To not understand why people get married?

[Mummyto4WM]

Waste of money and merely a show to the world

That's me being flippant but I genuinely don't get it. My partner is desperate to get married. He's already divorced, a divorce following his ex-wife running off with another man. What are the benefits of marriage, when so many end in costly divorce?

Some people (women particularly) benefit from the legal protections that marriage confers.

Some people would be disadvantaged legally by marriage.

Depends on each individual circumstances. People should look into the pros and cons before making such momentous decisions.

We spent £120 on it. It's a legal document and we treated it as such. No rings, no name changes, not a big deal. Don't even bother telling people unless it's relevant eg it's asked on an insurance form. Expensive weddings can be a waste of money if that's not how the couple really wanted to spend it but marriage itself is just a way to make things more legally straightforward esp if one of you dies or you split up.

*Waste of money and merely a show to the world *

That's the wedding celebrations. Getting married is not expensive and gives various legal advantages, which otherwise you would do via a civil partnership which is not necessarily any cheaper.

There is also the aspect of showing your commitment to your friends and family, being established as a permanent partner not a transient girlfriend/boyfriend.

I would be very happy to see marriage replaced by easier to obtain legal protections for women who have children. It is almost impossible to disentangle it from its dark roots, as is evident in parts of the world where women used to change their last name but men didn’t!

Very specific situation, but I would have lost my job if I had decided to cohabit without marrying.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/#:~:text=Your%20legal%20rights%20as%20a,than%20if%20you're%20married.

Know the differences and then make an informed choice.

Just to add.
I earn slightly more but not a huge amount in it.. But both over 50k
We both have generous pensions - Local Authority Pensions
Both have wills (amended to include each other)
Power of attorney's in place
Contribute 5050 to the mortgage and both put in 100k deposits each.
No real plans for more children.
He has 2 kids from a previous marriage and I have one from a previous relationship. We have one together.
The venue he wants to get married at it and our initial calculations 25k

The simple fact that my late FIL and his DP of 20 years never married is about to cost their children tens of thousands of pounds in IHT as DH and his siblings were never "official" step children and my FIL died first.

You say house is 50/50? Does that mean you have the variety of ownership where you both own half? Presumably his half comes to you via the will, but it's part of the estate, and depending on value could tip you over the IHT allowance.

My uncles partner thought the same as you so they never got married. They'd been together 20 years, he was in a very high paying job and paid a fortune into his pension. She earns well too, although not as well as him so she thought marriage was unnecessary and a waste of time. He died last year at the age of 59 and hadn't made a will so everything has gone to his daughter leaving the partner with nothing

Marriage and a wedding are not the same.

I value the financial protection of marriage but not the show of a wedding.

Consequently we got married on a weekday for under £250, include paying for lunch for ourselves and witnesses.

Home in jammies later that day.

What parts of it do you think are difficult to obtain? Or are you suggesting a legal protection that could be obtained by the woman without the consent of the children's father?

It is a legal statement of a relationship which can be ended by death or divorce. Pension nominees, wills, NOK statements can be unilaterally changed but a marriage cannot be so easily undone.

A marriage exists until it doesn't exist. You can't legally start another marriage without legally ending the first one.

Marriage is internationally recognised. Cohabitation less universally. A MNer described that her DH had suddenly died on holiday abroad. She said that being married meant that it was far easier to get assistance than if they had not been married.

Most of the time it doesn't matter whether you are married or not. However there can be occasions when it is important to be able to show to authorities that legally you are a couple.

This.

I'll add that you should strongly consider finances again if you agree to wed and make sure wills read accordingly.

And if he wants to get married and it's important to him, why not just make him happy if you're happy the finances work?

What specifically are you worried about there?.

I don’t know, is marriage tax-advantaged in some ways? I’m thinking of mothers who take a career and pension hit while fathers build a big pot and move up in the world. It seems vulnerable to be unmarried in such situations.

If you want IHT benefits and other protections then civil partnership route is open to you. No need to tell anyone just have certificate there same way as you have a will. It’s more popular with older couples. Cost under £200.
If you go abroad on holiday then I’d also think what if he died or got ill. On a practical level in England you are fine but it’s not case in every country and I can’t imagine anything worse than being denied access in hospital abroad or unable to sort paperwork to repatriate a body as you are only a girlfriend not family.

Can't speak for anyone else but I got married purely for practical reasons, assuming that lots of things in life would be easier being married.

I'm not sure how many of those things we had in mind have actually ended up being easier. But it was worth the £150 at the register office just in case.

And since then DP has started a company which is now quite a big and growing concern. Being DP's next of kin has made a lot of legal things to do with the company much easier.

From an emotional perspective, being married means absolutely nothing to me. I don't wear a ring, I didn't change my name, I don't refer to DP as my "husband".

My wedding cost £50 (cheapest room at the registry office and then dinner with everyone paying their own way).

However now I'm on the path to divorce and as the breadwinner my husband has already said he'll 'take me for everything I have'. No kids, he just chooses to work part time.

Stupid decision on my part.

For many people marriage offers legal protection , it likely doesn’t apply in your case @Mummyto4WM as you and your partner have set things up to legally protect each other and are equals which is just not the case in many relationships . Weddings don’t have to be expensive and if you are living together and already have children to me it’s a waste of money spending 000s on a wedding as the money would be better spent in a savings account for your children .

Well marriage is a legally binding contract.
It annoys me when people says it's only a bit of paper so is my job contract, the deeds to my house my birth certificate and my degree certificate but they all mean something.

I had a really inexpensive wedding. My friend's and family all mucked in to give us a great day.
We became each other's next of kin.
I've been married for decades and lived with him before. Marriage gave me a feeling of completeness, as if me, him and the boys were a unit. Of course it would be the same if we weren't married and many people are happy the way they are, but it suits me.

Marriage is about the legal protections. For a couple with no assets or children, it is the cheapest way to put in on ace those things you already have. With prior assets or children when getting married you would power of attorney and wills to be checked again.

What a waste of money and show to the world

My wedding was the chance for all my favourite people to be in one room at the same time. They all came to wish me the very best for my life. Even if we divorce, knowing all my loved ones wished the best for me and will still be there to support me meant a lot. Within 2 years of getting married we’d lost quite a few family members. Our wedding photos are the last photos we have of most of them and they look so happy. One of my relatives died very shortly after our wedding and they had an absolute ball at our wedding, it means a lot to know they had the best time before they died and their last few months weren’t just pain. Our wedding cost about £10-12K but it was worth it to celebrate with those we love the most.

If you think £25K is too much, then look for a cheaper wedding venue. Marriage is about compromise so it’s not just your partner finding a place he likes and that’s the end of discussion. If you get married, both of you need to be happy with the budget.

All these reasons! Plus some people (definitely not all) may have social or religious reasons for wanting to acquire marital status.

It's not necessary to get married in order to change your name and title. It's perfectly legal to change your name by deed so I would never consider that to be a good reason. (In any event I'm married and still go by Miss Birthname.)

Something else to consider is that without legal marriage/civil partnership you are not next of kin to each other in the event of death or serious illness.

Marriage is for when things go wrong. In theory it makes things a lot easier when you separate, one of you dies, there are children involved etc.

The person who mentioned above about having Wills, POA etc. It basically just acts as one overarching contract to negate the need for all of those other contracts. And if you're religious throw in some fire, brimstone and eternal damnation if one of you cheats.

Divorce can also be cheap if you're both grown up about it and act in the best interests of your children.

Love,hopefully.Thats why we did anyway.