Noises in the night

[Papergang]

Was woken up in the middle of the night last night by some noises and banging which sounded like they were in the second bedroom on our floor then moved onto our landing. My heart was racing as it sounded like an animal (or person!) moving about.

I woke my husband up and told him I thought there was something in the house. He got really angry with me for waking him up said ‘what do you want me to do!? you really want me to get up!?’ Then stomped about turning lights on shouting ‘what are you talking about’ and opening doors before returning to the bedroom and calling me silly and cruel for waking him up.

I think I thought he would want to protect us? I was quite scared. Should I just have gone and checked it out myself? (22w pregnant if relevant) Was I unreasonable for waking him up?

You are definitely not unreasonable, but some of these responses are mind boggling.

He shouldn’t have shouted (and should apologise) but people don’t always react logically when they’re half asleep.

I remember very distinctly a similar situation with DH, pre-kid, when he grumpily went downstairs because I’d heard something. He thought it was all stupid and was pissed off for being woken up in the night for nothing.

It had absolutely no bearing whatsoever on (a) what he’s like when he’s not half asleep, or (b) how willing he was to get up in the night for our daughter when she arrived (he did, happily, and more than his fair share).

If he’s angry all the time and does this regularly then yes, re-appraise your relationship and address the problem. But the idea that you should be splitting up over this if it’s a one-off is absolutely ludicrous.

It was only reasonable to wake him up if you can say that you were scared enough that you would have called the police if you were alone.

One of the things I love about my DH is that he wants to protect our DD and I. Even though I am very capable of protecting us it's nice to know I can lean on him when he is around. So for me your partners reaction was shit.

Or the DH.
😉😁😁

It kind of misses the point op that clearly there was nothing there, so he has a point,,

janeintheframe · Today 12:52
It kind of misses the point op that clearly there was nothing there, so he has a point,,

Which he didn’t know when she initially woke him, so no, he doesn’t.

He said “what do you want me to do?”. To his pregnant wife.

What a bloody hero. Not!

Some very low expectations on this thread.

Goodness you seem very angry, I’m not sure why a man has to get up v a woman, many women are bigger , heavier than the men they are with. And the fact remains, nothing was there,

No, my DH wouldn’t have been annoyed at this.

Because in all liklihood if it was a person breaking in it would be a man. And regardless of weight or size, the vast majority of women do not stand a chance physically against men if there is an altercation. Op is also pregnant and could lose the baby if there was even a slight one.

I agree with the poster that mentioned the low bar on this thread.

'Oh he was still sleepy boohoo the poor wee man person'. Sure, that would excuse 10 seconds of grumpiness until he heard what she was actually saying. Not anything after that. Certainly not the way he acted. Without a serious apology the next day either, presumably too.

As such, no I don't think 'ltb' is unfair.
Because its told you all you need to know about him and how little you mean to him.

Mine leaves me to go hunting if I hear a noise. I almost seriously hurt one of my teens once as he was crashing around the kitchen in the pitch dark. I'd got to the top of the stairs and he started running up them - luckily he cleared his nose as he came up the stairs and I recognised his sniff or id have shoved him back down in the dark. New house rule, you get up, you turn the light on!

janeintheframe
Goodness you seem very angry, I’m not sure why a man has to get up v a woman, many women are bigger , heavier than the men they are with. And the fact remains, nothing was there,“

Goodness, I’m not. I’m incredulous. You honestly don’t think that a man should want to protect his pregnant wife and unborn child? And the fact remains, he had no idea whether anyone was there or not when he was woken.

I repeat, incredibly low expectations.

Totally agree. It's actually scary that there are men like that around. Let alone women saying it's OK!

Maybe we should all test our partners now so we don't find out years down the line they're like this. Though, I suppose there would be lots of other signs.

Protect from what? There was nothing there,,😂

No they wouldn’t??? Most men I know would wanna check out the house to make sure nobody was there. They’d wanna keep their family safe. If my child woke me up, scared of noises, I wouldn’t be annoyed at all - I’d be glad they’d woken me and want to check it out.

Being tired and groggy isn’t an excuse to be grumpy and rude to people.

That is very exist, I am equally capable of checking out nosies I don't need 'a big strong man to protect little me'

If there’s an intruder in the home, it’s probably a man.

Most women can’t win in a fight against most men. That’s not sexist, it’s just a fact. Women are generally smaller and certainly not as physically strong as men. Unless a woman is a trained fighter, or manages to grab a weapon and have the element of surprise, she isn’t gonna take down the average male home intruder.

That’s why it’s better for a man to check out suspicious noises. That, or the police should be called.

This happened to us a few night ago, I talked myself into ignoring it, then the dogs started barking so I woke up DH to go and check It's not pleasant but he got over it. There was nothing, I thanked him, we went back to sleep. I can't see the point of having a man in the house if they can't do that. Your DH did his bit.

God help him when he has a baby to get up to 😳🤣🤣🤣

Because, as pointed out of this site quite a bit, men usually (though not always of course) are stronger than women

YANBU. if I woke my husband because i was concerned by sounds i heard, thinking someone was in the house, he would NOT treat me like this.
He might be groggy but would realise I was distressed/upset and would act accordingly. People who say its understandable he was angry , was quite abusive and very dismissive of you have set very low standards and are talking crap.
You are his PREGNANT WIFE who has woken him because of genuine worry/concern. If he can't be empathic and step up for you who will he do it for? What happens when he's watching his child who is scared/upset/worried ? Will he just dismiss them?
Please do NOT question your own behaviour. You were not unreasonable and the fact he has you questioning that, is a worry about his behaviour towards you.

Whilst I agree no one likes being woken up, I'm guessing you're a sensible person who wouldn't have woken him unnecessarily.

Of course you should've woken him, he's completely in the wrong here.

I hope you don't go into labour in the middle of the night - whatever you do, don't wake him 🤣

On a serious note - is he normally like this? Getting angry over nothing? If so be prepared to see it escalate once baby puts the normal strain on the relationship.

You were not unreasonable.

An older friend of mine who is widowed was always taken seriously by her dad if she woke him up hearing noises. He worked in the emergency services and it seems like the idea of kicking off at a concerned person, particularly a family member for something so worrisome is just not common.

She mentioned it because she's lived alone for years and night times do worry her.

But if I did the same with my partner, he probably wouldn't even stir unless it was to shout "what did you say" and then any burglar would be on red alert.

When I take my hearing aids out at night I hear nothing… not thunderstorms, husband snoring or anything else, so I wouldn’t know if there was someone in the place…. Though I do usually hear the dog if she barks!!

It makes a HUGE difference you're pregnant. i would go by myself, but won't risk my child.

I can’t be subjective here as my mum did this to me when we shared a cruise cabin.

She said she could feel a presence in the cabin.

I wasn’t impressed.

She was also irritating me the next day with it by telling everyone about it.