IVF in Spain and taking DS out of school

[ADreamIsAWishYourArseMakes]

In early October I'm planning to abroad for an egg retrieval and freeze all cycle (they'll freeze my embryos for genetic testing before transfer). I'll need to be in Spain for 4 days before the procedure and DH will be joining me for a night or two to provide his sample. It is 5k cheaper to do IVF in Spain even with travel costs, I can't afford the cheapest clinic in the UK. For the (fingers crossed) transfer I'll go on my own for 2 nights.

DS is 5 and I'm weighing up if he should fly out with DH for a weeks holiday after the procedure. He can stay with grandparents for a few nights but I'm not sure how we'll feel at such a fraught time to be in a different country to him. We could fly back with him after 1/2 nights but that feels a bit mean. What would you do?

I'm guessing it can't wait until half term?

Educationally... its not going to effect him. He's 5.
Legally in England... a weeks holiday will likely attract a fine.

My cycle (probably) doesn't line up with half term, which is a shame

How will you manage trips to the IVF clinic with him? Can you and DH go separately - going with a small child may upset other people attending the clinic.

I'd also say is it fair to have him with you at such an emotionally fraught time? It might upset him? It might be easier and kinder on him to leave with grandparents so you and DH can focus on the IVF.

It is important to remember that the fines in England are increasing and if you have more than two sessions of unauthorised absence in three years it might go to court https://educationhub.blog.gov.uk/2024/02/29/fines-for-parents-for-taking-children-out-of-school-what-you-need-to-know/

Could you perhaps go for less than a week so not triggering a fine?

Do it, he's not going to miss much in a week when he's only 5. It'll probably do you all good to have some time to relax

I wouldn't take him, it will add all sorts of additional stress. Kids have a nasty habit of getting ill at the worst possible moments too. Good luck!

Take him but check how the new fine system works.

I did IVF with a toddler in toe but in the UK. L

You need to be as relaxed as possible. Give yourself some time. Sunshine and being with your family may just be what you need.

Wishing you all the luck in the world x

As long as you don’t need to be in the clinic at the same time as DH then I’d take him. If you do then please don’t. For my recent unsuccessful egg retrieval I was in bed next to someone who had their toddler there and it was horrible.

That seems like a lot of stress with all of the flights and arrangements etc

How much in UK versus how much in Spain?

I would do it however will you definitely know for sure which date your egg collection is going to be prior to leaving the UK? I've had a few cycles of IVF and some were delayed for a few days due to needing to stim for longer than originally planned.

Not your question I know, but I’m curious how this works! How do the monitor and adjust your drug regime and egg development - is there a U.K. based service where you go for that?

Did you find it particularly fraught last time? (if he was IVF?) I’d bring him, have a nice holiday together, it’s a good distraction. I’m not a fan of taking kids out of school, but he’s 5 so 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP, did you ever go through IVF before? I went through several and the one thing I learned is that nothing is certain. You may need extra doses/extra time, the cycle might be cancelled, there's always the danger of OHSS, etc. Private places love to describe it as an in and out thing, but it's anything but! Now add the fact your flights could be cancelled, or issues arising from embryo transfer between countries (both embryo survival, effects of flight on embryo quality and chances of bureaucratic complications). Your DSs school is least of your worries!

Thanks for the replies 😊to answer questions

Definitely wouldn't take DS to the clinic, that would be a dick move. I haven't had IVF but have had lots of treatment and investigations for recurrent miscarriage so I don't feel very phased by it. My chosen clinic has partner clinics in the UK for monitoring scans and they'd tell me when to fly, probably 5 days before the procedure. I know nothing is certain and it could end up being over half term in which case.. great.

It's 10k in the UK with genetic testing vs 5k in Spain. Frozen transfers if I'm fortunate enough to have a spare embryo is also half the price.

Yes I'd take him out of school if I had nobody at home (grandparents etc) to care for him. You're going for a medical procedure and I'd tell the school that.

Apart from missing a week of phonics, for example?

It might be £5k cheaper but taking into account 3 flights plus 2 hotel stays if successful the first time has to add at least £1000 probably more if you need taxis/rental car etc. also check its like for like

Yes I’d take him for a few nights. He’s 5 it’ll be fine.

@ADreamIsAWishYourArseMakes Why not have the GP look after him at your house so he can go to school?

OP I had both IVF and recurrent miscarriage treatment. They aren't even in the same league, both in terms of psychological load and physical impact. Recurrent miscarriage treatment is now something in my medical records, while IVF has left permanent effects on my body - for one example, my hair went from a mane to a lanky, wispy shadow of its former self.

The clinic let them do that?! What a dick move by the parents and the clinic. Totally inappropriate. It’s a medical procedure, not a day out

It's definitely not a day out, but I can't imagine anyone doing it unless absolutely necessary, so I find your comment distasteful.

But no, the clinic definitely shouldn't have put them together.

Do it. Remember on the day you have to be as calm as possible. I was very nervous the first time, and it didn´t work. The second time round I had a passionflower tea, and was much much calmer on top of that. And she is 5 coming on 6 now. I´m in Spain so had it done here and it was fine.

They go over the same stuff again and again at that age. They have to. He´ll be fine.

What’s distasteful about saying it was a dick move? Taking children to an IVF clinic is rather inappropriate, to an egg retrieval is next level inappropriate. I doubt it was that necessary. After all of the IVF works then they can’t take the toddler to the birth?! I’ve had 3 rounds of IVF so wouldn’t want someone else’s child there, as lm guessing the person who posted their experience didn’t

Cheapest clinic in the UK is £4k. Create Fertility.