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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Man spending lots of time alone with best friend's wife. Aibu to think this odd?

66 replies

Felaku · 25/07/2024 07:31

Hi, this is currently happening to someone I know well and is close to me in such a way that any fallout would affect me. Maybe not directly but definitely indirectly.

The people concerned are: a husband, his wife and his best friend.

Before husband and wife got together, along with the best friend, they all went to the same club and the (now) wife had an affair with the (married) best friend which ended. So let's just say that wife and best friend are definitely OK with infidelity.

She then moves on to the man who is her (now) husband.

Anyway the situation is that the husband now takes their child every week (same day each time) to see it's grandparents during which time the best friend visits their home to spend time alone for hours with his wife.
It's like an hour's journey there and back so plenty of alone time.
This has been going on for months.
The husband is completely aware of the situation but seems unfazed.

It's not my business but I find this really f*ing dodgy and can't help but think they're up to no good again. The husband seems oblivious to the dodginess of this.

I'm not going to say anything but between me and the people of mumsnet, aibu to find this dodgy?

As a side note, they were only fwb- he didn't seem to want a relationship, she very much did, until she got pregnant but he thought he ought to do the 'right thing' and proposed that they became a proper couple.

OP posts:
BananaSpanner · 25/07/2024 07:34

I think there’s probably a lot you don’t know. They could have an open marriage, especially given your last paragraph.

Don’t get involved or offer an opinion.

Ponoka7 · 25/07/2024 07:36

I agree with the pp. The husband might also be hoping that she gives him a reason to split. I'd keep completely out of it.

diktat · 25/07/2024 07:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TayceOnToast · 25/07/2024 07:42

How will it affect you indirectly?

Blisterly · 25/07/2024 07:55

Gosh you really don’t like her do you?!! It seems like you have started this to get people to chastise this woman with you. Their relationship is none of your business, why are you so invested?

BloominHeather · 25/07/2024 08:04

Well the husband must be perfectly aware of the history between the two of them. I think it's pretty certain he is very aware of what's going on and, for whatever reason, is either enabling it by giving them the opportunity or, is turning a blind eye.

I don't know how this affects you personally OP but I honestly don't see how you can or should interfere.

tuvamoodyson · 25/07/2024 08:05

I find not getting involved other people’s marriages never needs to affect me directly or indirectly, that’s why I don’t do it.

Edingril · 25/07/2024 08:09

This is mumsnet if it involves a man they will find something dodgy in a paper bag

Like anything could be or not, but no need to get involved in the drama of it

KatiesMumWoof · 25/07/2024 08:13

Well, it seems like they have an arrangement that they all know about/agree to so what's your problem here? It's not like anyone is being deceived??

they're the ones involved, not you, so why are you sticking your nose in??

Original poster
Felaku · 25/07/2024 08:31

Hi I'm only asking one thing here: given the situation I've described do you think it likely the best friend and husband have reignited their affair?
That's it.

I do not ask to blame or shame BUT the grandparents are elderly and not in the best of health and trust me it really, really would affect me if it turns out my suspicions are correct cause frankly he'd want to live at home again with them as he's not the sort of person who wishes to stand on his own two feet.
Cocklodging tendencies, to be frank.

OP posts:
BloominHeather · 25/07/2024 08:34

Well if you want a specific opinion about whether they have reignited their affair I would say yes. But it is only an opinion.

EmoCourt · 25/07/2024 08:38

Felaku · 25/07/2024 08:31

Hi I'm only asking one thing here: given the situation I've described do you think it likely the best friend and husband have reignited their affair?
That's it.

I do not ask to blame or shame BUT the grandparents are elderly and not in the best of health and trust me it really, really would affect me if it turns out my suspicions are correct cause frankly he'd want to live at home again with them as he's not the sort of person who wishes to stand on his own two feet.
Cocklodging tendencies, to be frank.

Edited

So he’s your brother?

TayceOnToast · 25/07/2024 08:39

Felaku · 25/07/2024 08:31

Hi I'm only asking one thing here: given the situation I've described do you think it likely the best friend and husband have reignited their affair?
That's it.

I do not ask to blame or shame BUT the grandparents are elderly and not in the best of health and trust me it really, really would affect me if it turns out my suspicions are correct cause frankly he'd want to live at home again with them as he's not the sort of person who wishes to stand on his own two feet.
Cocklodging tendencies, to be frank.

Edited

Sounds like it, yes. Or they’re at least on their way to doing so. (But you know that?)

TayceOnToast · 25/07/2024 08:44

EmoCourt · 25/07/2024 08:38

So he’s your brother?

Show quote history

Yes what have the grandparents got to do with it?

Original poster
Felaku · 25/07/2024 08:46

Thanks for replies. I can't really confirm or deny exactly what his relationship is to me, but I think it's obvious that I really, really, really. care about the grandparents' wellbeing.

