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AIBU?

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Original poster

10 Year old randomly pulled out a £20 note, not sure where it's come from.

47 replies

ForSpryHazelRaven · 25/07/2024 13:06

Bit of a back story my son is in year 5 (going up to year 6 after the holidays)
He recently went on a residential with year 5 and 6 kids attending and made a friend from year 6.
On the last day of term he came out of school saying this new friend had given a friend from my sons class £20 to give to my son but he never received it saying his other friend had stolen it and taken it home. I didn't really think anything of it as my son has a habit of fabricating stories and making things up. Fast forward 4 days we were sat having a picnic in the park and he randomly says to me 'mom, remember that £20 so and so gave me but my other friend stole it? I said yeah? He said well he didn't actually steal it I have it, it's in my pocket right now.' Then pulls out a £20 note. At first I just said well why did you lie and say had stolen it? But now I'm wondering what 11 year old has £20 to just give away to a rather new friend. He says because he has left the school he gave it me, which sort of makes sense as this child will go up to high school now & they won't see eachother (he lives out of the area and my son won't be attending the school he is going to) but I just can't shake the feeling that he isn't telling me the truth. I have said I will be keeping this money until he goes back to school and I will be asking his year 5 teacher if anyone lost any money or if any has gone missing. Am I being unreasonable? He doesn't have a habit of stealing and I do leave money around the house and other than the odd 50p or £1 coin he doesn't bother with it and when he has taken little bits of change I have been firm on if it doesn't belong to you you don't touch it and let him know I will not tolerate stealing. Do I let him have the £20 and take what he's saying at face value or do I stick to my original plan of waiting til school starts up again? I don't have any contact with this child's parents nor would I know how to contact them as it is a very recent friendship and now he has left the school I wouldn't be able to have the opportunity to bump into the parents again which also is very convenient imo. He could of also just found the £20 note but I don't understand why he wouldn't of told me? And I'm not going to ask if he found it as he will just agree to get out of it if he has taken it from someone he shouldn't of. He doesn't stay at people's houses or go anywhere I'm unaware of and doesn't go out alone so I am definitely not worried about any foul play or alarming situations. I'm quite a laid back parent but I do have my boundaries and I definitely will not tolerate stealing in any way shape or form wether it was 20p or £20

OP posts:
InTheRainOnATrain · 25/07/2024 13:15

The whole story is odd. Since it’s obviously not his, he’s unlikely to tell the truth about where it came from and it’s right at the start of the summer holidays I’d just give it to charity and be done with it.

GreatScruff · 25/07/2024 13:18

He says because he has left the school he gave it me, which sort of makes sense as this child will go up to high school now & they won't see eachother (he lives out of the area and my son won't be attending the school he is going to

I don't tho k it makes sense. Why would this boy give your ds twenty pounds because they are going to different schools?

And if it's because they are good friends and it's like a present why aren't they keeping in touch?

TokyoSushi · 25/07/2024 13:21

None of the story he's telling you makes sense so something doesn't add up. I wouldn't allow him to keep the money though.

S1lverCandle · 25/07/2024 13:23

He's spun you quite a tale, op. He's clearly nicked it. I'd be removing it ASAP, and I'd probably put some sanction in place if he refuses to come clean about what really happened.

IncognitoUsername · 25/07/2024 13:24

Nothing about this story makes sense. Kids don’t randomly give other kids £20. Am guessing that the whole ‘other boy stole it’ was a cover story to see how you would react. I’d call his bluff and say that you have got in touch with the other parents and will call them to check it’s ok with them.

MadeForThis · 25/07/2024 13:24

It's a strange story. And even if true the 11yo should be given back the money.

Cobblersorchard · 25/07/2024 13:29

I wouldn’t be so worried about stealing (although it’s possible) but more worried that he was given it and that he will need to do something in return later on.

Children with unexplained cash, clothing etc is a red flag for grooming (gangs, county lines and sexual exploitation etc).

Does he have a phone? Monitor it closely.

Gummybear23 · 25/07/2024 13:34

He is clearly lying.

I be more concerned about this.
Give to charity.
Tell him you will not tolerate lying or stealing.

twentysevendresses · 25/07/2024 13:39

Last year some children in my Year 4 class told me that 'Harry' had given them money. Of course I checked...some of the children had wads of notes (£80/£100 or more!) some had £10 or £20 (varying amounts but in total I recouped over £500!)

Turned out that he had stolen cash from home and brought it into school, then started handing out 'presents' to everyone. I got most of it back but there was a shortfall of around £100 or so which we never found.

Could be something like this perhaps (hopefully not as dramatic!) where another child has just handed out money stolen from home. Have you checked with other parents to see if their child has suddenly produced cash that's not theirs? Are you in any of the class/school WhatsApp groups? Might be a place to start.

honeyteabee · 25/07/2024 13:53

I am the only one here who thinks there is a possibility its not stolen but the earnings of something more dubious.

