear it in the house, I would not allow it at school/parties etc. I always tell her she does not need any makeup, she is so beautiful naturally inside and out. I always talk about how it's important to be a kind person and how you are as a person is so much more important than how you look etc. She has asked when she can wear makeup out of the house and I said maybe 13. I do allow a bit of nail varnish and some lip gloss now. She has a couple of friends who do wear some makeup now when going to birthday parties. Sometimes they talk about skincare together and she has mentioned brands like drunk elephant etc. I have said she doesn't need that and it's not suitable for her age.
So am I unreasonable letting her use my makeup? I don't mind too much and she is very careful with it. She enjoys organising it for me too and is very excited when I get something new to try it out. She does have some kids makeup of her own but prefers to use mine as she says it's more natural.

OP posts:
S1lverCandle · 25/07/2024 17:57

Slight over use of the word natural.

otravezempezamos · 25/07/2024 17:59

I feel your pain OP. So many little girls are trying to be grown up too soon. This skincare nonsense for such young children needs knocking on the head.
I am lucky in that my kid is almost always doing sport when not at school so any make up would end up under her chin or up her nose 🤣 But I wouldn’t let her use mine. It’s for adult skin (and comes at adult prices).

zzar45 · 25/07/2024 17:59

I think things like foundation and setting powder are too much for a 9 year old.
Glitter lipgloss, colourful nail polish or eyeshadow is fun playing, a grown up face of makeup is not imo.

PashaMinaMio · 25/07/2024 17:59

Keep her a child as long as you possibly can.

Using light hardly-there make up for special occasions from 13 onwards seems like a good plan. “Less is more.”

It’s a bit like ear piercing, a right of passage which where I’m coming from is also something to look forward to as you enter your teens.

Sirzy · 25/07/2024 18:00

I agree with your overall approach but I would buy her her own suitable make up and skin care products rather than using yours, sharing make up isn’t ideal!

Comedycook · 25/07/2024 18:04

I actually I think the fact it's natural make up makes it worse than the kind of garish glitter stuff. Kind of means she's taking it more seriously. I think I'd definitely be trying to discourage this.

Yourdemonsyourproblem · 25/07/2024 18:04

She needs to be a kid unfortunately I know it's so hard now a days with kids wanting to be to grown

RosieChardonnay · 25/07/2024 18:05

S1lverCandle · 25/07/2024 17:57

Slight over use of the word natural.

I probably did overuse the word!!!

OP posts:
RosieChardonnay · 25/07/2024 18:25

Comedycook · 25/07/2024 18:04

I actually I think the fact it's natural make up makes it worse than the kind of garish glitter stuff. Kind of means she's taking it more seriously. I think I'd definitely be trying to discourage this.

Thanks for your comment. Personally I think the glittery stuff looks awful on kids and I would never encourage it. She doesn't like it either.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 25/07/2024 18:28

RosieChardonnay · 25/07/2024 18:25

Thanks for your comment. Personally I think the glittery stuff looks awful on kids and I would never encourage it. She doesn't like it either.

Edited

But awfully applied glittery makeup has the element of fun. Very well applied natural make up is more about looking good rather than just having fun which is too grown up a concept imo.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 25/07/2024 18:28

From a hygiene point of view, it might be best to get her to use different brushes to you so that neither of you end up with breakouts from sharing.

It’s a bit too late to wonder if you are being unreasonable. The car’s out of the bag and she’s using all kinds of products that most don’t try until older (foundation, setting powder…)

SonicTheHodgeheg · 25/07/2024 18:29

Glittery, bright makeup is a sign of youth imo and I agree with a pp that applying it like an adult woman rather than doing it for fun is too serious for a primary aged child.

RosieChardonnay · 25/07/2024 18:41

Thanks all. She doesn't like the kiddy makeup at all so would not be interested in it.
It is about playing being an adult to her. She loves playing with her dolls and loves pretenting to be a mummy.
I think it's probably just a phase, I will continue to allow her to use mine occasionally, not outside of home and I am not going to buy her makeup of her own as this I feel would encourage it further.
She has lots of other hobbies outside of this so I am not particularly worried but something to keep an eye on and interesting to get opinions. Thank you.

OP posts:
BigFeetEnergy · 25/07/2024 18:42

It's not something I'd create rules over or stress about. I'd steer it away from 'makeup makes you look pretty' and appearance is everything just as you describe.

But at that age I'd suggest her doing your makeup, you doing hers. Doing ott clownish looks, doing 80s style looks, using facepaints too. Being silly with it and keep it fun. She just wants to copy you. She's not growing up too fast, she's playing at being mummy like kids aways have done. Poke gentle fun at the sephora girls on tiktok, keep it away from that!

NuffSaidSam · 25/07/2024 19:02

I think if you thought it was ok you wouldn't have used the word 'natural' quite so many times!

It's fine. It's face paint, that's all. It's fine to play with and experiment with. It's even fine if it isn't, shock horror, natural! Keep it as a fun thing to do at home and don't let it become something she relies on/needs.