I'm even a bit ambivalent about the wife cheating on him to be honest (though wrong to do so with a married man) because, frankly, I think her main attraction for him is that she had her own house while he was dossing about.

OP posts:
Catza · 25/07/2024 08:56

Felaku · 25/07/2024 08:46

Thanks for replies. I can't really confirm or deny exactly what his relationship is to me, but I think it's obvious that I really, really, really. care about the grandparents' wellbeing.

I'm even a bit ambivalent about the wife cheating on him to be honest (though wrong to do so with a married man) because, frankly, I think her main attraction for him is that she had her own house while he was dossing about.

Whose grandparents? Who’s got cocklodger tendencies? Cocklodger with his own house which the wife wanted? My head is spinning, you are making no sense.

Catza · 25/07/2024 08:59

Felaku · 25/07/2024 08:31

Hi I'm only asking one thing here: given the situation I've described do you think it likely the best friend and husband have reignited their affair?
That's it.

I do not ask to blame or shame BUT the grandparents are elderly and not in the best of health and trust me it really, really would affect me if it turns out my suspicions are correct cause frankly he'd want to live at home again with them as he's not the sort of person who wishes to stand on his own two feet.
Cocklodging tendencies, to be frank.

Edited

Best friend and husband reignited their affair?! Who is sleeping with whom, OP? Make up your mind.

Original poster
Felaku · 25/07/2024 09:11

Catza · 25/07/2024 08:59

Best friend and husband reignited their affair?! Who is sleeping with whom, OP? Make up your mind.

Edited
Show quote history

Best friend and wife.

OP posts:
Original poster
Felaku · 25/07/2024 09:14

Catza · 25/07/2024 08:56

Whose grandparents? Who’s got cocklodger tendencies? Cocklodger with his own house which the wife wanted? My head is spinning, you are making no sense.

Show quote history

It's clear what I mean. Others seem to be following the thread.

OP posts:
Borninabarn32 · 25/07/2024 09:16

Sounds like he's allowing her to have sex with someone else and if so that's their business really. He knows so there's no reason to concern yourself with it.

Original poster
Felaku · 25/07/2024 09:25

Anyway, it seems it's agreed that they've reignited their affair.

To be honest, I'd find it really, really odd if my dh's best friend called around my house every week without my dh being present, anyway.
I mean calling around on the off chance my dh is present and having a chat is one thing but every week knowing dh isn't there?

Thus it is strange enough in itself that the wife and best friend regularly spend alone time together.

The previous affair makes it almost a certainty that they're cheating again.

The husband is either very stupid, very arrogant - in that he thinks he's too 'good' to be cheated on, or just doesn't give a fuck.
Or just thinks he can use it to his advantage in some way.

OP posts:
Pocketfullofdogtreats · 25/07/2024 09:31

It seems to suit them all. If the DH didn't like it he'd come home unexpectedly and catch them at it. But instead, he gives them alone time. To repeat - it suits them all. Maybe they're doing crochet, throwing pots or some other hobby together that he has no interest in not really. I would keep out of it. If the marriage breaks up and he wants to live with you/your parents, say no. In the meantime, it's better if the marriage doesn't break up isn't it? So leave them to their little arrangement.

ilovepixie · 25/07/2024 09:36

It's really none of your business. Maybe they have an open marriage. Maybe they're happy with the situation you don't know. Don't get involved and concentrate on your own life.

CormorantStrikesBack · 25/07/2024 09:42

Well if she is cheating on him I guess your cocklodger brother would get half the equity in the house as they’re now married if he divorces her. So he might not move back in with your parents. Maybe that’s his plan.

Bellaboo01 · 25/07/2024 09:47

Felaku · 25/07/2024 07:31

Hi, this is currently happening to someone I know well and is close to me in such a way that any fallout would affect me. Maybe not directly but definitely indirectly.

The people concerned are: a husband, his wife and his best friend.

Before husband and wife got together, along with the best friend, they all went to the same club and the (now) wife had an affair with the (married) best friend which ended. So let's just say that wife and best friend are definitely OK with infidelity.

She then moves on to the man who is her (now) husband.

Anyway the situation is that the husband now takes their child every week (same day each time) to see it's grandparents during which time the best friend visits their home to spend time alone for hours with his wife.
It's like an hour's journey there and back so plenty of alone time.
This has been going on for months.
The husband is completely aware of the situation but seems unfazed.

It's not my business but I find this really f*ing dodgy and can't help but think they're up to no good again. The husband seems oblivious to the dodginess of this.

I'm not going to say anything but between me and the people of mumsnet, aibu to find this dodgy?

As a side note, they were only fwb- he didn't seem to want a relationship, she very much did, until she got pregnant but he thought he ought to do the 'right thing' and proposed that they became a proper couple.

Not your circus, not your monkeys!

How would it affect you indirectly?

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