DS taking ages to fall asleep

[Wagamamaislife]

AIBU for getting annoyed that DS 6 can take ages to fall asleep? He is generally tired after a busy day, but can often take up to an hour (sometimes more) to sleep. He doesn’t get out of bed which I know is good but instead he tosses and turns for ages, kicking covers off and generally just seems to struggle to switch off. He’s always been a good sleeper so not sure why this change has happened. My husband thinks IABVU because he’s not being particularly naughty and getting out of bed etc and that it’s not his fault (I agree to some extent) but I know he’ll be an arse tomorrow when he hasn’t had enough sleep. I can almost guarentee I’ll need to wake him in the morning. Usually once he’s asleep he’s asleep, occasionally getting up for a wee but not usually. Do I just need to accept this is how he is? I would say he still gets at least 10
hours a night, usually around 11. Feel free to tell me to give my head a wobble

he doesn’t come in to us usually and he is able to fall asleep independently although I have taken to lying with him some nights now as I find it does help him fall asleep more quickly. I’d say 3/4 nights out of 7 he isn’t asleep until 9ish. Otherwise it’s probably closer to 8. No ND as far as we know

Sleep is hard if your not one of those people in life whose head just hits the pillow and are asleep

Natural patch sleep stickers

Tony box

White noise/pink noise etc

Lavender in his room

Change his room around for a fresh start

Night light if he hasn't got one

Weighted blanket

Warm drink in the evening

Talk with him about any worries

Fresh pjs and bedding again for a fresh start

Star chart (although this could bring pressure)

Blackout curtains

Glow stars in the ceiling

Ask him what he wants to dream about tonight and encourage him to think about that before sleeping

Record yourself speaking/reading stories to him

At 6y if he’s awake for ages without going to sleep, then still getting 11 hours usually then you’re obviously sending him to bed way too early.

Is 7.30/8 too early for a child his age? Only just turned 6

YAB completely U.

He's a human child, not a robot. Give the poor kid a break, he's doing nothing wrong.

Were your parents impatient people perhaps?

Let him read until he's ready to go to sleep.

If he isn’t bothering you a d keeping the whole household awake, what business is it of anyone else? If he can’t sleep surely at 6 he can read or play quietly.

My 3 year old gets 10-11 hours a night, sounds like he's going to bed too early, can't he read for a while in his room?

So half the week he does to sleep almost as soon as he’s in bed and the other half he lies there for a whole? Do you fall asleep immediately every single night? Or do you wind down a bit in bed like most people?

I am impatient I admit. I want him to go to sleep because I know he doesn’t cope well with late nights and it will be a struggle to wake him in the morning. He’s a great kid but he is high energy so I do think this contributes to him struggling to wind down, particularly if he’s had a stimulating day. I’m fairly sure I am being unreasonable too

I would say 1/3 of the week he’ll take anything up an hour (probably on average 30 mins) other nights it’ll be more like an hour or even up to an hour and a half on a really bad night

Yep, unreasonable and unkind.

Tell him he can read til he's ready to sleep and then leave the poor kid alone.

Why unkind? I don’t give him a hard time about it, it just stresses me out

This is completely normal. You're going to give him sleep problems. He can probably feel your stress.

You go in and sit with him, he will feel your impatience.

My 6 year old goes to sleep anytime between 7.30-8.30 and wakes at 7 each day. He's fine and gets enough sleep.

I wouldn't worry, everythings a phase with children, if he needs more sleep, he'll fall asleep faster.

Fair enough. I thought I might be being unreasonable and my husband definitely thinks I am before I even posted on here but the responses have most certainly confirmed that. I’ll back off and stop stressing about it, or at least try. Just seems to me that most of the other kids we know seem to drop off almost immediately

By laying quietly next to him? Hardly

I feel you OP as I have the exact same thing with my 5 year old. She stays in her room and mostly doesn’t bother us but sometimes she is literally awake for over 2 hours after bedtime. Last night she only slept 9.30-6, which isn’t enough sleep for her. Lo and behold she was grumpy most of the day with a full meltdown just before bedtime. Asleep in about 20 mins tonight!!!

There’s no point getting cross with them though (unless they’re actively trying to stay up eg getting up and wandering or playing with toys or whatever). As long as she’s not bothering me I leave her be. I do suggest listening to calm music rather than an exciting new story and explain the importance of sleep. But it does stress me out when I know she’s still awake so I hear what you’re saying.

Doing this is really weird given he's not wanting you there and he is fine on his own.

He will feel your stress.

Listen to your husband. Let your child relax and sleep when he's ready.

It’s hard because you want the best for them and know that not getting enough sleep will
be detrimental to them. I don’t get cross with him as such, just frustrated and like I can’t settle down to relax for the evening when I know he’s still tossing and turning in bed.

I only lay with him when he asks me to so hardly weird. He is capable of falling asleep alone but sometimes he asks me to cuddle/lay there for a bit which I happily do

I have to say all these people saying oh it's ok let him be him, I agree to certain extent in that the world we live in revolves around getting up at six and going to bed at ten as an adult. My body clock unfortunately says sleep at 3:til 10 , I would say leave him to it if he's not disturbing anyone but he has to get up when everyone else does just for his own sake the world just works that way

Is this likely to be just a short lived phase? Have any others been through this around the age 5-6 mark and found that it gets better again?

I'm not going to keep badgering you but this is all your issue.

Humans take varied lengths of time to fall asleep, it varies person to person, season to season and day to day.

The best thing you can give him is a relaxed home - work on your own stress around this and just tell him so long as he's quiet and resting he can read til he's ready. Just explain everyone sleeps differently but that sleep helps you enjoy the next day.

Fair enough, I take your point. Thanks for the advice, I’ll see how we get on