How to deal with grandparents not respecting our wishes

[Chilledsummer]

One of our dc has a health condition which means that certain foods should be avoided. It's not a life or death situation like a nut allergy but still something serious and something that we are still learning about under direction of healthcare professionals.

I don't really want you to go into it because it would be quite identifying, but what I can say is that it's not just us being precious, and it's not difficult to avoid these foods or find alternatives.

Grandparents are fully aware of our dcs health and we have explained the consequences having these foods have on dc. We have made it crystal clear and have even handed things back when given as gifts and told them "dc cannot eat this". Despite this, they repeatedly ignore us and give these foods anyway when we are not there, but "just a little", or "we didn't think x or y was excluded" even though they damn well know.

I don't know how many more ways we can say it now.

I'm a full grown adult with a lifelong walnut allergy, my parents still "forget". They can't see the horrible itchy throat or upset tummy so of course I'm just making fuss. There's no reasoning with people like this.

This is best

Set up a family chat on WA.. On the pretext of easier to share photos of ds... Any issues with food you can pop a few reminders for mil on there... Everyone can see why you aren't allowing her free access to your dc...

Can you write up the restrictions and give them a couple of laminated sheets, including one small enough to go in each of their wallets. Then, if it happens one more time they have absolutely no excuse and you would be completely justified in stopping them seeing your child.

Its simple. "No more acess to my children because I can't trust you"

It might be infuriating but it has got to the point where you can’t keep putting your child in the situation. If the grandparents can’t or won’t listen and you know it, then you have to be the one to stop it. The ball is in your court.

This. Simple. ⬆️ 🤷‍♀️

Now we've got to say they can't see ds alone and they'll be telling everyone no doubt how we're keeping them from their grandchild.

And you'll be telling everyone how you're keeping them from causing their grandchild harm.

My ds has ASD and doc gave us info on a diet that sometimes led to improvements. It was rather restrictive (no gluten or casein - a protein in dairy). Mil CRIED when we said she could no longer give him smarties or the cookies from the bakery.

DH had a word later, mil got upset again then heard fil say 'we'll just ignore it' when he left the room. He lost his shit with them, accused them of not caring about ds health and said they wouldn't be left alone with him.

As far as I know they did follow the diet, I made damn sure to provide loads of lovely and suitable treats.

And if anyone is interested, we did see a change in behaviour but insufficient to stick to such a rigid diet. Good to know if he wants to try again in the future.

They're probably of that old fashioned mindset that they were fed everything when they were younger with no issues, and that these are all just 'oversensitive' parent things.

Unfortunately, you have to prioritise your child's health over their happiness. I agree with others, supervised initially and then banning if they cross the line.

Something like PKU? Maybe show them the info sheet from your child's dietician/consultant?

I don’t have a lot of advice but it needs nipped in the bud because it doesn't get better with age. I found out I am Coeliac as a teenager so could advocate for myself and it still didn't stop family members trying to give me gluten and telling me I would be fine, just eat a bit, your relative made it, etc etc etc. Some people just don't get it.