NuffSaidSam · 25/07/2024 19:03

Comedycook · 25/07/2024 18:04

I actually I think the fact it's natural make up makes it worse than the kind of garish glitter stuff. Kind of means she's taking it more seriously. I think I'd definitely be trying to discourage this.

I agree!

MillshakePickle · 25/07/2024 19:04

I don't agree with makeup and skin care for kids so young.

Fine to incorporate washing face, hands, etc, when brushing teeth at night if she's not had a bath. Plus, a good moisturiser for skin which is age appropriate and made for children.

Children's skin is so sensitive and is thinner than adults' skin. Their pH balance is also slightly different.

Lip gloss and nails I think are fine but more than that is overly sexualising and setting them up for issues with what's normal.

I am in the fashion industry and have been for over 2 decades. Trust me, when it starts this young, it often not always opens the doors to a whole host of problems.

I keep my kids away from anything like that including unnecessary hair products and all social media. It's toxic to their well being and mental health.

AuntieStella · 25/07/2024 19:11

I made an early parenting decision never to get into a fight about something that washes off at the end of the day. And I've never regretted that policy.

And I don't think we've had a whole host of unnamed problems because DD wore a lot of make up and far earlier than I really approved of.

We have had some interesting convos over the years about why she likes to present herself that way. The most recent one was about "pretty privilege" which she thinks is really shallow but will take advantage of completely ruthlessly

RosieChardonnay · 25/07/2024 19:29

MillshakePickle · 25/07/2024 19:04

I don't agree with makeup and skin care for kids so young.

Fine to incorporate washing face, hands, etc, when brushing teeth at night if she's not had a bath. Plus, a good moisturiser for skin which is age appropriate and made for children.

Children's skin is so sensitive and is thinner than adults' skin. Their pH balance is also slightly different.

Lip gloss and nails I think are fine but more than that is overly sexualising and setting them up for issues with what's normal.

I am in the fashion industry and have been for over 2 decades. Trust me, when it starts this young, it often not always opens the doors to a whole host of problems.

I keep my kids away from anything like that including unnecessary hair products and all social media. It's toxic to their well being and mental health.

Thank you, that's interesting.
Could you possibly give me more specific information about the whole host of problems this will open up?
Just wondering how allowing her to use my makeup occasionally, speaking to her about it and putting boundaries in place v completing banning makeup?

OP posts:
MumChp · 25/07/2024 19:32

My approach was the same at that age and they soon lost interest again.

reluctantbrit · 25/07/2024 19:32

I would carry on as you are. DD started around that time and I think it's ok at home.

We allowed mascara and lipgloss for parties from the end of Y6. She had her own stash already thanks to her drama/dance school performances twice a year. I think sharing is not ideal, at least buy a second set of brushes.

DD also was a Scout, loved the outdoors, swapped make up for mud and horse manure on a weekly basis and played with teddies.

S1lverCandle · 25/07/2024 19:33

NuffSaidSam · 25/07/2024 19:02

I think if you thought it was ok you wouldn't have used the word 'natural' quite so many times!

It's fine. It's face paint, that's all. It's fine to play with and experiment with. It's even fine if it isn't, shock horror, natural! Keep it as a fun thing to do at home and don't let it become something she relies on/needs.

Well, it's not just face paint, is it? A 9 year old with her face painted like a butterfly / tiger is a very different prospect to a 9 year old with a full face of makeup.
One is fun and age appropriate, the other looks quite odd.

savethatkitty · 25/07/2024 19:37

You know what, it's entirely up to you & how comfortable you are. I began "experimenting" with make-up (aka, being given left overs by my mums friends) aged approx 10 or 11. We're talking eye shadow & lipstick. I started wearing a full face of make-up when I hit high school, aged 13.

Having said that, I have 2 daughters. Eldest not really interested in make-up, I offered to buy some when she hit high school. Youngest, just turned 13, is a bit more interested, but doesn't wear a full face.

So, I think its up to the child & up to the parent. No right or wrong.

Zanatdy · 25/07/2024 19:41

I’d continue with your age 13 rule and discourage the use of make up. The longer she can go the better. My DD is 16 and doesn’t use any make up yet, good job really as she’s got a lot of acne due to hormones and cloggy make up won’t help. She has a face wash but no other skincare. I am glad as so many use young girls use an excessive amount of make up now

NuffSaidSam · 25/07/2024 19:46

S1lverCandle · 25/07/2024 19:33

Well, it's not just face paint, is it? A 9 year old with her face painted like a butterfly / tiger is a very different prospect to a 9 year old with a full face of makeup.
One is fun and age appropriate, the other looks quite odd.

Sure it is, make-up is just face paint for grown ups. If she wants to play being a grown up at home it's totally fine. Just like it's fine if she wants to play being a butterfly or a tiger. It's all pretend. I can't say a nine year old with her mum's make-up on looks anymore odd than a nine year old painted to look like a tiger!

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