To be annoyed at friends??

[CableCar]

My friends and I have been doing a 'come dine with me' style competition. I love hosting and being hospitable for others, so this was something I really took seriously. The first 3 of us put in loads of effort for our nights, except for our friend who hosted the final night this weekend... They purposely made really simple kids dishes as a joke (whereas the rest of us all took it seriously and spent a lot of time and money on the food!!!)... Then we get to the vote and it turns out they just scraped winner because everyone else thought their effort was worth it for the comedy.

AIBU to be really cross with my friends?! I know it's a minor thing, but I went to a lot of financial cost and effort and took the voting etc seriously, then the person who won in the end made a joke out of it? I actually cared about the competition, but had I have known it would be a joke by the end I wouldn't have bothered trying so hard and actually caring!!! I'm just upset now that the whole thing got thrown at the end.

Edited to say that I know this is not really a problem, as such!! Just I'm pretty upset that I took it so seriously and have landed myself feeling this cross about it all. It just feels really disrespectful and I feel really rubbish now because I had hoped to try and win I suppose!!!

I'm sure you did a fabulous meal and everyone enjoyed it.

And then this other friend turned it on its head but it was obviously a fun night too as she got the votes.

I think you need to unthink and just realise you've probably had a lot of fun doing this regardless. Focus on that.

And a group of mates who have shown up.

You really need to re frame this OP. Don't become sour about it and suck the fun out.

You must have rated them pretty highly too, for them to win.

I remember a CDWM episode where one participant was an utter bitch throughout the whole thing. She was the last to host, and acted nice on her night, and although everyone said her food was amazing, they rated her badly for being a cow

Well on one hand why should the person who went to the most financial cost automatically win?

I think you’ve missed the point that it’s supposed to be an enjoyable night with friends. Your other friend obviously put on the best night.

Being really cross and upset is nuts. It’s called having a good time. It sounds like you missed the memo, maybe lighten up and your friends would have enjoyed dinner at yours more.

Did you all agree some ‘rules of play’ in advance? Eg, number of courses, budget, time spent eating, criteria for scoring, submit menu in advance or not? etc? If not, then you put in the ££ and effort, because of a choice that you made. Maybe your final contestant felt intimidated by what’s he had already seen.

@Meowzabubz BRILLIANT 👏🤣 I quote this way to often so nice to see someone else does

I’m so glad someone put this as I was about to google the exact speech! 🤣🤣

I think sadly this is representative of a lot of situations in life.

I take things seriously and always make a lot of effort and then always feel upset when others don’t make the same effort but come out looking better!

I would have hoped that if your friends knew that you were taking it so seriously that they would have shown you more kindness though. As others have said try and put it down as a nice few evenings spent with friends x

If you decide to do it again, maybe consider each setting a budget.

People have voted for the joke one because then they don't have to choose between other friends who have all tried really hard and might potentially be upset, so vote for the joke one and say it's because it was funny. You don't have to offend anyone about their lack of culinary skills that way

I’ve seen come dine with me done before with a group of friends and it’s actually savage. Yes you get a winner but you also get a loser. To look a friend in the eye and tell them they’re the shittest cook of the group of friends is awful. I wonder if the “joke” friend anticipated this and intentionally diffused the situation.

Good point. Marks are also for the hosting and the entertainment.

To be honest I'd find serious voting, focused purely on the culinary skills of my friends, really really awkward. Having this safety valve for their vote was probably a relief for everyone else.

Oh dear you remind me of me! My strongly competitive spirit would also be annoyed at this. When you say the winner made child’s meals so what do you mean exactly? Chicken nuggets and oven chips from the freezer? Or were they actually cooked-from- scratch child friendly meals? I think that would be bother me less than if it was just freezer crap thrown in the oven. The person obviously just decided to be lighthearted about it all and presumably others enjoyed the food and the ambience of the night enough to choose them as winner so try to just smile through gritted teeth!

I'm autistic and this would really upset me as well. There's no point in having a competition of someone wins for not even trying. It's shit.

I don't understand the people who wouldn't be bothered by this.

It’s a few dinners with mates, not a general election. It really, really doesn’t matter who wins.

It sounds like you saw this as a genuine, serious competition that was all about being proved the best, while everyone else saw it as a fun social thing to do for a laugh as an excuse to have some get togethers. That’s unfortunate, but it really isn’t the fault of any of the other participants.

The point with CDWM is that all contestants don’t know each other so all will make an effort (especially with the grand prize money!) …so unfortunately won’t work the same with a bunch of mates

Yep. A competition between friends, based on fundamental skills and judged subjectively, is a really bad idea which is always likely to end in tears or hurt if taken seriously. Whether accidentally or on purpose, the friend who went last got it just right.

It maybe that she saw that the first three were getting intense or anxious about the results, and deliberately brought down the tension and the level of competitiveness, so that they ask remained friends.

The only way that competition between friends can work, is if it's a game with clear rules and scoring systems. So playing football, or darts, or monopoly - fine. But judging something as personal as cooking and hosting, which is about subjective tastes and personalities? Nope, it's a recipe for disaster, and good on the last friend for preventing it.

I get you op and would be pissed too. Either it's super lighthearted and cheap and everyone follows suit, or everyone tries and puts money and effort in. Sounds like your last friend was lazy and your other friends indulged it.

If you had won, what would have been the difference to loosing? You still would have spent the money, you still would have eaten 3 nights food cooked by friends.

Forget about it or take all of your friends to task on their scoring, your only options

It reminds me of the few times years ago when my sister and DH set up competitions for them and their friends. One of the competitions was to make a pot of jam. Several bought jams instead and when challenged said that they’d thought everyone was doing that!

What is that supposed to mean?

I remember a tv programme called something like "Who's doing the dishes". There were many exotic dishes, but the only one I remember is Zammo from Grange Hill dishing up microwaved sausage and mash, still on the plastic plates, because it was so funny. I think having fun is more important than the food - I think he still had to do the washing up though!

This often happens on the show as well. The night isnt all about the food but the atmosphere and enjoyment out of the night.

I'm pretty sure I remember watching an episode where the person served takeaway and won as it was judged to be the best night! (Prerty sure I havent made that up!)

Thanks all!

???? Odd thing to say!