To ask how to get men interested in/attracted to me?

[youcantescapeyourownmindrose]

I know it's not a one-size-fits all approach, but sometimes I feel like men like me as a person and think I'm attractive but are missing some chemistry. It may not even be something I'm doing necessarily, might just be bad luck however I'm wondering if there's something I can do to improve it.

I'm 33, this will put some men off for a start, not because it's old at all but because some will want women under 30.

I don't think my looks are an issue (I know that probably sounds arrogant to say, it doesn't mean I think I'm perfect!) I mean I'm slim, make an effort with hair, clothes etc. I don't have an overly fake look and I get compliments from people.
I have a dark brown bob, which again might not be everyone's type. I am fairly tall (though the men I am into are at least my height) but some men might prefer a petite lady with blonde hair, which I wouldn't take personally at all.

Some men seem to be initially attracted but later down the line don't feel chemistry. I've been told they really like talking to me, we have a lot in common, they think I'm funny/interesting/intelligent/kind. They've said I have a lot going for me, stuff like that.

I don't expect to get into a relationship after 3 dates, I don't send 20 million texts or want to meet up every single day. That said, I don't have an issue with showing my interest, I'm not good at playing it verrry cool/playing games, but I don't come across as obsessive either (I hope!)

I own a flat, have plenty of hobbies, speak other languages and am financially independent.
Honestly don't think I'm desperate! Someone might say that but I'm not.
I wouldn't date absolutely anyone and I am enjoying a lot about being single. I don't think I give off vibes that I'm desperate for a man, I'd rather wait for someone who's worth it.

I like to joke, I show an interest in the person and try to make them feel at ease. I can be a little shy at first and maybe come across slightly nervous?
I try to show vulnerability and I'm not saying I will discuss mental health with all and sundry but I'm ok with being open about stuff.

I don't know, it might just be bad luck! I was rejected after a 5-hour date and he couldn't give a specific reason (it may have been nothing to do with me)
Or, I've been rejected after a few short-term things. Two of the men told me they considered themselves ugly and didn't know why I was into them (possibly just an excuse). Another said I didn't 'challenge' him.

I'm just looking for general info. I have a complete life, I know chemistry can't necessarily be engineered (or can it?) but any feedback would be great!
To put it simply, in my eyes usually telling someone you don't feel the chemistry means you don't find them attractive enough or there's something about them you don't like?
I may be wrong, but I can't imagine being attracted to someone, we've tons in common and we're compatible, but I just don't feel the chemistry?

What an odd response. Please reread the op, she’s asking how to get men attracted to her. What part of that requires the response, check how clean his house is 😂😂😂😂😂

It's called foresight. You might not want what you ask for.

Too many women? Read nearly all women! Women are under massive societal pressures to "serve". Three's a good book on it called "Womanhooded". It's hard finding the right person especially when she is tall, intelligent and not desperate! 😜

I agree! I am a smiley person and did all that when dating. I was amazed how it worked but at the end of the day it needs to be genuine or you will be stuck with someone you <fake> like and <fake> find attractive! 😘😁

This.
Im 52... confident..not cocky... good sense humour..not bad looking...i have admirers but not im interested presently. Some men find confidence threatening some dont. Be yourself.
However we arent a match for every man out there..ive had many dates..not clicked with any of them romantically as of yet. You mention your age and men want younger...yes mostly but there is some men who dont want younger. Why is it important to analyse why theres no chemistry...its just that. Dont over analyze yourself, just go with the flow

To ask how to get men interested in/attracted to me?

just reading the title, and there must be dozens of these types of threads on here, sounds like a flash back to the 1950s where women's focus of attention wasn't to develop themselves, find opportunities to build up their life and stand on their own two feet but to focus on how they make themselves become a commodity that a man might deign to pick up like a product and choose to take home with them.

its so depressing.

Find your inner 'bubbly'. I can't imagine a man wanting to be "smiley" or "friendly" to become pleasing to someone.

I think there’s a difference between finding someone attractive and fancying them.

how is your flirting? I wonder if there’s not enough of that.

You can’t ‘learn’ how to be good at dating OP. If you’ve not dated anyone with chemistry yet then you simply haven’t dated the right people, it’s not anything you’ve done ‘wrong’.

Your whole post made me a bit sad, like what’s the cheat sheet to make men like me. When you meet the right person it’s very simple.

@youcantescapeyourownmindrose you sound very together, fulfilled and confident in your life and success- in my experience men don’t like that.

The women I know who have men hurling themselves at them are emotionally and financially vulnerable, people pleasing and give off an aura of needing someone to take care of them/being easy to dominate and willing to put up with any old shit just to keep a bloke.

I don’t mean that as an insult to the women, I mean many many men are shits.

PS you sound like a good catch! I think being tall cuts out a lot of chaff but tbh some fantastic, interesting and well rounded people leave marriage to mid 30s so your on track if there's a 2 year "courtship". Don't settle.
Women live longer alone
Take up some hobbies that the partner you would like would go to
and go to those places feeling happy, confident but most of all be your authentic self 😁💕🥂🤗👑

Where are you getting them from, OP?

If it's online dating you may be in the wrong place for finding what you want.

I'd advise not looking at work, that can be very awkward, whether you're successful - or not. (Memories ...🤣)

What are your interests and hobbies and activities? (Careful not to be outing!)

I met my OH the same way my parents met, and the same way my mum met her late OH, through the same interest.

Stop seeing them as potential partners. Get to know as friends, get as wide a social network as you can, know their circumstances so you don't get burned by a married man/CF/cocklodger.

This! Though I would say people can spot a bad flirt; someone who's just 'putting it on' to make an impression. When it comes to dating/forming connections, natural charisma is everything!

I agree with this to a certain extent. In my experience (just mine, not speaking for every woman here!) I've found success in teasing / banter (couldn't bring myself to actually flirt). I find it much easier to (lightly) take the piss a lot. And I've never been friendzoned!

I don't think it's 'flirting' so much as does a person have good 'chat'. Someone who can talk about next to nothing but be totally engaging. This is the kind of thing that will ignite a 'spark'; and all that other stuff almost becomes secondary.
An decent looking person with bags of charisma will always fare better than a total stunner with a weaker personality.

The rules is a good book to read if you’re trying to develop a bit more strategy. People snigger at it these days but it does work.
A couple of things I took from it which I found increased how many men approached me, asked for dates, and asked for further dates were wearing my hair longer, wearing dresses, skirts and heels more, letting them lead more ( they ask for and plan dates), bit of indifference in the early days also seems to drive them wild. I met dh quite quickly after I started that approach but in the meantime dating was a lot nicer. You don’t need to flirt with men tbh, smiling, being pleasant company and looking attractive is all that’s needed to get asked out

if you are looking for borderline sexist books to give you dating instruction this is much better than the Rules (written by women and a bit out of date) because its written by a man.

There's a lot in there that makes a lot of sense but some of it needs a pinch of salt but like I said it's much better than the Rules. In fact generally dating books for women written by women are flawed before they start becaue men are the ones who know when men want - if you are seeking generalisations.

https://www.amazon.com/Manual-Explains-Think-Mate-Women-ebook/dp/B000QXCZW2/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8