To not understand why people get married?

[Mummyto4WM]

Waste of money and merely a show to the world

That's me being flippant but I genuinely don't get it. My partner is desperate to get married. He's already divorced, a divorce following his ex-wife running off with another man. What are the benefits of marriage, when so many end in costly divorce?

Funny enough - I've read every single message, and I found this thread insightful! I somewhat learnt about inheritance tax! And I learnt some of the pitfalls of marrying, as I'm not financially dependent on a man, that people dont publically talk about.

At NO point did i ask for advice, the question wasn't should I get married. I asked why different people do it! so it's been very insightful to know how many women marry, with the view of it giving them financial stability from a man (something being a decent wage earner - pre and post children), that had never crossed my mind AT ALL

Because...... we want to?

Equally valid. Thanks for your contribution 👏

@PregnantWithHorrors

If something is only applicable to a small percentage of women, that cannot then be generalised to a whole. It's valid to say there's a group of women who buck the trend and this is why/how, but it's not the same thing.

True but I guess it depends on whether you think they are bucking the trend or the start of a new trend. It’s not necessarily a static situation that women who earn more than their partners are in a minority. Over time I think (hope) this will increase.

To add: I actually earn a lot more than DH and we both own our own properties as well as the house we bought together. So I prob defy the convention of women doing it for financial security. But for me a contract is someone being equally committed to our relationship (because psychologically any contract is a bigger commitment than just saying you love someone) and it's more what happens if once of us died/got sick or even if we decided to divorce. Also want any children we have to be part of a legal family - even if we ever split up i want them to have the security of knowing we once had that.

But I also prefer permanent employees to contractors for the same reason! They do the same work but I feel more comfortable trusting big budgets to someone who's committed to it long term and signed a paper to say so.

As the second wife (not the OW) it secures my position in terms of inheritance.

If you want some sort of insurance or financial protection, take out an insurance policy. Don’t get yourself entangled in an antiquated unwritten contract! It’s not security or protection if you earn more than your spouse. Definitely not if you earn more AND do the child rearing. It’s the only contract you will enter into where you don’t see the small print. Getting out of it is based solely on previous case histories. And of course you’ll need to pay a lawyer too at that stage. You could make a commitment by saying “I love you” without the rest of it. I will never marry again.

It doesn't. The situation now is what it is. If it changes in the future, so will the way we discuss it and what's best for women as a cohort. Until then, generalisations will remain a bad idea.

I think the situation is changing rapidly. Many women will be in the situation I was - earning the most and doing the most as well in terms of raising the children. This meant my ex-husband who earned less and did less for the family was entitled to more than 50% in the divorce settlement. That is not justice! I rue the day I said “I do”.

You say you would only have children if you could be financially independent (which is a good viewloint, I'm not disputing it).

But what if your child was disabled, or you became disabled? A massive part of this is planning for the unknown.

@PuttingDownRoots but being married doesn’t guarantee against your spouse doing a runner and even fleecing you for cash! I really believe both I and my children would have been better off if I hadn’t married!