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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at friends??

53 replies

CableCar · 21/07/2024 23:55

My friends and I have been doing a 'come dine with me' style competition. I love hosting and being hospitable for others, so this was something I really took seriously. The first 3 of us put in loads of effort for our nights, except for our friend who hosted the final night this weekend... They purposely made really simple kids dishes as a joke (whereas the rest of us all took it seriously and spent a lot of time and money on the food!!!)... Then we get to the vote and it turns out they just scraped winner because everyone else thought their effort was worth it for the comedy.

AIBU to be really cross with my friends?! I know it's a minor thing, but I went to a lot of financial cost and effort and took the voting etc seriously, then the person who won in the end made a joke out of it? I actually cared about the competition, but had I have known it would be a joke by the end I wouldn't have bothered trying so hard and actually caring!!! I'm just upset now that the whole thing got thrown at the end.

Edited to say that I know this is not really a problem, as such!! Just I'm pretty upset that I took it so seriously and have landed myself feeling this cross about it all. It just feels really disrespectful and I feel really rubbish now because I had hoped to try and win I suppose!!!

OP posts:
CelesteCunningham · 21/07/2024 23:58

You've really over thought this. Hopefully you had four fun nights with your friends. Not everyone is comfortable cooking for a group. Sounds like the others all enjoyed it and the host put on a great night - probably because she was relaxed enough to be a great host! It's not all about the food, atmosphere is important too.

Ponoka7 · 21/07/2024 23:58

I think that you've just got to take positives from this. Enjoying the planning and prep, the taking part etc. These have been done were I've worked and they've never gone well.

Original poster
CableCar · 22/07/2024 00:01

Glad it's not just me! Thanks x

OP posts:
HoppityBun · 22/07/2024 00:05

I’d be upset, I think. The friend who did the final meal made a nonsense of the whole event. Possibly amusing but really aggravating that they won. The problem was the voting at the end. If that hadn’t happened then you’d have enjoyed it.

LameBorzoi · 22/07/2024 00:08

I would find the competition thing very uncomfortable, and would be glad of the joke night to lighten things up

Meowzabubz · 22/07/2024 00:18

You won CableCar's friend. Enjoy the money. I hope it makes you very happy. Dear Lord. What a sad little life CableCar's friend. You ruined CableCars night, completely, so you could have the money, but I hope now you spend it on lessons in grace and decorum, because you have all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tires on. So take your money and get off my property -- I think you should text your friend that @CableCar

Original poster
CableCar · 22/07/2024 00:20

CelesteCunningham · 21/07/2024 23:58

You've really over thought this. Hopefully you had four fun nights with your friends. Not everyone is comfortable cooking for a group. Sounds like the others all enjoyed it and the host put on a great night - probably because she was relaxed enough to be a great host! It's not all about the food, atmosphere is important too.

You're right... Definitely overthinking!! I just feel so sad that I cared so much... All the planning, anticipation, effort, hosting... And then the charismatic one wins. Maybe it's more the social dynamics of the group at the end that have frustrated me... Perhaps we should never have voted like you say, and just all had fun. I am the neurodivergent one and rubbish at wooing others... So for me this was more about the cooking I suppose 😔

OP posts:
ButWhatAboutTheBees · 22/07/2024 00:22

Maybe the last friend was intimated by how well everyone had done before her and so leaned into humour to save her embarrassment because she didn't feel as good

Maybe the other friends hadn't put as much effort in as you thought

Maybe they appreciated the humour after a serious of uptight dinner parties

Regardless, there was a vote and everyone else agreed the last person's was the best. Complaining about it just makes you look bitter about losing

CelesteCunningham · 22/07/2024 00:22

CableCar · 22/07/2024 00:20

You're right... Definitely overthinking!! I just feel so sad that I cared so much... All the planning, anticipation, effort, hosting... And then the charismatic one wins. Maybe it's more the social dynamics of the group at the end that have frustrated me... Perhaps we should never have voted like you say, and just all had fun. I am the neurodivergent one and rubbish at wooing others... So for me this was more about the cooking I suppose 😔

Show quote history

Come dine with me is like book club - an excuse to get a regular meet up in the diary. People quickly stop caring about the food or reading the book. But the night stays labelled as that because the routine means you see each other regularly, which is tricky to do when everyone is busy.

