To get free carer tickets with 8 year old autistic son?

[Mummaofautisticboy8]

My 8 year old son is recently diagnosed as autistic. It's pretty severe, as in he's 3 years behind academically, but he can talk and toilet etc. He met every part of the DSM V criteria and has regressions and so could fall further behind.

As part of his diagnosis, they gave links to various wonderful schemes where you can get free/reduced tickets as his carer.

As he's 8, at the moment I'd go along with him anywhere anyway, however in 5/6 years time when his friends visit the cinema without parents and he can't do that, the carer ticket will be helpful. If I introduce it later, I'm worried it could affect his confidence.

So how would you feel if an 8 year-old's parent used a "carer" ticket for the cinema/ theme park etc.? Financially we aren't badly off. I'm not sure if this makes a difference.

I haven't applied yet as I just can't work out how I'd feel about it. So please help me. I don't mind the response and planning to aply (or not!) based on this poll, but please, please keep it kind. :-)

Aibu

YABU- carer tickets should be when you can't afford a ticket and you need to go anyway with an 8 year-old

YANBU- your child has a disability, you've been advised to apply and using the systems he'll need in the future, now, will help him see this as the "norm" so he doesn't suddenly feel "different" as he gets older.

If you've got to the end, thank you. :-)

Ah, OP - you're overthinking this 💕

Of course apply. The system is there for a reason.

There will be many expenses you incur as a parent of a child with SEN - some obvious and some hidden.

For example, you may not be able to work or work as much. You may have to take two parents instead of one.

These small supports make a difference.

Apply. You are just as entitled as the next person with a disabled child.

I got a companion card when my kid was 3. Like you I felt odd about it as obviously he could not go anywhere unaccompanied.

We've saved a lot of $ over the years and that does help considering all the hidden costs of disability.

Please do it.

IME, caring for an autistic child takes a lot more energy and time than caring for a NT child. So you are liable to earn less over a lifetime. So accept this small perk .

You should apply. Many places have rules about who can and can’t apply for carer tickets and whether parents are included / excluded. So if a company is offering them to you then they’ve already thought about this so you don’t have to.

gosh, you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Both DC are disabled, my eldest has severe low functioning autism. I often get free (or cheaper) carers tickets when we go to places. I am really glad the option is there. We struggling hugely financially as I can only work very part time due to my caring responsibilities we wouldn't be able to go otherwise. I haven't given any thought as to what the general public think about it. Most people won't know yours war free or a reduced price anyways.

Just use it and have some fun with your DS!
(There will be times when you need to dig deep and draw on the happiness these outings give you)

Just use it 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

That isn’t always the case. I’m a high earner and my ds has asd with adhd. dsd also has asd with adhd. We’re lucky enough that we had earlyish intervention for both of them which gave them strategies to cope and their asd is fairly mild causing only minor differences. So they should (hopefully) never need carer tickets.

But as OP’s child will require them then of course she needs to get them.

If the rules allow you to then fine. I had to get special access tickets for a relative and the venue gave me a free carer ticket. As I would have gone/paid anyway I tried to pay for the ticket but they could not cope with that!

Look at it this way. Accompanying your son means he will be able to access social events which is very important for him as a person living with a difficulty. Loneliness and social isolation are very common in the disabled community.

The other issue is...

I accompany my husband with carer tickets. In an emergency or unexpected event ( fire alarm or evacuation situation) he would not cope. He would be vulnerable in a crush. I could not rely on the kindness of strangers to know how to help him ( he has physical and medical needs) I would not dream of not being by his side and giving him access to the things he enjoys. Get the carer tickets. Hopefully there will never be an issue such as a fire alarm or unanticipated event to be managed, when you are out and about.

Using the carer ticket also helps the venues to be aware of the needs of users with disabilities in their venue. Helps to improve their support for disabled users.

Being a carer is bloody tough. Make the most of any help you can get.

It’s not as if you claiming what you’re entitled to will stop someone else with needs benefitting from exactly the same thing.

Absolutely this!

Ds is 14, he has been getting DLA since he was 5 and since then if somewhere offers carers concessions I use them. The nature of being disabled enough to get DLA shows that needs are higher than those of their peers.

