colleague kissed me and then ghosted me

[weirdwasp]

There seemed to be a mutual interest, we started talking, texting, met up, and kissed.

Then suddenly he backtracked, acted like nothing happened. I confronted him and he said 'This has too much potential to be awkward, it's too risky, I'm really sorry. It's just not a good idea.'
Fwiw we're in an open plan office of around 100 people, on the same floor.
The only time we see each other is walking through the office/lunchtime/arriving and leaving, our work is totally separate.
Do you think it was genuine from him? Or just a lie? I told him it was fine, now he just looks sheepish and tries to avoid me.

It'll soon be back to normal, you won't be the first or last person to have a thing with someone in work. I've seen alot go on in office parties so trust me you have nothing to feel awkward about. You need to try and laugh it off and just walk past him and pretend nothing happened. It'll soon be in the past. It's on him really if he felt that way about it so shouldn't of kissed you in the first place.

I don't know what you think is a lie? That he thinks it's too awkward, or the fact he liked you enough to kiss you?
Either way he doesn't want to go further. I hope you won't find it awkward at work, there's no need for it to be.
Sometimes it happens. Just forget him in the romantic sense and be civil at work, and someone else who likes you will come along.

Why?

I'd say he's either done what he set out to do...which is prove to himself he could have a relationship with OP if he wanted to.

Or he's gone off her for whatever reason.

Or he's telling the truth because he's thought it out or someone advised him against an office romance.

There could be many reasons really 🤷‍♀️

They say you should never mix business with pleasure, so it is possible that he thinks it would be a bad idea because you are colleagues.

Yeah I think the best I can do now is act like nothing happened.
He might relax eventually, but I know it's best if I just act like I really don't care.

This is such a mumsnet response 😂😂😂

I think he could be a little paranoid as he told me that he was worried about HR and stating how any female could report him for having made her feel uncomfortable, but they wouldn't even need proof? Rest assured I'm not going to report him!

He also made a comment about how he went through heartbreak at work and he doesn't want our younger colleague/friend to go through it, so he tried to tell him not to pursue the girl he liked?

I am guessing that he has decided that he doesn’t like you enough, or doesn’t want to take the time to see if he likes you enough, to want to want to take the gamble of going further in case things don’t work out.

I've decided it's just not worth worrying about. Caring will probably just feed his ego, I'll just keep a positive attitude.

because he doesn’t fancy the OP?

Why do you assume he definitely doesn't fancy me?

reread your own op

So the work scenario was all fabricated you reckon?

Sorry I think he's just not into you. The work thing didnt bother him before so why suddenly now?

I am sorry OP but thats just life sometimes, dont dwell on it and move on.

That's fine, I'm not bothered, I just wish he didn't act so awkward but that's on him I guess.

Just continue being polite and civil when you see him but stay aloof/unbothered.

Unfortunately this is a risk when dating people at work. I once got absolutely smashed at a work party and snogged one of the doctors, I went back to his place and ended up serenading him with various karaoke tunes (I sound like a cat being strangled when I sing)

I had to see him every bloody day at work for months afterwards. I wanted the floor ro swallow me up on a daily basis. At least its not that bad 😜

Bit of flirting and office banter to make the day go quicker
had a snog
realised that didn’t actually fancy you

I am sure it hurts but you’ll move on

There's an OP who posts repeatedly about an almost identical situation.

I'll see if I can find some of their threads OP, you might appreciate some of the advice on them.

I’d say he is either in a relationship or he just doesn’t fancy you. Neither of which are any reflection on you. If he’s in a relationship, he’s a sleezy twat bag. If he doesn’t fancy you? So what? I know lots of perfectly attractive, nice men that I just….don’t fancy? Nothing wrong with them at all, they just don’t float my particular boat.
Be bright and breezy at work, it will pass.

Thank you!

I don't think he's in a relationship, but if he is I've had a very lucky escape, I'd be so angry though.

If he is just using the work as a get out then honestly think that's quite cowardly.
I'd also be careful with stuff like that.
A friend of mine rejected a guy last year at work, using the same excuse. 2 months later he got a new job, then asked her out again. She had to then tell him the truth because she'd given him false hope.
It's just better to not make up lies from the start.

I'm far more concerned about his strange comment about any woman at work being able to accuse him of making them uncomfortable without evidence. Normal men who aren't creepy don't worry about such things. I really hope he hadn't said theat before you decided to kiss him.

Yeah it was a bit OTT. I mean, he wasn't just talking about himself, but any man in the office really. He said asking a colleague out is a HR risk. I was thinking, well you've basically done it!