Whithersoever · 22/07/2024 00:23

Could the fourth person have afforded to do it properly?

Original poster
CableCar · 22/07/2024 00:25

Meowzabubz · 22/07/2024 00:18

You won CableCar's friend. Enjoy the money. I hope it makes you very happy. Dear Lord. What a sad little life CableCar's friend. You ruined CableCars night, completely, so you could have the money, but I hope now you spend it on lessons in grace and decorum, because you have all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tires on. So take your money and get off my property -- I think you should text your friend that @CableCar

It was only a trivial AIBU🙄

OP posts:
notanotherusername21 · 22/07/2024 00:28

CableCar · 22/07/2024 00:25

It was only a trivial AIBU🙄

Show quote history

It's a quote from an iconic come dine with me night. This is really making me lol

Original poster
CableCar · 22/07/2024 00:28

Whithersoever · 22/07/2024 00:23

Could the fourth person have afforded to do it properly?

Yes. When they normally cook, it's expensive meat etc... but was garlic bread and pizza for this.

OP posts:
Original poster
CableCar · 22/07/2024 00:29

notanotherusername21 · 22/07/2024 00:28

It's a quote from an iconic come dine with me night. This is really making me lol

Show quote history

Oh 😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
ButWhatAboutTheBees · 22/07/2024 00:30

CableCar · 22/07/2024 00:28

Yes. When they normally cook, it's expensive meat etc... but was garlic bread and pizza for this.

Show quote history

So maybe this time they couldn't afford it. But because you all know what she would normally do, she decided to make out it was a joke and done deliberately for a laugh than admitting she was struggling?

Also garlic bread and pizza isn't necessarily "children's food"

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 22/07/2024 00:31

It sounds like you enjoyed the first few OP. and everybody liked meeting up, so what about coming up with another theme and carrying on?
You've got friends who turn up for things. That's actually great.
Maybe think up some themed nights like One that involves less expensive cooking maybe a murder mystery party or a games night, or a quiz night - there's probably loads of ideas if you google it.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 22/07/2024 00:31

As much as I think you're taking it way to seriously, I do kind of get what you mean OP.

There's comedy value in what they did, but I understand it must feel like the rug was pulled out from under you a bit.

Perhaps for a laugh, you could suggest a 'kids menu' Come Dine With Me next time, so you can all join in?

LegendInMyOwnLunchtime · 22/07/2024 00:34

I am sure everyone really enjoyed your cooking and had a great night.

By voting for the joke contestant your other friends took the sting out of the competition, in a good way.

Hosting friends for dinner isn’t really in the spirit of giving people marks and deducting points for a slightly sloppy mousse, it’s about sharing and generosity.

PaminaMozart · 22/07/2024 00:34

I think the kids' food would have been fine if it had been served with very fine wines and a good cognac after. Otherwise..... a poor show!

meganorks · 22/07/2024 00:35

Thing is, person who did the cheap and easy night probably couldn't be arsed and didn't think they'd win. It's not really their fault, it's the voters. Presumably you didn't give them a good score so the others did.
Voting on each others food only spells disaster to me anyway, so I think you should have known better

Crazycatlady79 · 22/07/2024 00:38

You say this is a light hearted AIBU, but also say you're really cross with your friends and upset etc.
I like the fact that your friends turned the 'competition' on its head and introduced a new element at the last gathering.
And they won by spending not too much money and very little effort. 👏👏👏

Skyrainlight · 22/07/2024 20:55

I may be wrong but isn't the Come Dine with Me voting based on which night you had the most fun at and not just the food? Maybe the final night was the most fun. It's not just the food that makes a good night.

Afternoonteavirgin · 22/07/2024 20:58

This would have annoyed me OP. Given all the effort the rest of you put in.

I am also really wanting to know everyone's menus, is that just me?!

Didimum · 22/07/2024 21:05

I mean, the experience and competition isn’t just what you wanted, OP. Your friend clearly wanted to have some lighthearted fun with it. It’s not just about the kind of night you wanted.

AuntieJoyce · 22/07/2024 21:06

I wouldn’t like it either. It kind of makes a bit of a mockery of the effort that you’ve put in yourself. I am finding it hard to explain what I mean but it’s a little bit belittling somehow as if you are a bit sad for taking it seriously. And of course they had to get the best scores otherwise everyone would be sore losers.