She wants to go on holiday?

[Doglover321]

Hi everyone,

I am 27 and have moved back in with my mum after a breakup. My dog also lives with us. She wants to go away for the week on 23rd September to Devon and stay in an AirBnB. However, I already have plans for this date and week. 23rd Sept is the 1 year anniversary of my thriving Meetup group and we are all going to the pub. Tables have been reserved and members have made a voluntary donation towards the upkeep of the group. I then have other stuff planned for the rest of the week. All these events were arranged before she said she wanted to go away, however she wants me to cancel them and join her. I feel bad because she doesn’t have family, friends or anyone else she could go with, but at the same time I really don’t want to cancel my plans and mess people around. She is very angry despite these events being arranged before she asked me and her not having parted with any money yet. She keeps saying I should be bending over backwards for her because she only got the all clear from breast cancer a year ago and has let me move back in with her after my breakup, and that most daughters would even offer to pay for the whole thing. TIA for any opinions/advice

You need to find somewhere else to stay quickly. This will not end well. She's emotionally blackmailing you, making huge assumptions about your free time and committed fraud by taking out a loan in your name, then refused to pay it off. Frankly I would have loved anywhere else rather than with her.

YANBU. You are allowed to make your own plans. People shouldn't book holidays without consulting the other person.

I read your post as if your dog had booked a week's holiday in Devon and was mad you couldn't go!

Yikes. Why have you moved in with this psycho?

How much rent is she charging you?

Sounds like she will take out loans in your name. Move out asap and inform the police.

Do you think she is deliberately trying to sabotage your plans that week so you have to be with her and not move on with your life?

This is quite possible. I used to get a call every Valentine’s Day to travel to hers and housesit the pets ASAP, while she drove to hospital and admitted herself as a patient only to get discharged an hour later because there was nothing wrong with her. Every single Valentine’s Day.

Oh dear, she does sound very dishonest ,manipulative and quite unhinged tbh. Does she have MH issues?

You need to get away from her and make a life for yourself. I know that's not easy.

I have refused to pay rent until I have paid the card off. She is of course very resentful that I am not paying rent, but I am resentful that she has taken out a credit card in my name and then refused to take ownership for it

Definitely MH issue then.

are you sure it's really about company for her?
I have an adult child living at home and won't go on holiday while they are home because I know they are likely not to come.
I like to lock the house up or I couldn't relax.
I'd probably insist on them coming or I wouldn't go.

Nothing diagnosed unfortunately. I have been researching narcissism though. She will run away screaming and physically lock herself in her room if I try and discuss anything with her. I don’t bother anymore.

I used to come home from work and ask things as simple as ‘have you managed to walk the dog today, or do you want me to do it?’ just because I need to know whether he needs to be walked or not, not to make a dig, and she’d just refuse to answer or outright lie, followed by the running to her room screaming and then refusing to come out.

What? She's being ridiculous. You already have plans - can't she move the week? As for the emotional blackmail - wow. Totally out of order.

It’s probably more so she can post to Facebook ‘well-deserved holiday after being a warrior and free from cancer for a year. I’ve done so well, no one else would have coped as well as I have’ - she posts this sort of thing daily

Sorry if I’m being too harsh! I’ll stop now xx

She sounds awful. Brace yourself for that week away!!!

Go with your meet-up group as planned. There are 51 other weeks in the year you can go to Devon.

I’m intrigued by this. Why wouldn’t you prefer an adult to stay in the house and keep it safe, rather than leave it empty? That’s why people pay housesitters.

If you can’t vent here where can you.

Wow. This is really deliberate and calculated. On the one hand she’s clearly lonely and lacking attention, or the kind of attention she wants, but on the other hand I’m shocked and appalled by some of her manipulative and deceiving behaviours (the credit card!!)

Too harsh? You’re a bloody saint!

OK.

My mother is like this, very similar sadly. You know it’s a mistake to live with her, but I appreciate it enables you to reclaim some of the money she owes you.

Given your updates, I wouldn’t go on holiday with her at all. It won’t be a holiday, it will be an endurance test with you as DMs emotional punchbag.

Get yourself straight and move out as soon as you can.

Oh well, there's not much you can do if she is reacting like this. You didn't mention this before, I wonder why? Were you trying to protect her?

You really need to move away from your mum. Is that possible?

YANBU, she should have checked dates with you. Please don't cancel things.
Why does the holiday have to be that week? Could she not change it to the week before?

Update: I’ve just gone on my phone to discover that both her and the dog (she has created an account for him!) have unfriended me on Facebook.

OP there's obviously something wrong with her. Just grey rock until you can leave. Have you checked your Experian account to see what debts you have? I would phone the National Debt Line to discuss any options.

Make a new account for the dog 😁. Your mother is as mad as a hatter clearly unwell , and you cannot be reasonable with a nutter unreasonable person. Put your foot down with your mum, tell her that you will go to Devon with her if she books the other dates, but otherwise you have plans.

In your shoes I would also start looking very hard for somewhere else to live.

You need to focus on moving out asap.
Your mother is a toxic manipulative liar and thief.
Cancer doesn't change that.
Find a room in a house, but get out.
Do not change your plans.