To think that Resident Parents should have more rights than Non Resident Parents.

[Theemeperorsnewclothes]

I think we’ve gone too far into the patriarchy of the UK, political systems, family Courts, CMS. Non resident parents (over 90% male/fathers) have exactly the same rights as resident parents (over 90% female/mothers). A child centred approach is allowing the person who knows the child best to advocate for them. The resident parent should have more rights, with regards to making decisions/advocating for their child/children in the political/legal system in the UK. They, and their children should be protected in legislation.

“Nor does it mean you care about your child at all” this is the problem. The majority of RP’s/mothers know their child best. They absolutely care about their child and the good NRP’s do too. There is a significant ‘minority’ but significant enough of NRP’s who do not put the child at the centre, who use power and control (very evident in the CMS system) who will not put their child at the centre. This is the demographic I am talking about, not the ‘decent’ NRPs

Well good.
But your proposal in the OP would tar them all with the same brush, decent and awful alike.

I have a BIL who is a brilliant dad, and is definitely the parent who knows the child best. His ex isn't a great mum tbh. She's not very engaged with parenting and has form for putting both her career and her relationship with her new bloke as more iimportant than her child. However she's officially the RP (although child's time is actually very close to 50:50) because her home is closer to the good school in their town. It's dad who sorts out Dr and Dentist and shoe fittings etc.

This is just one family that doesn't fit the majority that you are talking about. I don't dispute that it's a majority but a law that assumes the majority circumstances apply to everyone is a bad law.

What if the non resident parent believes the child should be vaccinated and the resident parent doesn't?

I suggest you have a look through the Stately Homes threads and realise that a lot of mothers (as well as a lot of fathers) do not necessarily have their children's best interests at heart.

Yanbu. My dc's never saw their dad. I still couldn't double barrel their surnames in his absence.

I'll use dhs ex as an example. She hated me more than she loves her own children. She didn't have their best interests at heart whatsoever. She had her own interests well ahead of them. Under your rules dh would have had even less say than he actually did.

What evidence do you have of this? A mother really hated you more than the welfare of her children? And here lies the problem.

Did CMS catch up with your dearest too? Did that money grabbing ex actually hold your DHS accountable for his own children? What a witch she is for asking for support for THEIR children. Thank god the system in the UK doesn’t make absent parents responsible or accountable, but gives them all the parental rights.

That was sarcasm for the avoidance of doubt.

OK. We get it. It's not enough for you that RPs already have total say over the day-to-day and emergency decisions. You hate your ex so much that you think he shouldn't have any say over the big stuff either. And because you despise him so much, you think that not only should he not be allowed any involvement in these big decisions, no NRP should be allowed just in case they might remind you of your ex.

Could you please put that rant in reverse. The RP knows their child on every level. They carried them, they loved and protected them before they were even born, they (in many cases) breast fed them and lost their own life and identity through this. Bottle fed mums did the same as they were the sole caregivers.

“You hate your ex so much that you think he shouldn't have any say over the big stuff either. And because you despise him so much, you think that not only should he not be allowed any involvement in these big decisions, no NRP should be allowed just in case they might remind you of your ex.”

I love my children and their well-being more than ex and future partner.

Catch up with him? No need to. He paid it and more. One child lived with us for several years. Idk what to say.

She didn't need to hold him accountable, what she wanted was for him to fund her lifestyle, on top of paying for the kids.

He wasn't "absent" either but you carry on with your big rant hun.

What evidence? Plenty. She assaulted dh in front of them several times. Taught them to tell me they hoped my unborn baby would die. She left them on my doorstep several times without any kind of prior warning. All 3 of her children (one not dhs) have been kicked out of her house more than once in their lives. It all happened. She's a vile human being and she doesn't give a shiny little shit about how much she's fucked them all up.

No, I don't think I need to add anything. You've already made it crystal clear that you despise your ex so much that you think male NRPs should have no say in their children's lives.

Have you considered getting help for your issues?

Why is it then that children need adopting when their mothers aren't able to look after them considering pregnancy gives you this wonderful superpower of doing no wrong?

Some dads are shit. I am fully aware. My own dad was shit. Very very shit. Some mums are shit also. Why is that so hard for you to believe? Not all women are wonderful mothers. I'm sorry, but they're not.

@HowardTJMoon have you ever questioned why you are trolling on a ‘mum’ platform as a male? I have never made it “crystal clear” that I despise my ex. I advocate for the child, and their well-being, always. Have you considered help for your issues?

I completely agree. However we need to safeguard the majority. Just the same as any law or legislation. Most mothers are doing the absolute best for their children, and they should be supported in legislation.

Safeguard the majority from....what?

The majority of NRPs are reasonable human beings, able to gave a conversation and gave input on decisions regarding their own children. Being a mother doesn't mean you need to be safeguarded from someone you chose to have children with.

Sure, for some people this will be the case. This is a minority and it's what courts are for. Your view is bizarre. Perhaps you should have chosen to have a child alone.

I joined mumsnet when I became full-time RP for my DCs. "By parents, for parents" and all that. Sadly my ex couldn't be relied upon to put our children's best interests first.

Trust me - your feelings about your ex in particular and male NRPs in general ooze out of every sentence.

I had children with a father under the UK legal and political system that will uphold his rights but not enforce his responsibilities.

Presumably that was a choice you made?

You don't get to write him out of your children's life because you now don't think he's enough?

And actually, what the legal system upholds is the child's rights. Which you'd know if you had any real understanding of this. Parents don't have rights.

Nope, it certainly was not a ‘choice’

Can you elaborate on that? Were you forced to have a child with this man?