To privately judge this?!

[AboutmyMIL]

MIL has a new boyfriend. We met him briefly and both privately thought he seemed very young. We have since found out that this boyfriend is 24 years her junior. He was born the year before DH - so literally only 18 months older than her own son!

DH and MIL are not particularly close and I don’t think since he became an adult that MIL likes the idea of having an adult child and still feels very young herself. She has not acknowledged the fact she is going to be a grandma which is a shame for DH as I think he quietly hoped she would be more excited for him and us.

I would never openly judge anyone’s relationship age gap to their face or express my opinion that way but I am privately thinking WTF… how could you even see someone the same age as your son in that light? 🙈

I refer you to Joan Collins and her 32 year age gap...

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-103226/The-age-gap-new-husband-If-dies-dies.html

It's easy to see younger people 'in that light'. They tend to be more attractive than older people.
I'd say most people of all ages would fancy an attractive person in their 20s or 30s, even if it wasn't reciprocated. And they wouldn't ever bother to try it on. But I wouldn't be judging why she finds him attractive. As you say, she seems keen to hold onto her own youth.
Just observe from a distance. Hopefully he's not trying to rip her off or something. I hope if it looks that way you won't say 'i told you so' when it ends in tears.

Personally I'd find it weird because of her son being the same age. I just can't imagine dating someone (even adult) that could be my child. Turns my stomach. She's not doing anything illegal obviously, and can live her life as she chooses. I'd be quietly judging though, I admit.

Is she wealthy ? That would be my worry.

I wouldn’t care about this

YANBU. Sounds like she has issues if she can’t even acknowledge a grandchild, that’s pretty sad.

It's certainly not to my taste but as long as she's just shagging him, rather than thinking of marrying him, it's all good.

How old is your MIL?

No probably the opposite in lots of debt as far as we know, from her siblings/his aunties. Don’t know about him.

Early 50s

Yeah I would think it was weird if my Dad was seeing someone a year older than me.

I would keep it to myself, it’s his life. But I would private think it was odd.

If you couple that with not acknowledging that she is going to be a grandma, sounds like a late midlife crisis.

I am with @BobbyBiscuits . Watch from a distance, to ensure she is not being manipulated or coerced.

It wouldn’t be for me, but I would do my best not to appear judgy although I have a shite poker face.

This thread would be very different if it was a male parent with a girlfriend 24 years his junior and only 18 months older than his daughter...

In theory that’s right but when I think back to being 18 and finding the 20 year olds attractive and fancy them, it’s definitely not the same now. When I see a 20 year old
now, I can acknowledge they’re attractive but I wouldn’t fancy them as I see them as kids still. I don’t mean to sound patronising but as I’m old enough to be their mother, therefore my view of that age group is different. Anyone the same as your own adult child is enough to put me right off.

Are you me?

My MIL is exactly the same down to the not wanting to acknowledge a coming grandchild because she didn't feel old enough to have one. That was her response to our pregnancy announcement. I was quite livid at the time.

Said child is now here and she adores them. Hopefully yours follows the same trajectory.

The only difference is, her boyfriend is 7 years younger than her youngest son. It blows my mind and yes, whether or not it's right to judge, I do find it a bit gross and I do judge. But it's not my life, it hasn't affected me, so I don't say anything of course. She's knocking 60 and I just don't see what a 60 year old wants with a 22 year old. Or vice versa for that matter.

That is something I’d judge in private too. She must realise that too. If she’s early 50s then he’s not even 30. I’d wonder what he gets out of it and can’t imagine he’s thinking long term. Who knows though. It works for some and doesn’t have to be some exploitation.

I understand how you are feeling - after my mum died, my dad started dating someone who was about 7 years old than me - the age gap was about 20 years between him and her.

But it really is none of your business and it will just cause you problems.

What he’s in his 20s?

Yes, late 20s and DH a year younger than him

Yeah I'd find this all really weird. Poor you!!

I don't agree that it wouldn't be judged if the sexes were reversed. I think it's a bit silly of her but, as long as no harm is done, the 🤷‍♀️ I also don't think someone like Joan Collins can be cited as an example. They're different to us, the rules are different. I mean stars and celebs

Not unreasonable at all. My FIL’s wife is 40 years younger than him and much younger than DH. I judge away!! Think it’s a bit desperate on the part of the older partner and gives me the ick. And yes, he’s rich of course

I understand how you feel but there isn't anything you can do about. Such things happen and they often don't last so do not worry. It might have been better had she not told you and just had a discreet relationship but what's done is done.

So she's about 52 and he's about 28?

If she doesn't have money, it'll be all about the sex and midlife crisis

They'll probably get it out of their systems soon.