Can't sleep Mother glad I'm going tmw!

[spanieleyes22]

So I came down to stay wit my parents for 3 nights on my own. I thought it was going pretty well considering I've had ups and downs with them over the years esp wit my mother. Anyway today 3 times she said she is glad I'm leaving tmw as if I stayed any longer she might get sick of me. And annoyed with me. I thought the visit was going pretty well so was a bit taken aback but didn't say anything. I can't wait to go home now! Can't leave til 3 pm tmw and it can't come soon enough. Can't sleep just wish I could leave feeling v uncomfortable: am thinking I will go for a long walk in the morning . Anyone else still awake

I'm sorry this has happened you. Not surprised you can't sleep, it's very hurtful.

I'm awake though no idea why. Just woke up and felt I can't go back to sleep unless I distract myself for a while as my mind is just on a loop with stupid stuff. I hope you get through tomorrow okay as that sounds so difficult.

I'm not being over sensitive am I. Am feeling a bit of an idiot. Every. Single. Time. She lures me in and charms me but then comes out with a comment like this and it just makes me question everything. Is any of it real. Is it all an act. Haven't seen them for a year. Reminds me why I don't come very often

Such a shame your visit has ended like this as you felt it was going well. Agree just keep a low profile tomorrow until it's time to go. Your mum may be regretting what she said and it might all be different in the morning.

What's on your mind @LadyMargaretDevereux

Ouch, that’s hurtful. Yes I would get up in the morning and go for a nice long walk. If there was somewhere to stop for coffee and cake even better,

I don't think she has a clue what she said. Maybe she does though. I have no clue any more. Reminds me of my childhood. Thinking everything is fine and going well and then being blindsided

Nothing serious on my mind at all, just nonsense on a sort of loop repeating itself. I've got a couple of things on tomorrow that are out of my normal routine, nothing horrible, but they are playing on my mind round and round. What shall I wear, where will I park, what time do I need to leave home...blah blah blah...

lol I am the exact same !!! If I have anything out of the normal routine my mind plays tricks on me and I start worrying even though there is nothing to worry about!!! So annoying lol

Yes, it's not anxiety exactly because I'm not worried, just I need to distract myself from the endless loop so I can get some sleep. It doesn't happen often, fortunately.

Do you live far away? Is staying a necessity?

Can you say when you leave "it's a shame you didn't enjoy our time together more" and see how she responds. Make it about her, her issue. Then next time she wants you to come (if you don't want to go) say "remember you struggle having visitors, you never seem to enjoy time with me"

I'm sorry your mother is making you feel this way. Ideally families are a soft place to land and make you feel at ease, so it can be very damaging and upsetting when they aren't. It sounds like maybe you both want to have a closer relationship but your mother is not good at having other people in her space and has no filter?

A long walk tomorrow sounds good. I would make your visits shorter in future.

Oh OP, I think I’d react the same.

I’m really hoping she actually means “I struggle to host/ share my space, I like being in my routine”, but has worded it clumsily. Especially as she seems to have no idea.

Thanks for the advice but I couldn't say something like this. Have tried to speak about things before but she can't/wont be honest and spend time together. It's a flight away so I have to stay. . Next time maybe 1 nite is fine. Did 2 nites last year but had ds with me so that broke the tension a bit. Not sure why I booked 3 nights this year. Too long !

Just cos it’s a flight away doesn’t mean you have to stay. Go hang out at the airport, watch the planes, read a book, decompress before going home.

Going to play devils advocate here. Do you think it's possible, given you've both struggled with ups and downs previously, that she meant she has enjoyed your company these few days and is glad it's coming to an end before either of you do annoy each other and spoil it?
Obviously, if so, it was a very clumsy way of putting it and I can see why you feel like you do but it may not have been meant in the way you think.

Is it possible she worded this clumsily?

I hosted my parents recently. On the last day my mum said something like 'it's a shame we can't stay longer' and I said 'I think four nights is the perfect length of time, it's been lovely to see you' and she got upset because she thought I was happy to see them go. Really, I was trying to make her feel better about not being able to stay longer. I also start missing my own space after 3-4 nights, no matter how much I love the visitor. Is it possible she meant it this way? Especially if you have a history of falling out.

Every trip home ended with my dad saying something shitty. Then he couldn’t understand why nobody visited him after mum died.

Yes I guess she could just mean better to not stay too long. Can't wait to be home tho

That is shitty @Thursa

Sounds a bit like she love bombs (charms) you and then devalues you. It’s nothing to do with you, she feels important by making you feel bad. Hard to understand I know.

I’ll bet you feel that unease whenever you’re there. Look up narcissist personality disorder.

I hope for your sake no, but they are everywhere. I’d be happy to be wrong but I’d rather you do your own research and decide for yourself if this applies. Nothing worse then blaming yourself because of toxic parents.

Please don’t make excuses for this horrible treatment. Its not ok that OP has such a cold and rejecting mother that she can’t tolerate OP in the house for three days. Its not normal and its extremely rude for OPs mother to state out loud that she is eager for her to leave.

I have two adult daughters—they are both here now one for the forseeable future snd one for a few weeks. Even if my routine is disrupted I would never say anything hurtful to them because I love them and treasure them and enjoy their company.

Your mother owes you the same love and loyy. If she can’t give it just distance yourself from her even more. Do not bring your DS as a meat shield. She will rither eventually treat him as badly as you or begin trying to get him “on her side” and demean you to him. Run away and live your best life.

I probably would have said "that's quite hurtful why did you bring up the topic of feeling sick of me when I'm going tomorrow anyway?"
Some old people get used to living alone and their brain-mouth filter doesn't get much exercise. It's OK to discuss inappropriate comments at the time to clarify things.

I’ve got a mother like this. Essentially a bitch. I moved to Australia but I’m back for a holiday. I once didn’t talk to her for eight years.

Its not you, it’s her. She’s unhappy and she wants everyone else to be unhappy.

I’ve just got over cancer. I can’t be doing with difficult unkind people. (Sorry I am projecting a bit.)

Fuck her. Go grey rock and see if that helps. Take a bit of a break and concentrate on friendships and fun 😀

Sadly they don’t change.

Could the comment possibly an attempt to mean she’s had a lovely time with you and is glad you are leaving on a high rather than a falling out ?
it’s the kind of thing my own Mum would have come out with.