Inheritance

[FairviewRosie24]

Hi
I’m 59 in a fairly full on stressful job IT which is quite physical at times which I struggle with due to knees/strength lifting IT kit around etc.
Husband is 10 years younger is a freelance journalist works from home writing, going to conferences etc.
His father has recently passed, estate worth about £750,000. A third of which will go to our daughter (starting uni in September).
I’m still apparently expected to work until I,m 68 which I don't think I physically think I can do, hauling IT kit around site for 20aged users and am on call 24/7. I also have loNg Covid.. However his pension plan says he can retire at 60.
i know Its his fathers legacy and I have no entitlement but when my mum died I paid for a Land Rover Discovery for him and improvements to the house.
aibu to say we can let me give up or reduce work considerably.?

Say - no. Ask - yes.
I wouldn't lean on the fact that you spent your inheritance on him. Your decisions are completely irrelevant unless he asked you to buy him a car. I am also a little perplexed that you chose to do it at the time rather than think about your own retirement, to be honest.

I think having a conversation about it with him is fine, demanding it is not.

If you divorce ten tight twat can you claim some? What an awful man. Get that car for yourself for starters.

You say it goes to your daughter? Your husband won't get a say if that is what the will stated. How amazing for your daughter, that should set her up for life.

Is a third of 750k going to dd? Where is the rest going?

Can't believe the advice already is to divorce 🤦🏼‍♀️

i would definitely have a chat about this, it’s not unreasonable for you to want to slow down.

I can! This is MN…

A third to the daughter. 2/3rds to her husband

“I’m still apparently expected to work until I,m 68 which I don't think I physically think I can do, hauling IT kit around site for 20aged users and am on call 24/7. I also have loNg Covid.”

What was your plan for work from now to retirement before the inheritance was known about?

"I’m 59 ... I’m still apparently expected to work until I,m 68"

Are you sure about this? I'm the same age as you and the state retirement age for me is 67. I believe that it only rises to 68 for those who are currently 47 or younger.

Has your DH said anything about what he would like to do with the money? I think that's maybe the position to start from.

So your husband is coming into half a million and still expects you to work till 68?
He needs a serious word in his lughole

You don’t have to continue in the same job. If you’re in IT see if you can find something you can do online from home? Or at least something without heavy lifting?

I don’t think you can just assume that the inheritance will be used to let you retire. You need a bigger discussion about your relative ages, health and financial situation. It’s not just about how you feel but about your life together.

What was your original retirement plan before the inheritance?

What is he wanting to do with the money?

It would be unreasonable for you to retire on the money whilst he keeps working, however a discussion about you reducing hours or taking a leas stressful role would not be unreasonable.

You need a conversation and a discussion to come up with a plan together.

So how much is your DH inheriting? Is he getting two thirds?
Either way I think inheritance should be family money and as his wife he should be concerned for your welfare. Having a physical job is very different to a desk job. Both of you retiring when you reach 60 is fair and reasonable..
Sounds like whatever is yours is shared with the family and whatever is his remains his, that's not fair. You should be a team and he needs to think of your health and be fair, I wonder if you did the loins share of child rearing when your DD was young?
If he is unwilling to share resources then I think you need to consider your boundaries and also your position in this marriage.

I have so many questions.

Does your DH get the other 2/3? If so, what is he expecting to do with it? (e.g. if paying off the mortgage won’t that mean reduced demand for your income?)

What was your retirement plan before the inheritance?

It appears your DH has a personal pension but you don’t. Why?

Do you have joint finances?

I think you’re a bit jealous of your husband’s job because you’re unhappy in your own. So you’ve seen the money and think he owes you an early retirement because he has it so easy. If you dislike your job, find another one.

Presumably the car you bought benefits you both? This is a bit of a red herring anyway because he could equally update your car with his inheritance and do work on the house or pay some other costs that benefit the household.

Marital pot and all that, but you do sound like you’ve steamed in with your demands.

What's your own retirement plan? It's definitely not something you can demand, it's his inheritance. However, a conversation is needed. My DH would totally want me to reduce hours if he inherited £500k.

I assume the mortgage has been paid off and there are household bills only? I would reduce my hours so that I just can pay my share of the bills and keep some money for personal spending. A wfh job ought to be possible.
If your husband continues to be so selfish then I would consider a divorce and ensure I didn’t have to work following the settlement - split his pension and buy a smaller home.

Why would you be working part state pension age anyway?

Surely £250K to your daughter removes any financial outlay to her either immediately for uni costs or future larger sums like house deposits. So that means you’ve got more disposable income / less need to earn. And can adjust for retirement plans accordingly.

Is your mortgage already paid off or will that happen now? Again, you can route lots more money into retiring earlier.

Why did you choose to buy him an expensive car instead of saving for your retirement when you inherited? Are you the owner (not registered keeper)? Sell it, proceeds into the pension with chunky tax relief.

You need to be less passive and sort out your own retirement.

There is quite a lot of information missing here. How long have you been married? Do you have your own pension (IT has paid well for many years) and if not why not? What discussions and plans have been made by you both so far? It should be possible to discuss reducing hours I would have thought and changing to a less stressful job. However, this is his money fundamentally.

Half a million is a lovely sum pf money to have but it would be foolish to completely retire on that.

It's so weird to me whenever people describe the physical aspects of their job, say they can't possibly do that till they are 68, and therefore think they should retire early. Of course that's silly. You either move jobs to something less physically demanding or you talk to your manager about reframing your responsibilities to have less physical aspects.

I would be suggesting that you drop down to 4 days a week and an apprentice / trainee should be recruited to work alongside you and they can do all the lifting and bending etc.

Why is the only option to retire?

Talk to hour husband explain you are physically struggling to do your current job & look for one that is physically less demanding.

This is a key point. Why haven't you changed jobs if you're struggling with it?

Why didn't you save your inheritance? Why did you buy your husband a very expensive car with the inheritance? Is it both of yours?