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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP suddenly weird

27 replies

greyleffings · 20/07/2024 17:43

So DP and I had a year long split, never really stopped talking but both slept with others which caused us a lot of misery

Got back together last week

First couple of days he's ecstatic and everything is perfect.

Day 3 we argue because I'm insecure and because I'm struggling to let go of the past.

Day 4 he's talking like I'm just a friend. Says he needs space, that this is too much pressure on him, he no longer feels "cutesy" and feels numb. Says he thinks he's depressed. That he's sick of it being good for an hour then bad for a day.

Day 6 he's acting cutesy again, things are back on track. Talked for hours on the phone, then towards the end he goes cold with me and barely speaks.

And today barely anything. I've asked him what's wrong and he says he's not feeling cutesey or loving and doesn't feel like talking.

I've replied which will no doubt annoy him.

I feel like he's either cheating or wants to. When we got back together he'd been talking to someone on a dating site - he says just out of boredom and she lives in Dubai so it's nothing like that (but she is his type and I am not!)... I feel like me coming back has ruined his happy life cos he was enjoying chatting with friends on the live streams etc but gave it up to be with me.

I'm devastated and don't know what else to do. We'd been together for 4 years before this year split.

Feel like he doesn't want to be with me. He says he does. He's hot and cold. Yesterday he's showing me songs that remind him of me and saying he loves me. Today he's cold and barely speaking

I don't know what to do. Half worried he'll cheat and half worried he'll leave.

OP posts:
SauvignonBlonk · 20/07/2024 17:48

That sounds like a miserable situation. I’d have to ditch him.
Life is too short.

takealettermsjones · 20/07/2024 17:48

Cut your losses, as hard as it is. Staying will lead to more heartache.

brightpompoms · 20/07/2024 17:49

What's the point?

cupcaske123 · 20/07/2024 17:49

Your relationship is over.

ChocAuVin · 20/07/2024 17:50

Run for the hills.

Sunnydiary · 20/07/2024 17:50

Cutesy?

Pipecleanerrevival · 20/07/2024 17:50

It sounds like you deserve better. You’re not his type?? How rude.

ebadame · 20/07/2024 17:50

Its over

Useruserdoubleuser · 20/07/2024 17:52

Well you gave it a go and it’s clearly not working.
Hopefully this is a nice straightforward one. No shared house or kids?

MojoMoon · 20/07/2024 17:52

Take some control - why are you allowing him to string you along and be hot and cold?

Judge someone on their actions, not their words.

He is not interested in being in the sort of relationship that you want.
Accept that and leave him. Don't sit there hoping he will bestow his favour on you.

Sucks but time to end it and move on

WeNeedBees · 20/07/2024 17:53

There was a reason you broke up the first time, keep it in mind and accept that getting back together hasn’t worked.

If you don’t have children then clean break and move on.

User016529 · 20/07/2024 17:54

You can’t trust him so it’s over isn’t it ?

Sounds like he enjoyed the year separation more than you did.

Plenty more men out there who will want to be with you. I’m of the opinion that if there is any confusion, he’s not right for you. End of.

EffortlesslyInelegant · 20/07/2024 17:54

Is 'cutesy' the new 'sch'? Grin

Createausername1970 · 20/07/2024 17:54

It seems dead in the water to be honest.

But maybe you should have "started again" and gone back to seeing each other a couple of times a week and working it out slowly. It sounds like you have picked up from where you left off, but haven't resolved the reasons why it fell apart in the first place.

Sapphire387 · 20/07/2024 17:56

Just... no. Why are you putting yourself through this? You can do better. He sounds awful.

Google the sunk cost fallacy.

ricecrispiecakes · 20/07/2024 17:57

You've only been back together a week.

Why fucking bother?

Pottedpalm · 20/07/2024 17:58

Why are you giving him power over you?

RainbowZebraWarrior · 20/07/2024 17:59

ricecrispiecakes · 20/07/2024 17:57

You've only been back together a week.

Why fucking bother?

This.

Seriously, what's the bloody point?

Time to move on.

BlackShuck3 · 20/07/2024 18:00

Please stop letting him punish you OP, cut your losses and move on.

Turophilic · 20/07/2024 18:00

Bin him. You’re tethering yourself to misery, and you deserve better with your one wild and precious life.

KreedKafer · 20/07/2024 18:02

I’m exhausted just reading this.

This ‘relationship’ is beyond unhealthy. You split up - for a year! - and were pained by each other’s different relationships even though you weren’t together, but carried on talking, and then you got back together for some reason, and within a couple of days it’s going tits-up because you’re insecure and he’s talking to other women, and he’s having second thoughts… who the fuck could be bothered with this shit?

Favouritefruits · 20/07/2024 18:03

Nah, knock it on the head and find a nice stable partner

stayathomer · 20/07/2024 18:07

I’m so so sorry op. I think if one person has to worry/ ask the other person how they feel etc as opposed to just getting on with being together then it’s something you have to look at/ talk about or sadly finish, you don’t deserve to be waiting to see what his next move is. I’m really sorry

Getonwitit · 20/07/2024 18:36

I think the pair of you need to let go of this failed relationship. It is not bringing either of you any happiness.

Jagoda · 20/07/2024 18:37

You lost me at cutesy 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

There is no future in this. You probably shouldn’t have got back together.