He could be mixing with the wrong sort for whom he does favours for.

Have never pickpocketed or been around those who did so have no idea how easy it is.

Having grown up in a police family my mind tends to think he's getting it doing favours for his friends older friends/brothers/cousins. Him dropping off Pirated stuff, bags of cannabis etc.

There is also a chance that these are gifts from someone grooming him for whom your son might be asked to repay the favour later on.

Sorry to upset you but a 10 year old boy might think it's silly to drop his trousers & flash people as "a dare for £10/£20". But its not a dare if people are taking photos.

Christmas202 · 25/07/2024 13:56

Well my brother in law was ten and he left me in debt of over a grand , twenty quid from a mate, give it back and let it go.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 25/07/2024 14:00

Use FB to locate this friend's parents? Ask on a local FB page? Or does the school have a parents' page or WhatsApp group you may be able to locate them on?

Deciding he's lying and punishing him for it will only create distrust. He won't feel able to talk to you if there is something dodgy going on (like he's being used to pass contraband) because you'll accuse him of exaggerating or lying

Mischance · 25/07/2024 14:06

The general consensus seems to be that he is lying and that he stole it.

If that is the case .......

  • why would he tell you anything about it at all? He has no reason to.
  • why would he produce it from his pocket?
  • why does he not just spend it?
Mischance · 25/07/2024 14:07

It is your son who has drawn attention to it and told you about it. Is he trying to tell you something?

Hairyfairy01 · 25/07/2024 14:13

I would be thinking if he had to do something to get that £20, or if they will use it as blackmail again him in the future. I wouldn't let him keep it but I would be closely monitoring his phone / gaming devices (if he has them) and mentioning it to the school when they go back.

WeeOrcadian · 25/07/2024 14:15

Does DS face any consequences for his lying?

I'd be having a VERY serious conversation with him about this, before it gets worse

twomanyfrogsinabox · 25/07/2024 14:17

I would be slightly worried he has earned it in some way while at the camp. Helping with something illegal, others have mentioned drugs, could even be something sexual, stealing might be the least worst explanation, other than it really being a gift. Is this other boy's family really wealthy, they may have given him a lot of spending money for the trip (and £20 might not seem much to him). Can you invite the new friend over, see what he's like and thank him for the 'present'.

sadabouti · 25/07/2024 14:23

I'd pay the window cleaner with it.

StonwEd · 25/07/2024 14:23

I would be praying that he’s stolen it and it’s not the first stage in any kind of child exploitation. Then you can deal with the stealing but you have to find out the truth. Because if it’s the latter that’s only the start, and it stands to reason that another child on a school trip could start having influence on yours.
Check your child’s phone, do not allow social media at all and contact the school if there’s any evidence this money was in any way gifted for seemingly no reason (including they’re going to different schools). It will never be “free” money.

S1lverCandle · 25/07/2024 14:25

Mischance · 25/07/2024 14:07

It is your son who has drawn attention to it and told you about it. Is he trying to tell you something?

Good point, actually.

drspouse · 25/07/2024 14:25

I would also be praying that he (or the friend) stole it.
You haven't said whether he has a phone.

Beautiful3 · 25/07/2024 14:31

You'll never know the truth. I'd take it off him and buy something for the family with it. I'd have a word about lying. My brother and sister used to lie alot, and one of them used to steal alot.

Elisheva · 25/07/2024 14:38

I think he really wants to tell you where it came from but can’t for one reason or other. My ds has done this in the past, I get half stories or hints because something is worrying him but he can’t quite face owning up to it yet.
I would take the £20 and put it safely somewhere, with his knowledge, and say that you’re a bit worried about it, and when he’s ready to tell you where it really came from you will be happy to listen and until then you will look after his £20.

Ancestrysos · 25/07/2024 14:38

Everyone saying to take it away and tell him not to steal or lie OP has 0 proof he has done either. Maybe this boy really did give him the £20… I would try and contact the boys parents to ask if they would like it back as it’s too generous etc. Surely if you’re in a group chat someone will know his parents? I wouldn’t accuse my dc of lying or stealing without having a good reason too.

Thetwix · 25/07/2024 14:41

He fabricates stories and he takes money from you (the odd 50p or £1 is still money!) and now he’s telling you utter nonsense about the £20 - no year six child just gives a year five child £20, via a third party, for no reason and with no strings attached.

He wouldn’t be getting the £20 back, he wouldn’t be seeing this older boy again, he wouldn’t have access to a mobile phone or other online devices and he wouldn’t be allowed out unsupervised if he were mine. He obviously can’t be trusted. I’d also be trying to get to the bottom of why he’s lying, why he takes money - is it attention seeking? He’s being bullied? He’s got mental health issues? County lines?

I’d be reasonably relaxed about a preschooler making stuff up but by ten that’s not normal behaviour.