DS can often only manage an hour at a venue before we need to leave. He needs constant supervision way above that of her peers. Every step of the trip involves extra planning that those with are visiting without disability don’t need. (That’s just from his autism side of things in ds case he also has issues from a medical POV too)

I think as parent carer we often don’t realise the extra we do compared to parents who don’t have children with disabilities

Even when you are expecting a diagnosis of ASD it can still hit like a ton of rocks. Be kind and gentle with yourself and give yourself time and space to let that settle on your shoulders. As for carers tickets. Initially my reaction was one of ‘hell…no’. I did not want my son to be different or seen as different….but he very clearly was. Having him meant lots of hospital appointments related to severe ASD. Childcare went up as I ended up paying for one to one care at nursary by the time he was 14 months. In the end it was costing me more in childcare than I could earn. After speaking with DH we took the decision as he earned far more that I would be the carer and he would do all he could to pay for a home and help out where he could. That was the right decision for our family as our son’s needs were very high. On the advice of the DWP I stopped work and claimed carers benefits. That gave us more money as a family than when I worked. Carers tickets meant I had a few more options of places I could take him on the days I felt able to.

IF a you have been signposted towards such help by the Drs and related medical staff it will be because they think you might need it and you are entitled to it. If you do not feel ready to accept that just yet put the information in a file for later on.

It’s okay to take one step at a time following a recent diagnosis esp if your child is being referred to special education school settings rather than mainstream with support.

Why would you even think you couldn’t 🤷‍♀️
my sister in law used to take a copy of her sons DLA letter out everywhere….she always asked for a free carer admittance….even if it wasn’t an option online

You either qualify for carer tickets or you don't. If you do then you have nothing to feel bad about using one.

Isn't that what they are for? Just use them. I wouldn't give it a thought.

My son is 2.5 and has Cerebral Palsy. Most places are free entry for under 3s so I still pay for my tickets now but when he turns 3, I will be claiming my 'carer' discounted/free ticket 😊

I get it OP, it's hard to perceive yourself as anything other than your child's mum or recognise the extra work we do on a daily basis but it is valid.

And you're doing a fantastic job 💐

I see where you're coming from OP. At age 8, all kids need accompanying, regardless of disability.

It sounds like you will very likely end up taking this up within the next 5 years or so - I can't see it matters too much when. I imagine you'll feel a bit awkward about it whenever you first use it, even if you wait 5 years.

There are no ‘perks’ to being disabled so take the support and conveniences where you can. Anyone who would begrudge you a discounted ticket needs to get a grip.

I feel really weird about using carers tickets too because he’s my son and obviously I’d be going anyway, but I look at it from the viewpoint that we never do a full day out anywhere as it’s too overwhelming for DS, so it balances that out! I’d be a bit annoyed if we paid full entry for everyone somewhere to leave by about 1:30.

To encourage people to go on their Disabled Children’s Register our LA hands out a card to say that the child is on the register. It is widely acknowledged by local attractions, on their websites, that the card can be used as proof that a carer can go in for free when it is shown, despite the card only proving that the child has a disability and not that they need a carer. I have used it everywhere, across the whole of the UK to get in for free, and have never been questioned, despite my autistic DS passing as NT sometimes. Whilst I would obviously need to accompany my DS regardless, at his current age, and it’s often just me who goes, even though a second adult would be useful at times, I justify its use in many ways:

My earning potential is vastly decreased as a result of DS’s disability so it evens up the playing field a bit and allows us to still go to things that we maybe wouldn’t as a result of my reduced income.

The extra-curricular opportunities like Cubs, Football Clubs etc that are available to many kids are not accessible to my child, so we go on many more days out, and again the free carer entry makes this possible.

Often we would need to visit a place 2 or 3 times to be able to get as much out of it as a normal family because we have to take breaks, stick to quieter times or go home early, so again I feel justified in paying less to get in.

Apply for the tickets OP, you’re definitely overthinking it 💐

So how would you feel if an 8 year-old's parent used a "carer" ticket for the cinema/ theme park etc.?

I agree with all the people saying it's fine.

I also think on this point above about how people would feel - yeah, probably some people would have an issue because some people have an issue with anyone who is entitled to things. But why would anyone know? There's no need for you to hide it, but it also wouldn't need to come up if you are worried about a person's reaction.